Janson wasn’t lying when he told me he was a monster. He really believed that he was. Hell, a part of me believed that he was. Not because he was one, but because he was made to become one. Because his father and my father put him in that position.
The same position they put so many men in just for fun. Because it was all about business and money. It was f*ck
ing ridiculous. My blood boiled just thinking about all the things they made him do. And other men. Men like Michael.
I started the shower and waited until it was warm enough.
“You shouldn’t want to be here with me,” Janson said as he stared at me. He still looked so dangerous. Like he was fighting the urge to commit more acts of violence. But he would never hurt me. He made that promise, and I believed him.
“I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere,” I said as I grabbed him and pulled myself into him. He was covered in blood and dirt, and I didn’t care. The clothing could be replaced, and all of the stuff on his body was temporary. It could all wash away. It would all wash away. He was more important.
He was important to me.
He pulled me into the shower, the water of the multiple jets washing over both our bodies. It was wonderful and sinful even in the moment. I loved the way it felt against my skin. I loved the way he felt against my skin.
We were in so deep, and I knew there was nothing we could do.
“You have no idea the shit I’ve been through, Kathryn.” The words came out slowly. One at a time. But I just wrapped my arms around his torso and found a few of his scars. I fingered them softly. He was everything I'd ever wanted. I'd always loved him.
And now I had him. All of him. Scars and all.
And I loved that about him.
“I do have some idea. Not the way you do. But I understand what and who you are. And I don’t care about all that. I know who you are. You are a good man. You are a caring man. You want what is best for the people around you. You know better than I what that can cost. What it has cost. But I’m not walking away. Not now.” I looked up into his eyes.
He winced, but he didn’t look away.
“Are you sure about that?” he asked as he bent his head down. It was clean now, and I wasn’t afraid of his skin anymore. “Are you sure you can handle me?”
“I’m as sure as I am ever going to be,” I answered honestly. I reached up and ran a thumb over his jawline.
I loved this man. This crazy, strong, violent, scary man. I loved him. Nothing was going to change that.
I would do anything for him.
I would do everything for him.
He bent down and kissed me, his lips touching mine softly at first, but then they morphed into something stronger. Filled with need and lust and sadness and anger. All of the emotion he was feeling poured into me, and made me realize just exactly what was going on in his head.
He was scared. He was angry.
Janson was feeling all the emotions I was, but they were so intense that I could barely stand his touch. Yet I couldn't let it go. I couldn't let him go.
I clung to him, the fall of water from the shower enveloping us both as the warm rain coated our bodies. I didn’t know how long we stood there like that, clinging to each other, kissing deeply, but I knew that I never wanted to be any other way. I belonged to him in that moment, and he belonged to me.
And I was glad that we were together.
“I need you, Kat.” He was so earnest in the way that he said it that it almost brought tears to my eyes. “I don’t know what life was before you. I can’t remember it. I just know that you have filled me with so much need that I can’t walk away. I want to make a life with you. For you. I want to be a better man.”
“You already are a better man.” I meant what I said. He was a good man. He was trying so hard.
And I loved him.
I could feel his cock hard against my belly, and I knew that I wasn’t going to leave this shower without making love to him.
And I wanted it all.
Chapter Eleven
Kathryn
I untangled myself from Janson and pulled myself out of bed. He didn't even notice, nuzzling into a damn pillow and letting out a sigh. It was so f*ck
ing cute I wanted to just crawl right back in there with him. I could lay with him like that all day, but I knew if I didn’t get out now I never would.
We’d f*ck
ed and snuggled and f*ck
ed some more, and I had the hand prints on my ass to prove it. I was positively satiated and so content with him.
It was so much more than I ever expected.
He f*ck
ing loved spanking me. And I loved the way it made me feel. Especially the next day when my ass was still just a little bit sore.
I padded over to the dresser and found my cell phone. It was barely nine, and I already had five missed calls. All of them from Greyson.
I also had a missed text message.
Call me when you get up. I want to talk to you about something. - Greyson
Shit. My nerves spiked, and I could feel the anxiety overwhelming me as I ran through every single conversation I'd ever had with him. What did he know?
Did he know about us? Anxiety turned to dread. I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready to admit to anyone what we were doing.