“I don’t even know what that means, Gabby. I want you to be happy.”
“I am happy. Let’s not talk about that.” I didn’t want to talk about Paxton with Izzy. That conversation could wait until another time. Maybe I would even sneak one of those prepaid phones so that I could talk to her. But not now. Not today. I was too high on life to think about anything but the moment. We were together again. Me and Izzy. Our mother, no doubt, smiled down on us. Live in the moment. Those were famous words, preached my entire childhood. That’s what I did. I lived in the moment with my twin, forgetting everything else.
Our next right led us to a dirt road. Driveways wound toward a section of scattered mobile homes, and the dark clouds followed us. Patches of green grass grew through deep ruts, but we bounced over them. I imagined the same two or three cars traveled that road, all commuting to one of the nearby towns. It wasn’t near as bad once the road came to a fork a few miles on in. We took the next right for at least seven to eight miles.
Paxton would be enraged. He’d kill me.
“Do you have any idea where we are?” Izabella asked through a giggle, shoulders bouncing up and down. It felt good to hear her laugh. Free. Like a free bird.
“I did see a sign back there that said River Ledge Road. Does that count?” I asked in a teasing manner.
Izabella pointed up ahead to the next right. Another back road, this one running along the river. It didn’t seem to be well traveled, either, but it was pretty. Very pretty. I scanned the country road with its tall, thick trees swaying with the wind and shading our path. Even the temperature had cooled with air from the impending storm.
“Remember this?” Izabella asked. I knew what she was going to do as soon as she removed her seatbelt. Her window came down and her body went outside the car, arms out to the wind. I laughed like I did when I was a kid. Like I did when I was Clyde and Izzy was Clyde, too. When our mother was crazy and we were all free birds. Crazy together.
“Come on, stick your head out the window,” she called from above. I cackled the silly laugh again and lowered my window. I moved only my hand went out at first, surfing up and down the waves of wind, and then I stuck my head out. This was the kind of stuff our mother used to do. She would put the car in a low gear and drive with her feet while Izzy and I hung out the windows, arms gliding through the air like birds. Free birds. We couldn’t have been much older than Ophelia—four, maybe five years old.
My eyes closed as I remembered how happy we had been. How liberating. I ignored the gut feeling again and dropped the car into low gear.
“No way! Are you serious?” Izzy questioned, head popping down for me to see her happy face and sparkling eyes. I didn’t even think about it. I slid up to the windowsill just like my mom had, flipping my sandals to the floor and pulling my dress around my waist. The road straightened and we were barely moving, but it felt like we really were flying, especially with the gusting wind.
“Remember how she used to make us close our eyes and think about being happy? Visualize our future?” Izzy questioned.
I briefly closed my eyes, both arms floating with the wind, and then glanced back at my twin. “I got mine, Izzy. All my life I wanted a good-looking guy with his shit together. Someone who worked hard for his family. And two kids. I wanted a little boy and a little girl. I got girls. That’s what I used to wish for. I just wanted a family.” It was the truth. My entire childhood was spent wishing for a home. A real house and a real family with a mom and a dad. Mine may not have been what I planned out in my head, but it was mine. For now.
“Well, that’s not fair. I got the shaft. I used to wish I was rich and famous.”
I giggled and reached for her hand. We couldn’t touch, but the pull still existed between us, a pull that only a twin could understand.
“I’m glad you came,” I sadly admitted. Not that it mattered. There was no way I could tell Paxton about her anyway. That’s what was on my mind when I saw the turn and the guardrail up ahead. I tapped the top of the car and sighed a heavy breath, moving back in to take over the driving. I wished with all my might it could be different, that Paxton would accept her and she could be in my life.
I don’t even know if Izabella saw it coming. Her eyes were closed and her voice had grown loud, singing the chorus to a childhood memory. Everything else happened in slow, but fast motion. I couldn’t stop it. My eyes went to the bend in the road and then to the pedals. I couldn’t reach them. The tail of my dress caught on something. I screamed for Izzy right before we drove off the side of the road. The car just sort of glided like a bird, missing the guardrail completely. Like we drove off the cliff on purpose, a true Thelma and Louise.
And then darkness.
I love you my little Clydes.
Chapter One