“I passed right out,” I said when I recovered my thoughts. “Did you drug me again?”
He let out a small laugh. “I promise I won’t drug you anymore.”
I didn’t find it particularly amusing but I was glad he at least promised it.
“Here, take a seat,” he said, gesturing to the co-pilot chair. “Can I get you a drink?”
I shook my head but sat down next to him. There was a pleasing amount of space between us and having another wheel at my fingertips was exciting in a novel way.
“What happens if I start steering?” I asked, closing my fingers around the suede covering.
“I’ll counter-steer,” he said. “And I will override you.”
I pressed my lips together and watched as the water flew past the boat, delicate white sea spray that matched the fluffy clouds. In the distance were ghostly shapes, oil rigs obscured by the haze.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been this far out before.”
“Soon it will be blue water,” he said, shaking the glass in his hand, the ice cubes rattling. Gin and tonic. “And then there will be no land in sight.” He finally turned to look at me. “Does that scare you?”
Actually, it did. And so did he.
Instead, I gave him a shrug and turned my attention back to the sea, to the dizzying heights of the mast. It was only then that I noticed a crow’s nest about halfway and one of the crew members up there.
“What’s he doing?” I asked. The young man looked like a black blob amongst the size of the mast.
“He’s being punished.”
I stared dumbly at Javier. “You’re kidding me? What for?”
He shook his glass and took a long sip before saying, “I didn’t like the way he was looking at you.”
I couldn’t believe my ears.
“Looking at … how was he looking at me?”
“You don’t want to know, angel.”
“Javier, you can’t punish the guy, he’s just a fucking kid!”
“He should know better. You’re the lady of the boat and you deserve respect.”
This was doing my head in.
“Respect? You wouldn’t know respect if it crawled up your ass and died. You’re blackmailing me, how is that for respect.”
“I have a special relationship with you,” he said softly, then looked back at the boy on the crow’s nest, eyes narrowing.
“You have nothing with me,” I said and got out of the chair. Javier reached over and grabbed me by the bicep and I was thankful for the layer of cardigan between our skin.
“I’m not hurting you,” he said but pulled me closer to him. His eyes burned into me, mine burning right back.
“And if I struggle?” I sniped, raising my arm, letting him know I was all for it. Anything to let me hold something above him.
“Then I’ll change my tactics,” he said, getting up and taking a step closer.
“You stay back,” I said, so glad that we were alone in the cockpit. I didn’t want anyone else to see how this was playing out, seeing me so damn weak.
“Or what?” he teased nastily. “You’ll hit me?”
I thought about it, I really did. It’s all I ever wanted since we left the dust of Palm Valley behind. But not like this. Not when he wanted it. Why did my ex-boyfriend have to be such a sick son of a bitch?
“I’m going to my room,” I said, jerking my arm away from him. His grip loosened and his hand slid down to my wrist where he held on. It felt electric in an extremely disturbing way.
“Dinner is going to be ready soon,” he said, voice lower, smoother, as if he was confiding in me. “One of the boys, Marc, is actually a very good cook.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Starving yourself isn’t proving a point, you know.”
I wasn’t starving myself, not really. I just knew he’d take pleasure in watching me eat, food that probably was absolutely delicious, and I didn’t want to give him anything. I was already doing enough for him, coming on this trip, committing to something I didn’t even want to think about.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I told him. Then I snatched my hand out of his grasp and walked off quickly down the stairs and down another, until I was back in the bowels of the ship. I went in my cabin door, locked it, and sat on the bed, my knees brought up to my chest. I had a whole evening to think, hoping the rock of the boat would jostle my brain into reacting.