“Look, Madds. Flame just thinks different to you and me. Probably some condition he’s got, that he was born with. But he don’t know what that is, and honestly, even if I thought I knew what it could be, it’s none of my fucking business. He’s Flame. He’s my fucking brother, condition or not.”
If the situation had been different, I would have smiled at how much they seemed to care for Flame.
Silence fell on the three of us after that, Viking and AK moving to sit on chairs outside another cabin. Then my heart sank to my feet when I saw a third chair empty. In my mind’s eye I pictured the three best friends sitting out here at night, before Flame came to stand guard below my window.
My eyes sought out the wooden door to Flame’s cabin. I wondered if Flame knew how loved he was? I suspected strongly he did not. I imagined that whichever dark thoughts imprisoned him made it impossible for him to see.
“You holding up, Madds?”
Whipping my head to the side, Ky was leaning up against the cabin, foot on the wall, cigarette in hand. I nodded my head, and fixed my stare on the line of the trees, willing Mae to hurry up and return.
“You sure ‘bout that?” Ky pushed.
“Yes,” I whispered and watched as Ky’s eyes narrowed their focus on me. He took a drag of his cigarette, then exhaled a large puff of smoke. And watching him made me think of Lilah. Of their journey. Lilah was so damaged. I was damaged. So damaged that I knew I would be alone for the rest of my life. And I was content with that. Lilah had been too. Yet Ky won Lilah’s heart. As damaged as she was, even after she hurt herself, after she scarred her face, he wanted her above all others. And he secured her hand under God.
Ky did not move, his eyes stayed forward, but he asked, “Just ask it, Madds. Whatever’s on your fucking mind.”
Feeling heat infuse my face at being caught, I plucked up the courage to ask, “You love Lilah,” I said quietly.
Ky threw his cigarette to the ground, then turned to me, smiling his pretty smile. “That a question or a statement, sugar?”
“A question,” I replied.
Ky’s smile faded and he nodded his head. “She’s my fucking life, Madds. I love that bitch to death.”
“Even though she is damaged? Even after what happened to us—, to her, at The Order? It is not too much for you to cope with?”
Ky’s jaw clenched at the mention of The Order. For a moment I did not think he would answer. Then, breathing deeply, Ky answered. “Not at all, Madds. Do I believe all the Jesus shit Li does? Not one fucking bit. But that bitch had my heart when I first saw y’all crawling outta that cell. And yeah she was damaged, didn’t think she was worth shit. But she always was to me. Same as Mae to Styx. Those cunts at that cult nearly destroyed you bitches. That don’t mean you can’t heal. Look at Li now, best fucking bitch on the damn planet. And I got her. She’s mine. Fucking damaged or not. And I’m the luckiest SOB around.”
My throat thickened with emotion on hearing the conviction of his words. For the first time ever, I felt myself wanting to know what it was like. What being wanted to the furthest extent would be like? What being loved so fully, so deeply, would be like?
The cool wind wrapped in my hair, blowing it around my face, when suddenly Ky was before me. He made sure I was looking into his blue eyes, when he stated, “He won’t care.”
I blinked in response, my forehead creasing, unsure what Ky meant. Then he pointed toward Flame’s cabin. “Flame. He won’t care that you’ve been through shit. I don’t know his background, fuck, even AK and Viking don’t know most of it. But he’s already gone for you, Madds. I ain’t gonna lie, I don’t know what being gone for you looks like in that fucking messed up head of his, but that brother in there fucking took a bullet for you. Ain’t gonna get more commitment than that. You feeling me?”
My heart fluttered at Ky’s kind words, but just as I was about to thank him, Mae and Styx emerged from the woods, Styx holding three bags.