“Wow, that is a lot. When was the last time you had a vacation? Maybe you’re due.”
I had to think about it for a little while. “I guess it was a couple years ago. And it wasn’t really a vacation.”
“Your trip to Vegas?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I was only there for a day and a half and … I didn’t do a lot.” Except get married. Gah! Another lie. When will it end? I felt positively twitchy over my half-truths.
“That’s the last time my boys went out of town too. Well, that’s not exactly right. That’s the last time Mack went anywhere. Ian left for a little while and had plans to take a vacation, but they fell through.”
“That’s too bad. Where was he going to go?”
“Hawaii.” Maeve smiled, but it wasn’t the happy kind; it had too much sadness laced in it.
“Hawaii sounds nice.” My tone was prying, but I didn’t care. I was curious. If anyone needed a vacation it was Ian. Maybe it would help him change his attitude to go surfing or snorkeling somewhere.
“He didn’t really much care for the idea of Hawaii. He’s not much of a beach person, but it was Ginny’s dream to go there, so he agreed to go.”
“Is that his wife?”
Maeve sighed heavily. “No, Ginny was going to be his wife, but they ended up canceling the wedding just days before it was supposed to happen.”
“Oh. That sucks.” Mack had been to Las Vegas to celebrate that upcoming wedding. It gave me a bad feeling to know I’d been around just before the big breakup.
“It was terrible. A very emotional time for everyone, but especially Ian of course. He still hasn’t recovered.”
“Is that why he’s…” I rolled my eyes at myself. I’d almost said, such a rude jerk. Talk about a rude jerk … yeah, that’s me, the girl sitting here completely oblivious to the feelings of the lady who probably cried a thousand tears over that little left-at-the-altar event.
She patted my arm. “That’s why he’s so sharp is how I like to put it. He wasn’t like that before. He’s a sweet boy underneath the hurt.”
“I’ll take your word for it. I’ve seen glimpses.”
She stood, like she was shaking off the memories. “Come on. Let’s go take a closer look.”
I followed her off the fence, not positive I wanted a closer look but loathe to be rude to such a nice lady who was working so hard at making me feel comfortable. If things had been different between us, I was sure we could be friends. She reminded me a bit of Ruby.
She went to stand at the gate near where they were letting the calves in one-by-one. I stood next to her, just a few feet away from Mack. He turned sideways, giving me a great view of his face in profile, and I couldn’t stop staring.
“How many left?” asked Maeve.
Angus answered without looking over. “About a hundred, give or take.”
“Will you finish tomorrow?”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Depends.”
She nodded. I was curious what it would depend on but not enough to ask. I’d already learned way more than I’d ever wanted to about cattle ranching.
I tried to be mad about what I was seeing - the animals’ pain and the almost barbarian practices of branding and castration - but I couldn’t work up that emotion. Instead, all I could feel was admiration and envy. Maeve made it clear that they did their best to make the business of raising cattle for beef a humane operation, respectful of the animal and its sensitivities. I was jealous of the loving teamwork I saw happening here, and the easy way they had about them.
Comparing what was going on here to my life back home, I found my world coming up short. The law firm was a highly competitive environment with people just waiting for me and everyone else to screw up, it seemed. Deadlines were strict and ever-present, and the workload was enormous. The little demon on my shoulder was ponking me on the side of the head, reminding me that my personal life wasn’t much better. For some reason, being honest with myself was really easy out here, despite all the near-lies I was telling Maeve.
Whenever I went somewhere with Bradley, I constantly had to watch what I said, what expression I showed on my face, what impression I was giving off. Here I had a feeling it wouldn’t matter; the MacKenzies were going to like me if I was nice and respectful and that was that. It wouldn’t matter what clothes I was wearing, where I went to school, how much money I made in a year, or how many hours I billed last month. It was only me they would care about and how I treated people.
It made me sad to imagine them finding out about what I’d done with Mack and about the lies I was telling them about it now. They’d think I’d used Mack and then left him in the dust. They’d tell me to get off their ranch and never come back. I realized as I stood in front of the fence in the twilight-lit evening that I wanted to be liked by them, even though I knew I’d never see them again. The idea that they’d hate me for something I couldn’t even remember doing made me physically ill.
“I’m going to get your room put together. I just need to put some sheets on the bed.” Maeve pushed away from the fence.