I would love to say that it remained that way. That I was able to turn it off and stop living in a fantasy world. I couldn’t. Even when he treated me like a slut, I wanted him.
Paxton didn’t punish me anymore that night, but he did make me cry. Of course, I never let him see that. I had just crawled into bed and turned off the lights, ready to put that day in the past. I debated on opening my tablet or not, unsure of adding any more fuel to the fire. Some of my poems ran deep and left me feeling lost and lonely.
I turned my head toward his dark silhouette without a word. He didn’t speak, either. He moved in beside me and I rolled to my side. That’s when my soul gave way, betraying me for him. My back leaned into his chest and my eyes closed with his kiss to my head.
“I’ve always called you a slut behind closed doors, Gabriella.”
“Yeah, yeah. I know. And I let you.”
“You did. It worked for us. For what we both needed. You have everything to suit your needs, and I have you. My slut, to suit mine.”
I pondered his words with a deep breath. “I don’t know that I’m okay with that anymore, Paxton. I’m not that person anymore. I’m not Gabriella.” That part stung my chest like a bee. One quick stab, reminding me that it wasn’t a lie. To me anyway.
“I’m not okay with it anymore. I’m not okay with these girls running around like chickens with their heads cut off for no reason. I’m not okay with eating fatty bacon and chicken from a bone. I’m not okay with any of this, Paxton. I’m not so sure we shouldn’t separate for a while. Work through things on our own for once,” I said. That’s when I swiped away a tear. Just in time.
Paxton spun me to my back and placed his hand around my throat. That time was meant to be feared. I feared it. “Yeah? Where you gonna go, slut. You got money to live on? You think you’re ever going to see Rowan or Ophelia again? Go ahead and try it. Like I’ve told you a million times, I’ll kill you first. Do you understand me, Gabriella?”
I nodded in agreement with a breath held in my lungs. The angered tone told me not to push anymore buttons. I could tell when to stop. Now was that time.
Paxton smiled with a smirk and moved his fingers between my legs. I was a ghost that night. I bent over his lap like a good little slut and endured nine slaps to my ass. That was the most he’d ever given me at one time. Maybe it was because of my reaction. Maybe he didn’t expect my reaction to be so blah. I stiffened a little with every blow, but not once did I writhe my hips into his fingers. I wanted to. I wanted to shove my ass back, moan, and beg for more, but I didn’t.
I didn’t even care that the sounds of my arousal were a dead giveaway. I wasn’t about to give him the time of day. Fuck him. I did everything I was told to do, moved in every pretzel position I was told, sucked his dick when I was told, and then swallowed him. Not once did I acknowledge that I was into any of it. I was a ghost.
“Follow the rules tomorrow. I’ll have roast for supper,” Paxton said while shaking his softening dick on my lips.
“Yes, sir,” I smartly replied. Not another word was spoken between us. I even lifted my ass to help with my chastity belt. I didn’t care about that either. I had zero desire to get off. That longing passed when I swallowed him. I knew it was my punishment for being disobedient, but I didn’t care. I knew without a doubt that I would be disobeying the very next day. I wasn’t about to chase things to do with the girls. They had enough to do right there.
I showered again, needing to wash him away, but it didn’t work. His scent coated my pillow, filling my nostrils with his aroma. I tossed the tainted pillow to the floor, but that didn’t help either. He still lingered there, in my mind and in my bed. I rolled to my side with a deep sigh, and closed my eyes, praying for peace. I wasn’t sure I would ever figure this man out, and truth be known, I wasn’t sure I had it in me to try anymore.
~~
“I want to call my sister. It’s her birthday. Sherry said I could talk to her today,” I complained to Ms. Porter.
She brushed me off with a wave of her hand. “Get the fuck out of my way. That bitch don’t care about you. People lie. People always lie. Now move the hell out the front of my television.”
“I’m going to walk there,” I threatened with a stomp to the wooden floor.
Ms. Porter laughed at me. “Go for it. Your pretty little ass won’t make it to the corner without getting fucked in an alley.”
Even at the age of twelve I knew what that meant, and she was right. I wouldn’t walk past the school bus stop by myself. Had it not been for my neighbor, Falcon, I wouldn’t go there either.