Shine Not Burn

“So he wasn’t a stranger. And you’re with him now, too, right?”

“Yes. I came out here to get him to sign the divorce papers.”

“Okay, fine. So get the asshole to sign the papers and then get your butt back here. We have a wedding to put together.”

I held the phone out and looked at it, not really believing what I was hearing. How could he be so casual about it? I frowned. Probably because he didn’t know the worst part yet. Deep breath. You can do this.

“Did you hear what I said?” he was asking as I put the phone back to my ear.

“Yeah, but … I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

“What do you mean it’s not going to happen? We’ve been planning this for six months! People have plane tickets in hand. Non-refundable ones.”

“I know but … I’m sorry, Bradley … I … shit,” I pressed my fingers into my forehead and crushed my eyes closed. “I slept with him again. Last night.” I let out a huge breath. “I’m so, so, so sorry. You didn’t deserve that. I’m a total jerk, I know.” I had to swallow several times to keep the bile down. Admitting to being a slut with zero morals is quite a step down for me. I had expected it to be somewhat cleansing, but instead I just felt dirty.

“Did you go out there to do that?” His tone had calmed down considerably, which made it even scarier than his anger would have been.

“No. Hell no. I came out here to get divorced, that’s it.”

“That’s interesting, don’t you think? That you went out there to get divorced and instead fucked him?”

“Bradley, please don’t.” I sighed shakily. This was going to be ugly. I deserved it, so I sat there, preparing myself to take it in. My punishment.

“Why? Why shouldn’t I just come right out and say it. It’s what everyone else is going to say. Bradley couldn’t hold on to his woman. She married some dumb fuck redneck out west and left his ass at the altar.”

“No one’s going to say anything, because the only ones who know are you, me, him, and Ruby.”

“Oh, I’ll bet Ruby’s dancing a goddamn jig over this one.” I could picture Bradley running his hands through his short hair in frustration. He did that when he was upset and only out of the view of other people.

“She’s not, Bradley. She might be glad that we’re breaking up, but she’s not happy that I hurt you.”

“Breaking up? We’re not breaking up. Don’t be ridiculous.”

My eyes nearly crossed. “What?”

“You heard me. We’re getting married. This doesn’t change anything.”

“Are you insane? Of course it changes things!” I laughed a little hysterically.

“It doesn’t have to.” He went from angry to courtroom convincing in the space of half a second. “Listen, let’s be honest … we’re perfect for each other. We both have the same goals, the same drive, the same reputation.”

I wanted to argue that last point, but he talked right over me.

“So you made a mistake. We all make mistakes. I know I’ve made a couple. That’s life. But once we say the vows, we know that the fun is over. We’ll be monogamous, dedicated to our goals as a couple. We put another five years in at the firm, then we either keep going if the bonuses are good or we start our own firm. Right now we could take half the place with us. Then you pop a couple kids out, we buy a place in Colorado for ski season and bam, we’re all set.”

“You’ve got it all figured out, huh?” My voice went all weak and I hated myself for it. He was offering me an out. Blanket forgiveness for all my sins. And I, in return, would have to offer him the same. I wondered what his sins might be, considering how magnanimous he was being. I was sure I didn’t really want to know.

He sounded excited now. Almost endearing in a way. “Yeah, I’ve got it all figured out. That’s why you love me, right? Lifeplan, babe. You’re the one who turned me on to all of that stuff. Am I or am I not the only guy you’ve ever been with who can appreciate the lifeplan?”

I nodded sadly. “Yes, you are. And I think that’s why we have to break up.”

“What?! Fuck that. No, I don’t accept that. We’re not breaking up. Being apart is not an option.”

“Bradley, don’t make this harder than it needs to be. Seriously. I screwed up big time … too much to fix it. You deserve better than me. I don’t love you like I should. I’ve come to admire you and look past your issues, but that’s not enough.”

“You don’t marry someone you just admire. You love me, Andie. You’ve said it a thousand times. And you agreed to marry me.”

“I don’t think I knew what love meant when I said it, though.”

“Until now? Until you screwed that redneck? Please.”

“He’s not a redneck. Listen, I have to go.”

“I’m coming out there, Andie.”

My heart stopped beating for a full three seconds. “No! Do not come out here Bradley.”