Shipwrecked with Mr. Wrong

chapter TWELVE



ROB faked sleep as he heard Honor fumble at the tent flap. He wasn’t sure she’d even come back here after the scene on the beach. After the agony of his words. He’d left her to be alone with her thoughts and her turtles.

As usual.

He was sure she’d find anywhere else to sleep today. The beach. The turtle clearing. Even his boat. Or go without rest altogether. But she didn’t. Instead, she silently let herself into the tent, shrugged off a few outer layers and then crawled right in beside him. Under the covers for the first time. He wasn’t stupid enough to think that was a come-on.

He knew goodbye when he saw it.

Her whole body still trembled. Was still icy-cold. He felt sick that his words had caused her such pain. He’d meant them to have impact but not the impact of live munitions.

She kept her body stiff and separate from his. She was intent on pushing him away but an unconscious part brought her here, back to him. A part that had power. He reached out and hooked one arm around her waist. To let her know he wasn’t still angry; that some things mattered more than what you said. She didn’t move—in either direction. He pulled silently, gently and twisted his body forward to meet hers. She let herself be pulled backwards and curled around his arm as he slid it up across her chest to grip her shoulder. He didn’t stop pulling until her whole frigid body tucked into the warm length of his, her convex curves fitting everywhere he was concave.

As if she was made to fit him.

She didn’t care that he was naked. He didn’t care that she wasn’t. The two of them lay together, his heat soaking into her skin, not speaking a word. Just letting their bodies commune. Her tearless trembles amplified for a few minutes but, eventually, they merged into a series of hard shudders that, in turn, finally turned into regular breathing as she fell asleep.

Rob lowered his head until his lips found her nape. He pressed them there hard, and held them against her as he squeezed his eyes closed.

This could only go two ways.

And he knew which way was most likely.

* * *

Honor stopped in her tracks coming back from her nature-call as she heard the noises coming from her tent. The only mammals on this island were human but it sounded like a grizzly bear was having a fine old time fossicking through her stuff.

Rob was snoring.

Her heart lurched like a reef-fish at low tide. On anyone else, she would have found the guttural growling irritating. On him...it was adorable.

Oh, Honor, you’re screwed! Guilt poured in hot on the tails of that thought and set up a deep gnawing in her stomach.

She shouldn’t touch him again. It would only complicate things and make it harder when the drop vessel came. Tomorrow. One more day. One more dawn. Her heart sank. Rob would leave tomorrow. Not just for a while, but for good. She’d like to say not a moment too soon, but the truth was it was a number of moments too late.

The moment with the dying chick. The moment with the six kisses. The moment he gave her back the ocean. The moment he ripped into her soul with the truth.

All of them sending her plunging deeper into dangerous, unchartered emotional territory. All of them pounding at her heart, demanding entry. All of them screaming I love you despite the complete impossibility of that. It had only been a few days.

Really: she’d been falling for him from the moment he’d first smiled at her.

Love just didn’t happen that quickly. Lust did, though. That could be all that was going on with them. But her experience on the beach the other night made a mockery of that thought. The way her heart had melted at the image of a young Rob, hankering for the love and attention of parents who were too busy socialising to see what a special soul he had. She could easily imagine him burying himself in the comfort of story books—space stories, dinosaurs, pirates—anything that lessened the impact of his home life. Not hard to see how his bright teenage mind, fuelled with images from childhood adventure stories, could have developed a fascination for shipwrecks and archaeology. The past would have been infinitely preferable to his present.

Ugh, she was doing it again. She didn’t want to think about Rob as an unhappy, defenceless child. To imagine what made him tick. To wonder how that fitted with the man he was today. The only child she should be thinking about was Justin.

Justin...

But Rob made it harder by leaning his weight on her carefully constructed barriers and shoving his foot into the emotional door she’d prefer to slam shut between them. Did he even know he was doing it?

She stiffened her spine and marched into the tent, not caring if she woke him. Intent to do so, in fact. She knew what had to be done. Before it was too late. ‘Come on, sleeping beauty, wake up. My turn.’

Creeping into bed with him would only delay the inevitable. She’d done it last night because she’d found herself in such a deep pit of despair she had to feel something or she would simply have walked out into the dark ocean. Rob was the any-port-in-a-storm of her overwhelmed emotions. The hard strength of his body had been an anchor she’d literally clung to for her life. And he’d made no demands on her except for the desperate press of his lips that she was sure he didn’t know she was awake to feel.

She was going to hurt him. Badly.

She nudged his sleeping form heavily with her bare foot. The snoring rapidly stopped on a surprised snort.

‘Did you just kick me?’ Gritty eyes peeled open to blink at her in confusion.

‘No. I nudged you with my foot. Come on. It’s my turn to sleep. Go take a mid-morning swim or something.’

He sat up, watching her warily. ‘You aren’t coming back in here with me?’

Taking the bull by its horns was every bit as perilous as it sounded. She stood as tall as the tent allowed and looked down on him.

‘I...no, Rob. I’m not.’

‘You’re not?’

‘I don’t want to and I have a right to express what I want.’ Ugh. She wanted to slap herself at the petulance she heard in her own voice.

‘You don’t want to?’

Okay, he was sleep deprived but did he really have to repeat everything she said? She nudged him with her foot again.

‘No, I don’t.’ He stretched up towards her. Her hands flew up. ‘And before you say “Oh, really?” and hit me with that killer look, I’m willing to acknowledge that you could quite easily change my mind and have me stripping off my clothes—’ she ignored the flames that burst into life in his eyes ‘—but the fact remains, I don’t want to.’

She looked warily at him as he digested this. Silent seconds ticked by. She sank down next to him on the mattress. Defeated.

‘I leave tomorrow,’ he said quietly. Simply.

‘I know.’

‘And you don’t want to?’

‘We had to stop some time.’

Suspicion narrowed his gaze. ‘Let’s stop tomorrow.’

‘No, Rob. I’m stopping today. We’re done.’

He looked calm but the clench in his jaw gave him away. He reached a hand out towards her. She scrambled backwards.

‘Don’t touch me!’ After everything they’d shared, she didn’t want to hurt him with her vehemence. Her chest sucked back into itself. ‘Please. If you touch me, I’ll cave. And I don’t want to cave. I’m asking you to respect the fact that I can’t do this any more.’

Her voice cracked on the final words. Damn.

His eyes clouded over and then he dropped them to look at her tightly clenched hands where she rested them on the mattress. Grief washed through her.

‘Rob...’

‘So, that’s it then. Game over.’

‘It had to come to an end sooner or later.’

‘Who says?’ She hadn’t seen him this angry since the day on the beach. It mobilised her. Anger was only going to open the door to things she’d rather not release.

‘I do, Rob. By all means carry on by yourself but it’s not going to be quite the same, is it?’ Her words were sarcastic and blunt but she had to make sure he understood.

It’s over.

He stood and pushed past her to exit the tent. His lithe golden body tormented her with its closeness. He snatched his shorts as he went.

Her heart pounded heavily in the silence and she sat for a moment, regrouping. If she stayed in the tent she could just let him go; he wouldn’t come back in. He was as good as his word. But she felt the hurt radiating from him and wanted to—needed to—explain further. She scrabbled out after him and then cannoned into steel as she met him coming straight back in, now partially clothed. His hands automatically snaked around her to stop her falling.

‘Do you understand that this doesn’t come along every day, Honor?’ He pulled her hard up against his body to reinforce their physical compatibility. Then he motioned back and forth between their foreheads ‘Or this?’

His voice took on a husky edge as he repeated the action from her heart to his and back again. ‘Or this. Is it so easy for you to just throw that away?’

She melted at the feel of his hot body against hers. Hotter than usual, given his extreme anger. ‘I don’t want this or this—’ she touched her head and then her heart, panic rising as he held her fast ‘—and without those it’s not fair of me to want you physically. It’s not right.’

‘But you do want me?’ He almost shook her and then thrust her away from him on a curse and turned his back. Tears sprang into her eyes.

‘Of course I want you. It’s been amazing. A gift.’ He bent to pull his shoes on and she watched the ripple of his powerful muscles. She knew, with certainty, that she’d never see his like again, much less have it for her own. She reached out to touch the middle of his back, tears threatening. She caught herself just in time. ‘But I can’t give you more than that. I don’t have anything left to give.’

He turned back to her and pulled her into his arms, crushing her head against his shoulder and tangling his hand in her hair. ‘Goddammit, Honor. If that’s all I can have, I’ll take it.’

His raw hurt tore through her. ‘You don’t mean that, Rob. You deserve so much more.’ She pushed away and moved out of his reach. The absence of his warmth left her chilled.

‘According to you, I deserve some party princess without a thought between her ears. Is that all you think I’m worthy of? Or is it a couple of quick rolls in the lagoon but nothing more?’

She looked at him in horror. ‘Rob, no.’

A pained snarl marred his face. ‘Help me understand, Honor. I’m trying to find the line in the sand. Because right now this is sounding disturbingly familiar. Never quite good enough. Never quite shiny enough. Sufficient for a good time but not for a lifetime—am I getting close?’

She reached towards him, desperate to ease the pain that flared uncontrolled in his face.

‘You don’t deserve me.’ Her voice was hoarse, knowing that she’d caused him all this pain. His beautiful energy and passion and verve didn’t need to be dragged down by a woman with a lifetime of baggage. He deserved so much more.

She didn’t see her mistake until his face drained of colour and his breath left him in a rush. ‘No, Honor, that’s become abundantly clear.’

‘Oh, Rob, no...’ She stepped towards him. He stopped her with a hand that wasn’t quite steady.

‘Don’t. You’ve tried to tell me. Several times. I thought I knew better. Thought this was going to be different. That you were worth the effort.’

She didn’t miss his use of the past tense.

‘Dad would have such a field day over this one. Maybe that’s all the Dalton men are good for. Hard sex in empty relationships.’

‘You don’t believe that.’ Her voice was a whisper. The misery of what she was doing overtook her.

‘I’m an archaeologist, Honor. I believe in what I see in front of me. And right now everything is pointing one way.’

‘I can’t be the woman you want, Rob. I don’t have it in me.’

I don’t know how to be that woman.

His eyes were glacial and then he blinked, and when he opened them again they were dead and flat.

‘No. You can’t, can you? Because that would require you to pull your head out of this miserable wallow you’ve made for yourself. Nobody has lost as much as Honor. Nobody hurts quite like Honor. You’ve hidden yourself away here for years, sacrificing to the shrine of lost love, closing yourself off to the people who could help you, rather than have to get on with life in the real world.’ He barrelled onwards over her shocked gasp. ‘And then I come along and—God forbid—try and get inside your cold hard shell and force you to feel something. Only there’s nothing left to feel, as it turns out, because the scars encasing your heart are worse than the ones on your neck.’

Honor couldn’t see him through the tears welling in her eyes but she heard his jaw slam shut at the end of his tirade. Her chest heaved in the silence. When she spoke, it was a tight, arctic croak.

‘Are you done?’

His answer was complete silence. She fought the anger that threatened to explode. ‘I’m sorry that I can’t be what you want. You’ve set a standard for me that I can’t possibly meet. I was far from perfect even before the accident and I know I’m worse now. You were right—this island is how I remember my family. It’s the one place that I can be where I feel in control of my life. It’s predictable and safe and there’s no one here to hurt me. Until you came.’

She heard him hiss through her tears. She wiped at her eyes savagely.

‘You crashed into my island and forced your way into my life. You’ve cracked my ribcage open and spread it wide to examine my heart like some sick autopsy. Only I’m not dead—I’m alive. God knows why I got to live but it’s agony, Rob. Don’t you get that? Living hurts too much.’

‘Then do something with that life, Honor. Make it worth saving. Right now it’s wasted on you. It’s almost an insult to the people you lost.’

She stumbled away from him.

An age seemed to pass before she felt his hands curl around her and turn her into the warmth of his body. The tidal gates opened.

Rob thought his heart had already broken until he watched Honor’s do it in front of him. There was no word for the pain he felt for her. As though his heart had torn clean away from his flesh. Misery and regret thickened his blood.

It hurts too much.

‘Shh...’ He pulled her into his chest and wrapped her in his arms. He stroked the damp hair from her face, gently and reassuringly. It sickened him that he’d done this. It didn’t matter that he was just as hurt. Wasn’t that his job—to take her pain for her? Always? He’d done the one thing he’d told himself he would never do. Hurt this woman.

He’d pushed too hard. She wasn’t ready.

‘It’s okay, Honor. It’s okay.’ He wanted to call her baby, sweetheart, beautiful, but he knew he no longer had the right. Instead, he rocked her slightly where they stood and wished things were different. Sadness washed through him, but his voice, when he finally spoke, was firm and clear. ‘I’ll go. This time tomorrow I’ll be gone and everything will go back to how it was.’ He kissed the top of her head, over and over, stroking all the while.

Her voice was tiny, muffled by his chest. ‘No. It won’t.’

No. It won’t. He gently rocked on the spot and closed his eyes against the pain of lying to her. ‘Yes, it will. You’ll see.’

‘I’ll sleep on the boat tonight.’ He kissed her sweat-damp head and spoke against her scalp. ‘Then tomorrow I’ll go.’