My heart fired off in my chest, but I let Maddie lead me out of the cabin and into the woods at the back of our clearing. It was dark and it was cold, but I couldn’t feel a fucking thing as I watched Maddie walk ahead. In fact, I barely noticed that we’d arrived at the river.
Dropping my hand, Maddie turned to face me. “I love being beside the water. I spent so much of my life indoors, that I adore hearing the flowing stream and smelling the fresh air. I… I could not think of a better place to do this with you.” Maddie pointed up at the sky. “The night is clear too. Not a cloud in the sky. And the stars and moon have come out to watch.”
But I didn’t bother looking up. What the fuck were the stars and moon, when I had her? I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
I could barely fucking breathe.
I could barely breathe knowing this was our fucking wedding day. Or at least our version of one.
I’d asked her to marry me days ago. I knew it wasn’t done right. But I’d just been inside her, Maddie stealing my fucking heart as always, and I knew I had to have all of her. She as mine and me as hers…
*****
We lay in bed, Maddie in my arms, her head resting on my shoulder. I could hear her breathing begin to change from fast to slow, and I knew she was falling asleep. As her hand pressed on my chest, she released a quiet sigh, I knew this wasn’t enough. I wanted more than what we had. I fucking wanted it all. I needed to have her. Have her as mine.
Taking a deep breath, I rolled over, and Maddie slipped beneath me. Maddie’s sleepy eyes opened in surprise and I took hold of her left hand, and blurted, “I wanna marry you.”
Maddie’s breathing paused. Her green eyes went huge. And it was several seconds before she swallowed and quietly whispered, “You… you do?”
I nodded once, my head twitching as I tried to explain how I felt inside. I put my hand on her face, and said, “I need you as mine. Need you owned and completely belonging to me. I need you as Maddie Cade. I need to know you’re never gonna leave me.”
Maddie still didn’t say anything, so I lifted her ring finger to my mouth and kissed it. But then, placing her hand on my cheek, she said, “Flame, as I lay here, my heart is racing thinking of something so perfect—marrying you. But we do not have a faith we follow. And… and I could not stand in front of your brothers and my sisters to marry you. The idea of being the center of attention fills me with such fear I can scarcely breathe. I do not think I could go through with it. Or even speak and betroth myself to you in front of an official. I fear I would not cope with something like that.”
I sighed, feeling my muscles tense at what she was saying. But when I thought of a Pastor or an official—some fuck that we didn’t know—I admitted, “Neither could I.” I blinked. Maddie’s eyes dropped, looking sad. As she did, I felt a bigger need to have her as my wife.
Lowering my head to meet hers, I pushed, “But I fucking want you, Maddie. I want you as mine. Fully fucking mine.”
Maddie looked up and smiled. Smiled a huge fucking smile that hit my chest like a bullet. Maddie placed hand her on the back of my head, and she pulled me down to her mouth. She kissed me softly, then promised against my lips, “We will find a way, Flame. As I need to belong to you too. If it is possible to belong to you more than I already do.”
I crushed my mouth back to hers, and as I did, I imagined my ring on her finger and my name on her back. I imagined owning her. I imagined finally having her as my old lady…
Maddie—my old lady.
I didn’t know how the hell we would do it.
But like everything else, we’d have to find a fucking way.
*****
Maddie stepped forward until she was right in front of me, the river flowing behind. Reaching for the boxes in my hands, she placed them on the ground, and stood up. Getting to her tiptoes, she wrapped her arms around my neck. I bent my head down so I could see her face.