Secure Location

chapter Sixteen

Meg had felt lousy for days. She was tired and she knew she wasn’t eating well—nothing sounded good, not even the pasta that she normally enjoyed. She attributed her general malaise to guilt over how she’d treated Cruz. She’d hurt him again.

He deserved so much better. She’d known that a year ago, when she’d left him the first time. Had remembered it six months ago when she’d stood over his bedside, watching him battle back from a bullet. That time she’d been able to walk away before she did any more damage.

But she hadn’t been nearly as strong this time. She’d made a colossal mistake in sleeping with him. She’d given him reason to think that there was a possibility of a reunion.

Now he must really hate her.

She hadn’t heard from him since he’d left three weeks ago. Had desperately wanted to talk to him to make sure he was okay. Had even reached for the phone a couple times but had stopped herself. What would she say?

I lied. Again. And this time it’s even worse. I asked Scott to lie, too.

She’d gone to Scott’s office that afternoon after Cruz had called her on his way back from Haileyville, knowing that she needed to do something very quickly to get Cruz to drop his investigation.

She’d told Scott half the truth. Had admitted that there were unresolved issues between her and Cruz and had asked for his help in convincing Cruz that the two of them were involved. Scott had had only one question. Does this mean it’s over between the two of you? For good?

She’d said yes. And later, when she heard his side of the conversation with Cruz, was grateful that he played it just right. When he’d asked her to dinner the next night, she’d said yes again. And twice more since then. They’d been very discreet, of course, always leaving the River Walk area and Meg had taken a cab back to the hotel, not wanting the valets to see Scott dropping her off.

Still, she was acutely conscious that their relationship had changed. In meetings, she was hypersensitive to how she responded to his questions or comments. There’d been one really awkward moment in the elevator. They’d been alone and discussing evening plans and Charlotte had gotten in. Meg had gotten flustered and when she’d gotten back to her office, had realized that her neck had pink blotches on it.

She had hoped that Charlotte hadn’t seen it but the woman had been treating her coldly for days now so she thought that wasn’t likely.

Charlotte’s imagination was no doubt conjuring up images that were significantly more risqué than reality. Each of the dinners had ended with a brief kiss. Neither kiss had been as awkward as their first kiss three months earlier but neither had felt right, either.

Meg knew that Scott was deliberately taking things slow. She appreciated his consideration but thought that a hundred years might not be enough time for her to forget the shape of Cruz’s mouth, the taste of him, the heat.

It wasn’t fair to Scott. And she intended to tell him that tonight at dinner. But she hadn’t counted on a flu bug weighing her down.

She picked up her phone, dialed her doctor’s office, waited five minutes on hold and let out a sigh of relief when the receptionist told her that there was a cancellation and the doctor could see her if she could get there in thirty minutes.

Meg shut down her laptop, straightened the papers on her desk and walked out of her office. Charlotte was at her desk, labeling file folders.

“I have an appointment off-site. I should be back within an hour or so,” Meg said. “Do you want me to pick you up a sandwich on my way back?”

Charlotte shook her head. “Mother needs a bone density test. I was going to ask to take an early lunch.”

“That’s fine. Take whatever time you need. I’ll catch up with you later.”

Meg’s doctor’s office was ten blocks from the hotel. Normally, she walked it. But today, she had the valet hail her a cab. She didn’t feel up to the walk and she didn’t want to tempt fate.

For the past three weeks, since Cruz had left, nothing had happened. No more notes, calls or vandalism. It was the one good thing. It made her think that maybe Cruz’s questions had spooked somebody. Was it possible that the person responsible for all the havoc had decided that the police were getting too close?

Whatever the reason, Meg was grateful. Just yesterday, she’d gotten word that her apartment had been repainted and the carpet installed. They were replacing the bathroom mirror today and she could move back in anytime. She couldn’t wait. She loved the hotel but staying in the space that she’d shared with Cruz was painful.

After her appointment, she intended to contact Detective Myers and let him know her plans. She planned on sleeping in her own bed tonight. And she was going to tell Scott that it wasn’t necessary for Tim Burtiss to sit outside her office any longer.

When the cab parked in front of her doctor’s office, Meg handed the driver a ten-dollar bill and got out. The sun was hot and she immediately felt dizzy. She balanced herself with the tips of her fingers on the sun-warmed roof of the cab and took two deeps breaths of dry, hot air. When the cab pulled away, she forced herself to walk.

The inside of the building was blissfully cool and she started to feel better. She registered at the desk and had time to read most of the current People magazine before the nurse called her name. When the woman weighed her, Meg was startled to realize that she’d lost three pounds.

She definitely needed to start eating better.

The nurse didn’t appear concerned. “Doctor Hussein wanted us to start with some labs. Just a simple blood draw and a urine screen,” she said.

CRUZ STARED AT HIS beer glass. Across the table, his long-time partner and friend, Sam Vernelli, was staring at him. “Want to talk about it?” Sam asked.

Cruz shook his head. “Nothing to talk about. You know everything. Meg had a little trouble, I tried to help, and she basically told me to pack up my stuff and take a hike. We went over this three weeks ago.”

“Have you had any contact with her?”

“No.” Cruz swirled the beer in his glass. “I did call Detective Myers yesterday. Unfortunately, no luck in tracking down the clothing transactions.”

“It was a good idea but a long shot,” Sam said. “The guy could have had the stuff in his closet for months with the tags still on.”

Cruz nodded and took a sip of his beer. “I know. Myers said it’s been quiet, no new threats, no new violence.”

“That’s good, right?” Sam asked.

Cruz shrugged. “I think so. But I have to tell you, I didn’t end the call feeling much better. There was something the man wasn’t saying. He was picking his words really carefully.”

“What could it be?”

“I don’t know. And I probably should just stop worrying about it.” Cruz picked up his glass and drained it. “Meg made her choice.”

“If you love her, Cruz, don’t give up. Keep fighting for her. That was advice you gave me once.”

And it had worked out for his partner. It was crazy to be jealous of that. Cruz forced a smile. “Speaking of your lovely wife, you better get going. Claire will be waiting.”

Sam shook his head. “Her parents are in town. Her mother wanted to help pick out the baby furniture. I’m meeting them for dinner later.”

“How’s Claire feeling?”

“Better now that she’s a few months along. This pregnancy thing is really something.”

Feeling more alone than ever, Cruz pushed back his chair and stood up. “Can’t wait to see how well you do with midnight feedings and dirty diapers.”

Sam stood up, too. “If my brother Jake can handle it, it can’t be that tough. By the way, Joanna’s pregnant again. It’s a boy.”

“That’s great, Sam. Damn. You Vernelli boys are doing some good work.” Cruz toasted Sam with his glass.

Sam leaned close. “You’ll have your chance someday,” he said encouragingly. “Don’t think it can’t happen for you.”

Once again, Cruz just smiled. It was so much easier.

* * *

Pregnant.

“There must be some mistake,” Meg said. She snapped and unsnapped her purse, needing to do something with the nervous energy that had exploded in her body with the doctor’s announcement.

“No mistake,” the doctor said. “Both the blood test and the urine test show the same result. You’re going to have a baby.”

“That’s impossible,” Meg said.

Now the doctor frowned. “You have had sexual intercourse?”

Meg was feeling hot and slightly dizzy. “I...uh...well, yes. But we used birth control.”

“Birth control can fail,” the doctor said.

With a sudden flash, Meg remembered the first frantic sex with Cruz. The condom had come on but late in the game. “I think I need to throw up,” she said. “Now.”

The doctor smiled. “Of course,” she said, as she handed her a small, pink plastic bucket. “Then we can talk about next steps.”

A half hour later, Meg left the office with a prescription for prenatal vitamins and a whole folder full of information for the expectant parent.

She walked outside the office and realized that everything was different. The air smelled different, the warm sun felt different, the traffic sounded different. Because she was different.

She was pregnant with Cruz’s child.

It was everything that she’d ever wanted but thought she could never have. And it was too much to take in.

She was scared to death.

She pulled out her cell phone. When Charlotte’s voice mail came on, she realized the woman probably wasn’t back yet. “Something has come up, Charlotte. I won’t be coming back to the office today.”

She started walking, with no destination in mind. A half hour later, she stopped for a cup of coffee. She was the second person in line. By the time she stepped up to face the cashier, she’d changed her mind to soup and a turkey sandwich.

She needed to feed her baby.

She was responsible for another human being.

The thought of it made it difficult to move. Still, she forced herself to chew and swallow. She managed to eat most of her lunch before she pushed it away.

Terminating the pregnancy was not an option.

The idea of raising a child was terrifying.

Adoption? Could she?

She was going to have to tell Cruz. Oh, God. What would he think? Would he want the baby?

Could she stand by and let him raise their child?

How could she not? Their child deserved to have at least one parent. And he’d be a great dad. He’d been wonderful with Jana, so patient, so much fun.

He certainly wouldn’t be anxious to talk to her, not after the way things had ended. But they needed to talk. Before she could lose her nerve, she pulled out her phone. The call went right to Cruz’s voice mail. With her free hand, she rubbed the sapphire necklace that she hadn’t taken off since Cruz had left. Every day, under her shirt, she wore it close to her heart.

She heard the click and knew it was time to leave a message. “Cruz,” she said, her throat feeling dry. “It’s Meg. I...uh...have something I’d like to talk with you about. It’s not an emergency or anything. But sometime, can you call me? Please.”