“I’m gay,” Quinn reminded him.
“Yeah, best part about you, Q.” Rafe stalled a bit, patting Quinn’s ass. “This too.”
Quinn grabbed at Rafe’s hand to push it away, but Rafe worked their fingers together. Quinn gave a gentle tug, a halfhearted attempt to get loose, but Rafe refused to let him go. Giving an exaggerated sigh of resignation, Quinn fell into step next to him, their clasped hands swinging slightly as they walked.
“You’ve got a cat, though, right? Cats are okay.”
Rafe smiled at Quinn’s mumbled, “Sometimes.”
“How about dogs? I like dogs.”
“Harder to take care of. You have to be there at certain times. Dogs need a schedule.” A certain blond mutt stuck in Quinn’s mind. “And some of them steal shit. I can’t have any clothes out in the bedroom I’m in, or Dude’ll take them.”
“Just your stuff? Or does he do it to everyone?”
“Me. Damie. Kane. Not sure if it’s because he likes us or if it’s just because he hates people with black hair.”
“Never thought about that. Good common denominator. I’d have gone for Morgan, but that would leave out Damie. Sionn’s a Finnegan, via Murphy. My shit would be safe.” Rafe ran his other hand through his sun-gilded hair. “Speaking of Sionn, talked to him today about Damie and Miki’s band. He said they’re looking for a bassist.”
Quinn’s stomach sank, but he soldiered on, barely missing a step. “Is that really what you want? To go on the road and all of that?”
“Playing, yes. Best thing about Damie and his crew? I don’t think they’ll be slogging on the road. Miki won’t be able to survive that kind of long haul.” There was something dark in Rafe’s expression, a weight pulling down the brightness in his spirit. “Want the truth, Q?”
“Please.” Quinn tightened his grip slightly, a gentle squeeze meant to comfort.
“I know I’d be safe with them, you know?”
They’d reached the end of one line, cooled under a thick shade from a row of old tall trees growing along the edge of the lot. Rafe stopped, sliding his feet on either side of Quinn’s so they stood facing one another, their chests brushing lightly.
What Rafe said next scared Quinn much more than the thought of parenting any child.
“I can’t be near drugs, Q. Not even close.” Rafe’s gaze drifted off of Quinn’s face, fixing on something off in the distance. “I crawl into that pill bottle one more time, I’m not going to make it out. I’ll fucking die, Q. And I’ll kill off any love I’ve got from someone else along the way.”
“Rafe…. Raphael, you’re not—”
“You didn’t see me, Q. I couldn’t let you see me. Not like that.” Rafe’s brown eyes swam with tears, glazing them with a sheen. “I burned every bridge I had. Hell, I’m surprised your mom and dad are still talking to me. God knows my mom’s iffy sometimes. The shit I did. The crap I said to them. I can’t do that again, Quinn. And I sure as shit don’t ever want to do that to you.”
“Is that why you told Mum I couldn’t go see you down in Los Angeles?” He captured Rafe’s chin in his free hand, keeping a tight hold on Rafe’s hand with the other. “Because you think I couldn’t stand to see you like that?”
“I couldn’t… risk it. Not you, Q. Never you.” Rafe pushed in tight, letting go of Quinn’s hand to wrap his arms around Quinn’s waist. Burying his face in the crook of Quinn’s neck, he rocked them slightly, sighing when Quinn’s arms came up to hold him. “God, magpie. I just couldn’t let you see how far I fell. How much I fucked up.”
“Well, that’s stupid,” Quinn murmured, stroking at Rafe’s back. “You saw me when I was so broken I wanted to fall… wanted to die… and you didn’t care. You were there for me. You left the road to be with me. Why would you think I’d turn away from you when you needed me the most?”
“’Cause I’m stupid? I was scared?” Rafe laughed, sniffing through his tears. “I couldn’t lose you, Q. I was so fucking ashamed, and now I’m scared shitless I’m not good enough to stand up next to those guys and play… because they’re that good, and I’m a fucking broken mess. And you’ll see me fail there too. Then what?”
“I’m yours, Rafe. Through everything. I’ll always be here.” He held on tight, feeling Rafe’s sob shudder through their entwined bodies. “They’d be stupid to not want you. You’re Rafe fucking Andrade, rock god. Who is now leaking down my neck.”
“I think that’s snot,” Rafe mumbled.
“Oh.” Quinn chuckled. “That’s okay, then. Just glycoproteins and water. Drool you’ve got to watch out for. Being a god and everything. Your saliva could turn out to be venomous.”
“You are so damned weird, Q.” Rafe’s burst of laughter felt good against Quinn’s skin. “And thank fucking God for it because I wouldn’t have you any other way.”