“I want you to come with me, Lani.”
Lani struggled to read the real message in Donovan’s suddenly shuttered blue eyes. What was he asking of her? “To Portland? Why?”
“I don’t like the idea of being away from you,” he said. His calm tone concealed the fact that a giant hand seemed to be squeezing his gut in two. “I thought you might be feeling the same way.”
Lani felt as if she were treading on eggshells and didn’t particularly care for the sensation. She had always been the frankest one in the family—with the admitted exception of her grandmother—but this morning she found herself censoring not only her words but also her thoughts.
“Oh, Donovan,” she said regretfully.
He frowned, wishing, not for the first time, that women came with a manual. Had he misread what they’d shared? Had those blissful hours meant so much more to him than they had to her?
Donovan didn’t think so. He decided that for some inexplicable reason, Lani was still afraid to commit herself. And as much as he wanted to demand that she stay with him at least long enough to watch their grandchildren feeding frozen peas to Moby Dick’s progeny, he also didn’t want to push her into doing something she’d later regret.
He toyed with the ends of her hair. “You’d like Portland.”
“I always have,” she agreed. “How long would I be away?”
“I was hoping you’d want to move in with me. Indefinitely.”
“I don’t understand. I thought you were aiming for an FBI appointment.”
“I was. And maybe still will, down the road. But this is an equally good opportunity. And you’re the one who pointed out that I wanted to help people. Being a police chief is a good way to do that.”
“I’ve no doubt you’ll make a dandy chief,” she said. “Of course you’ll have to buy cases of those antacids you were popping steadily when you first arrived here, but the raise in pay should cover the increased medical bills.”
“I was under a lot of stress. That’s what this vacation was all about.”
“And you really don’t believe the stress will be worse when you get back to the city and take over the entire department?”
“It’ll be rough in the beginning,” he admitted. “But things will eventually calm down.”
“Will they?” she asked quietly.
His fingers tightened. “Okay, so maybe they won’t. But the pressure-cooker atmosphere comes with the territory, Lani. It’s a package deal.”
“If it’s so terrible, why do you want the job at all?”
“Because it’s a terrific opportunity.”
“Will it make you happy?”
Her words put him on the defensive by causing him to recall the conversation he’d had with Thomas. “Dammit, I’m not your father!”
“I didn’t think you were,” she said mildly.
“Yet you’re comparing me with him.”
“No. I’m only comparing your situations. My father was a highly respected surgeon, an important man—”
“Who didn’t exactly chuck it all to live out a Gauguin fantasy, Lani,” Donovan pointed out. He knew he was handling this badly but couldn’t seem to figure out an exit plan. “He didn’t stop being a doctor.”
“And there’s no need for you to stop being a policeman,” she insisted. “Just why do you have to be chief?”
How could she not understand? “For us!” he shouted. “Okay, sure, it’s a great offer and I’m proud to have been the one chosen. But it’ll be good for you. For us.”
Lani could only stare at him. “But I don’t want you to be a police chief, Donovan. Oh, I might feel differently if I thought it would really make you happy. But I don’t believe it will.”
“I suppose you’d be contented living with a mere cop?”
Lani wondered what was behind his acid tone. “Of course. If he loved me, I’d also be happy living with a beachcomber. As long as he was a happy beachcomber.”
“That’s easy for you to say when you live down here in Lotusland, talking to fish, reading fairy tales to kids, collecting seashells, and wishing on rainbows.”
That stung. Lani rubbed her throbbing temple with trembling fingertips even as she felt a painful fissure open up in her heart. “I certainly understand how it is to be driven, Donovan,” she said quietly. “Believe it or not, I used to be a workaholic myself.”
“You’re kidding.” He would have been no more surprised if Lani had suddenly told him that she was a Soviet spy.
She took a deep breath, wanting her voice to be strong. “No, I’m not. Six years ago, I was making quite a name for myself in television.”
“I know. Nate told me about your show. I watched it once. It was a lot better than I’d expected.”
“Damned with faint praise,” she murmured. “Believe it or not, in my world, I was nearly as important as you are in yours.”