“How do you feel about it?” asked Shaya.
“Torn. A big part of me wants to see where things can go, but there’s the problem that I don’t know how he feels. I know he wants me to be with him, I know he’s possessive. But he’s never given me any indication that he cares for me.”
Ever since his “I want everything from you and will get it” declaration a few weeks ago, he’d been focused on Ally so intensely and overwhelmingly that it was enough to unbalance her. But it was also a little heady having someone’s complete attention on her. Still, being “obsessed” with her and caring for her were two different things.
Shaya snorted softly. “It’s obvious that he cares for you. Derren’s possessive of you to an extent that I didn’t think he was capable of. He never stops touching you, is super protective of you. And he told Nick weeks ago that he intends to convince you to become part of our pack permanently—which I fully support, by the way. Derren’s not reckless or impulsive. He thinks things through. If he’s made this choice to keep you, then he’s one hundred percent sure he means to imprint with you.”
Derren hadn’t mentioned imprinting to Ally, but for their relationship to be permanent they would need to eventually imprint on each other. Sure, there were shifter couples that didn’t go down the imprinting route. But such a relationship never lasted, because their inner wolves would only be satisfied with total commitment on every level—physically, sexually, and emotionally. If they didn’t get it, their wolves would sooner or later withdraw from the weak relationship and fight their human side for more.
Shaya crossed one leg over the other. “How do you feel about Derren?”
“Look, I’m a very self-aware person. I know I have plenty of flaws. I know I’m not very forthcoming when it comes to feelings or my past. I have constant nightmares and prefer sleeping outside in my hammock. I cook when I’m stressed—even if I’m not hungry or it’s three o’clock in the morning. Being a Seer, feeling people’s emotions all the time, means I sometimes get struck by a sensory overload, and so I’ll have my days when I need space, time, and privacy.
“Derren is a very dominant, forceful, intrusive male who thinks my business is his and who is determined to have his own way all the time. But even though he pushes me to tell him things, he never pushes too hard—he shares with me so that I’ll share with him. Even though he doesn’t like any distance between us, he lets me have my space and privacy when I need it. And even though he very rarely gets a peaceful night’s sleep because of me, he never complains or sleeps anywhere but beside me. How can I not care about the fucker?”
Shaya smiled. “It annoys you that he’s dug deep and made a place for himself in your life, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, because I didn’t see it coming. I didn’t think I even had the ability to let someone get that close to me again. Not after what happened with Zeke. But Derren wormed his way in.”
“Derren can be sneaky and subtle in working to get what he wants.”
Ally handed Willow one of her plush bears. “When Zeke set me aside, it stung even though I respected his mating. I think the worst part of it was that the rest of the pack set me aside too. I lost everything all at once. But I know that if Derren set me aside, it would hurt me more than all of that did. I don’t think I’d recover.”
“Aw, sweetie, you don’t see it, do you?” Shaya came to sit next to Ally on the rug. “Derren’s typically a hard person to understand. I’m not sure that anyone other than Nick and you can claim to really know him. But I do know that trusting others is something Derren finds extremely difficult to do. Trust is a lot more important to him than any other feelings. And he trusts you. That’s huge for him. You’ve become important to him. Important enough that he’s chosen you over his true mate. Don’t run from that. Hold tight to it.”
Shaya’s advice stayed with Ally all day. And as Ally ate her evening meal she had to admit, even if only to herself, that she couldn’t run from this thing she had with Derren. She didn’t even want to. She cared too much for this person who trusted, respected, protected—though she didn’t need it—and accepted her despite all her faults.
Walking away from him, pissing all over what they had, would not only hurt both of them but make her a coward. She’d never been a coward. Just because he might not care for her now didn’t mean he couldn’t grow to feel that way, did it?
“Where are you, baby?”
Pulled out of her thoughts by Derren’s voice, Ally blinked at him. “Woolgathering.”
His expression called her a liar. “Ready to leave?”
She blinked. “Already?” They hadn’t had dessert yet.