“Thanks,” I replied shortly.
“I should let you go. I’m sure you’ve got all of that girlie crap to do. I just wanted to call and hear your voice and to say, I uh, I hope I see you soon. Maybe you could fly out for another show. I could pay for your ticket. It’s just better when you’re around.”
It sounded as though the admission were strangling him.
I leaned my forehead against the mirror and closed my eyes. He made it so easy to forget the ugly stuff he did. He made it so easy to want to be with him for real. For keeps.
“Cole,” I began and then I heard something that brought the reality of who he was and who we were to each other crashing into my chest.
“Hurry up, Cole! I need to go to the bathroom!” a female voice whined in the background.
“You asshole,” I couldn’t stop myself from saying.
“What?” he asked, sounding bewildered.
“It sounds like you need to go and I have to get to work.” I tried to control my temper. I needed to. I was tired of giving him the reaction he was looking for.
“It’s not what you think, Viv. Don’t start being a bitch before you know what’s going on,” he snarled.
He did not just call me a bitch!
“Look, some of us have commitments to keep. Not that you’d know anything about that!” I spat out.
“Is that what all of this has been about? Commitment? Because we’ve talked about this, Vivian, you know how I feel about you. About us. But maybe we need to talk about it again. Because I don’t like feeling like I’m fucking up all the time,” he retorted angrily.
I didn’t have time to get into this with him. And I didn’t want to. My head couldn’t be wrapped up in him when I had to get to work.
“I’ve got to go,” I stated.
“Fine, if that’s what you’ve got to do,” Cole shot back.
My mood had done a one-eighty. Cole could make me giddy like a schoolgirl one minute and so unbelievably angry the next. Why did I subject myself to this over and over again?
“Can I call you later?” he asked gruffly.
“Why?” I demanded, slamming my brush down. I didn’t have time to do my hair now. Cole was going to make me late on my first day. He had an uncanny ability in screwing everything up royally.
“Because, I don’t know, I just want to talk to you. We’ve got a conference call with the label later. They’ve been talking about some new opportunities for the band. I’d like to tell you about them, I guess. But if you’re too busy being pissed at me, maybe not.” No apology for talking to me with another girl in his room. No contrition for playing the slut once again. Just blanket acceptance of what he was and what we were to each other.
“I don’t know,” was all I could say.
“Well, I hope you answer when I call,” Cole said before I could hang up. I didn’t say anything, the silence stretching between us.
“I’ll let you go then. Good luck today. Not that you’ll need it. You’ll be amazing,” he said softly.
“Thanks. Bye, Cole,” I said before I could succumb to his charm.
“Bye, Viv,” he said, my name a whisper in my ear.
I quickly disconnected the call.
I gripped my phone in my hand and stared hard at my reflection in the mirror. Why was I so weak? Why had I settled for this, whatever it was?
I stared hard into the eyes of the tired girl looking back at me and knew one thing for sure.
I was stuck.
And I was ready to make a jail break.