Maddie’s hand met my cheek and her fingers began running through my beard. “Your beard is softer than I imagined. And your skin is smoother.” Her head tilted to the side. “When I sketch I try to imagine how it feels under my touch. I would spend hours looking out of my window just trying to imagine the feel and what it looked like up close. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would ever get to do this. My drawings have always been things that I imagined myself doing but believed were impossible. Now… now I am all a fluster that it has become a reality.”
I thought of her black and white sketches, thought of the one of her and I standing with my arms wrapped around her and her head to my chest. “I like your drawings.” I said and felt my forehead crease. “I never know what people are feeling until they tell me. I never know what it means when their expressions change, until they tell me what they are thinking. It’s the same with you too, but I knew what you wanted from me with those drawings. I could see what you wanted from life. I could see that you wanted to touch me, and that you wanted to walk outside without fear. That you want to stand next to me, holding my hand, outside.”
I brought Maddie closer with my hand on her face and said, “I want to understand you, Maddie. I want to understand your world.”
Maddie’s eyes searched mine, and she said, “It is simple, really. There is me. There is my love for sketching, the love I have for my sisters…” she swallowed and dipped her head, “and the way I feel about you.” She whispered the last part so quietly I almost didn’t hear it.
My heart hammered in my chest, and I asked, “How do you feel about me?”
Maddie’s finger moved from my face to trace down the flame tattoos covering my neck, then those that led down to my chest. She traced along the ink until her heart stopped over the place of my heart. “That you are my anchor. You are the one I was meant to find on this Earth.” Her finger stopped and she looked into my eyes. “That you are the one for me. Only you can understand me, Flame. No one else. You have spent your entire life lost, not understanding what people want, but with me, you always know how to make me happy. How to make me feel safe.”
My stomach ached with those words. Only you can understand me…
She wasn’t laughing at me. She was smiling at me, because she wanted me.
I couldn’t fucking believe it.
And she was so beautiful. Her big eyes, her full lips, her flushed cheeks. I knew I’d always want to look at her. But her hair was up, and I’d always wanted to touch her hair.
Reaching up with my hand, I placed it over the hair gathered at the back of her head and said, “Take your hair down.”
Maddie lifted her hand and began slipping pins out. In seconds her long thick black hair fell down and lay over her shoulder. The soft ends spread over my chest. I pushed my fingers through the strands and felt it between my fingers.
Maddie sighed. I could feel her looking at me, head tilted slightly to the side. My hand brought her hair to my nose and I inhaled. Strawberries.
It was silent for several minutes as I stroked through her hair, then Maddie said, “I wish to lay in your bed.”
Maddie’s small frame lifted above me and she brought my hand to her lips.
When she dropped them back to my chest, I said, “I don’t sleep in a bed. I sleep on the floor,” I sucked in a breath, thinking of the cellar. “I have to sleep over the hatch.”
Maddie blinked up at me. “You do not have to sleep on the cold floor. You deserve better. You deserve to sleep in a bed… with me…”
I shook my head, remembering the years I sat on the cellar’s dirt floor, the darkness, the knife, and him as he pushed inside me. And then that night, the screaming… the night my touch hurt my brother, when the evil came out.
Maddie’s hand landed on my cheek causing me to jump back. “No, Flame. Do not go there in your head. Come with me instead. Trust me.” She pressed my hand to her heart. “I am not hurt. Your touch has not hurt me.”
I stared over her shoulder in the direction of the bedroom, and with a clenched jaw, nodded my head. Maddie exhaled a long breath. We got to our feet, then walked to the bedroom door and she pulled me through.