“You go deal with him. I need to get dressed,” I said to Janson as he stood up and started putting on his clothing. I was panicking and I knew it. Shit was going down everywhere. At home, and now with the only two people in the entire world I trusted.
As soon as he was out of the room, I thought about the thing I had in my purse. The thing I needed to do before anyone else knew. A pregnancy test.
I’d been late for two weeks, but I hadn’t mentioned it to him. I just kept ignoring it, hoping I would get my period or something. I was scared. I’d been taking the pill, but I forgot a couple of times. Just twice. That wasn’t enough for something to happen, was it?
Janson wanted it more than anything, but I wasn’t about to tell him. Not until I knew for certain. I needed to do it.
Best time might be while those two were hashing it out.
I ran into the bathroom and peed on that little stick, then stuck it on the sink to wait.
Three minutes, the box said. The three longest freaking minutes of my entire life.
When I looked at the stick I saw it. A plus on the damn thing.
I’d been silly, thinking that I could run away from this. I should’ve been more careful. I should’ve been sure each and every time.
It felt like my walls were closing in on me, trying to force me into defeat. But I wasn’t ready for that. I wasn’t ready for any of this. I didn’t want to go out there and tell my brother what was happening. I didn’t want to explain it to him. I didn’t want to let Janson know how I felt. Not when I was so unsure of his own feelings. He said he wanted me to have his baby, but did he mean it? Would he really come to my side out of love? Or would it be out of obligation?
I couldn’t breathe. It was all just too f*ck
ing much. Panic surrounded me and threatened to overwhelm. I just wanted to get the hell out of there. And I wanted to play violin. I couldn’t do that here. I couldn’t do anything I wanted. Coming back was a mistake. I should’ve stayed in Chicago.
I needed to get the f*ck
out. I had to do something.
I grabbed my phone and looked up the nearest bus station. There was a bus leaving in thirty minutes for Chi-town. If I could just get there, I knew that I could talk to Badger. I could stay there, play my music, and just have a few days to breathe. Then I could talk to Janson, tell him how I felt.
But right now, I needed the hell out of this situation.
So, I did what I did best. I snuck out the window and down the fire escape.
I couldn’t stay here. I couldn’t stand this.
The boys could figure shit out on their own. I needed a break.
Janson
“What in the f*ck
are you thinking?” Greyson asked me as he grabbed my decanter and poured himself a glass of scotch. I would’ve said something, but it wasn’t the time. “You are a grown man and she is barely an adult!”
Besides, it was probably well deserved.
“Greyson, I didn’t need a reason. She was beautiful and kind and she saw me for who I really was,” I said as I explained it to him. “I didn’t mean to fall, just like you didn’t mean to sleep with my sister. You and I both know she is much older than her age. Besides, Joanna and you share an age difference. And you slept with my sister who is the same age as yours!”
I wasn’t going to back down from this. Not now. Not when I loved her so much.
“First of all, I very intentionally slept with your sister. I was a flaming dick and I wanted to see how far I could push boundaries. I deserved the f*ck
ing beating I got. Second of all, what do you mean fall?” he asked. It was too f*ck
ing emotional for either of us, and I just wanted to dance around it.
But I couldn’t. He had to understand.
“I love her, Greyson.”
“What?” he asked as he squinted at me.
“I love her. I want to be with her. Marry her, make her mine, whatever she wants. I want to take care of her.” The words came out more forcefully than I intended and when I looked up, I realized Greyson was gape-mouthed. I’d never even expressed interest in a woman that went beyond physical before, so this was a shock to us both. “I’m not going to hurt her, Greyson.”
“You better f*ck
ing not,” was all he said, but we both knew the fight was lost.
There was no way he could forbid this. Not after what he’d been through.
Silence passed between us and then there was nothing.
“Where in the hell is she?” Greyson asked as he looked around. “Kathryn should be out here by now.”
“So you can yell at her, too?” I asked. I was being witty and we both smiled. It was going to be okay. Suddenly, I wasn’t sure why I was nervous. I’d spent so long running from the truth and convincing myself this was going to be more than it was, that I felt like a f*ck
ing fool.
“Something like that,” he answered.
“Well, I’ll go get her.” I walked down the hall to our bedroom and knocked on the door. Nothing. “Kat?” I asked, but she didn’t answer.
So, I turned the handle on the door. It was f*ck
ing locked. Panic rose up in my chest. There was no reason for this goddamn door to be f*ck
ing locked. “Let me in right the f*ck
now,” I growled as I turned it again.