Chapter 7
When I wake a few hours later, the first thing I notice is that it's pitch black in my bedroom. Jumping up, I start to panic because I don't hear any noise coming from CJ’s baby monitor before remembering Daniel is here. Once I realize that the two of them are probably downstairs, I relax. Placing a hand over my heart, I wait for my breath to slow and my heartbeat to get back to normal before heading for the stairs.
As I walk back down, I can hear Daniel murmuring and CJ's happy laughter in return. Slowing my steps, I enjoy the silence that's been absent the past few days, and the fact that the house doesn’t feel empty. When I reach the living room, I come to a complete stop, shocked at what I see. The toys that were all over the floor are gone, back in the toy box next to the couch, the clothes that were half-folded are now folded neatly in the basket on the chair, and the floor has been freshly swept and mopped.
I can't believe it. He cleaned my house. Shocked, I stand there turning slowly, taking it all in. Holy shit. The place is cleaner than when I do it. I pinch my arm to make sure I’m awake. This is unreal. Then it hits me, the smell. It’s not the noxious fumes of a neglected kitchen. Oh my God, is that bread?
Daniel's voice comes from the kitchen. My stomach is rumbling from the smell of the food wafting through the room and it draws me in. I stand in the doorway of the kitchen, in awe, again. Not only did he clean up the living room, he cleaned the kitchen too. The pots that were on the stove are gone, the surface sparkling. The sink is empty and the counters have been wiped down.
CJ is sitting in his highchair with Daniel sitting in front of him. He’s making train sounds as the spoon inches closer to CJ's mouth. My adorable boy is kicking his legs happily, a goofy smile on his face, as he tries to grab the spoon out of Daniel 's hand. Daniel is quick to move though, chuckling at the frown that flits across my son's face. When I start to walk into the room, CJ's eyes meet mine and his smile widens. He's obviously feeling better.
"Mama mama mamamamama," he babbles, earning a smile from me and a laugh from Daniel.
Noticing that CJ's attention has moved away from him, Daniel turns, a smile on his face. "Hey, Genevieve. Did you have a good nap? I think this little guy missed you. You seem like you feel better. Did you sleep well?"
All I can do is nod.
Every time he calls me by my full name, my chest squeezes. Cade was the only person to ever call me anything but Gen or Genny. He told me once that my name was beautiful and he rarely called me anything else. He always said that Gen was okay, but a beautiful girl like me should be called Genevieve. At the time, the thought made my knees weak, but now... now being called Genevieve just makes me weepy. I have to clear my throat before I speak. "Yes, I did. Thank you so much for cleaning up." My face heats, "You really didn't have to do that."
Daniel shrugs, "It was nothing. I'm glad I could help out." He turns back to the baby, continuing to feed him as he says, "There's chili on the stove if you're hungry, and some bread. We like to dip, don’t we CJ? Mmmmm, sauce." He smiles at the baby and they both dip a piece of bread into the baby’s food and take a bite. I blink. It’s adorable, and gross. Daniel ate mashed peas on a chunk of bread to make CJ smile. Daniel looks over at me. “He wanted my chili, but I got him to settle for the bread. He’s down with it as long as we dip together. Right, little man?” CJ giggles and bobs his head.
An unidentified emotion floods through my body, head to toe. It feels like admiration and something else. I can’t stop staring at them, at the way they sit and smile at each other. Oh my God, it’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.
Daniel glances over at me. “Did I do something wrong?”
I blink and shake my head so frantically that it might fall off my shoulders. Holding up my hands, I say, “No! God, no. You did everything right. No one’s been this kind to me in a really long time. I don’t know what to say.”
His blue gaze is locked with mine. For a moment we stay like that, and something lightens in my chest. He finally drops his gaze and tips his head toward the pot of chili. “Then don’t say anything. Besides, we had fun, didn’t we CJ?”
I grab a bowl and sit at the table across from Daniel and the baby. As I eat, I watch them interact, and I'm relieved to see that Daniel does know what he's doing. He's patient, never getting upset when CJ spits his food out and it gets on his shirt or hands. Periodically, they pick up their bread and scream ‘dunk’ like it’s a war cry before munching, or in CJ’s case slobbering, on the bread.
When I realize that Daniel isn't eating anything else, I ask, "Have you eaten?"
Daniel shakes his head, "No, I'll get something in a few minutes, as soon as CJ is cleaned up."
"No, I can clean him up. You need to eat something. You were in the yard all day and then did all this. I bet you haven’t sat down for a second. Let me get you a bowl." I start to walk past him, back to the stove, but he grabs my arm, stopping me in my tracks.
"It's okay, really. I'm good. Let me take care of you guys, just this once, okay? I see how hard you work to make sure you're doing everything right, and you need to take care of yourself too. It's not going to do CJ any good if you get sick too."
I'm sure he doesn't mean for them to, but his words make me feel self-conscious. My heart twists in my chest and suddenly I’m aware of the fact that while I'm much more put together than I was when he walked in earlier, I'm still feeling frumpy with my yoga pants and t-shirt.
I look down, and it takes more effort than you’d think to move my eyes away from his sincere gaze, but I manage. Making a conscious effort to keep the sudden tears at bay, I slip out of his grasp and take the dirty dishes from supper to the sink.
I'm standing, scrubbing the bowl and spoon I used with much more force than necessary, when I feel him come up behind me. I can feel the heat of his body at my back, and I stiffen, unsure what he's doing. His fingers gently brush my hair away from my face, and back over my shoulder, causing me to shudder involuntarily.
"What just happened?" The concern in Daniel’s voice is evident.
I squeeze my eyes shut, my grip on the bowl in my hand tightening, and say nothing at first. When I continue to stand there with my eyes closed, I feel his hands wrap around mine, gently removing the bowl and laying it in the sink. Then, he turns me to face him, putting a finger under my chin and tipping my head up so that I have no choice but to look at him when I finally glance up.
His eyes are dark blue, the color of the sky at dusk and the total opposite of Cade's warm brown ones. I feel vulnerable like this. Something happens when Daniel studies me intently, his eyes moving back and forth between mine. It’s like he can see through me and I don’t like it. I try to squirm away.
"Did I do something?" he asks softly, looking genuinely perplexed.
“No.”
“Then what happened?”
“I don’t know.” I stand there, my heart pounding hard, as the truth spills over my lips. I really have no idea, but his words cut me. I don’t know why and I don’t understand.
His eyes flick back and forth between mine. “I think you do.”
“I just…” I can’t say it. The feeling finally forms into words and I stop speaking. I can’t tell him.
Daniel leans in closer. He’s a breath away, making my heart slap into my ribs. “You just?” He prompts me, lingering so close that I can feel the heat coming off his body.
I try to step back, and I bump into the counter. There’s no where to run, but I want to get away. I don’t like the things that are stirring within me. What does it mean? It can’t be what it feels like. The way my skin tingles when he’s near, the way I drink him in like I’m dying of thirst, the way his voice soothes me and excites me at the same time. I suck in a jagged breath and try to look down, but his hand is on my chin. I take it in mine and hold onto it so I don’t have to maintain the eye contact. My touch startles him and we both look at our hands, and the way I slowly slide mine over his.
I swallow hard and say, “I just haven’t had anyone talk to me like that in a long time. That’s all.” I’m thinking about Cade, and he knows it. It was the tone Daniel used. I’m not always an easy woman to deal with. I can be opinionated and I like to do things my way. I’ll also run myself into the ground. Cade was the only person that ever tried to stop me. He always put me first and he told me when I was being stupid. Accepting help has always been one of my weaknesses because—in my mind—it means I’m weak.
As if he can read my mind, he says, “You’re made of strong stuff, but that doesn’t mean you have to do everything alone.” He raises a single brow at me. “This can be our little secret if you want to continue being super woman, saving the world all by yourself. I won’t tell anyone that you joined the top-secret-super-justice-alliance if you don’t.”
His words make me smile softly, a real smile. “I think you’re mixing DC and Marvel a little bit there.”
His jaw drops. “And she knows comics? Be still my heart.”
“And he knows poetry?” I smile shyly, looking at my feet and then back into his eyes.
“We’re a couple of—” his voice trails off and he shakes his head, grinning. An alarm goes off. It sounds like it’s coming from his pants.
“That’s a strange place to keep the Batphone.” I blush after I realize what I’ve said.
He laughs and then looks down at the screen. The smile falls off his lips. "Shit," he mutters, his brow furrowed.
"What is it?"
"Nothing.” He’s lying, but I don’t pry. “I didn't realize it was getting so late. Sorry, Genevieve, I should get going, I have an early class tomorrow." He grins sheepishly at me, before picking his truck keys up off the counter and leaning in to kiss my cheek lightly. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
I nod dumbly as he walks out of the room, stopping to ruffle CJ’s hair and say, "See you tomorrow, buddy."
The door shuts and the sound is deafening in my now quiet house. I pick up the baby and pad to the door. Turning the lock, and then collapsing with my back against it, I stare into space. What am I going to do? The feelings I'm having are foreign. I haven't had anything like them in years, and I'm terrified. I can't feel these kinds of things for him.
My heart is racing, and my palms are sweating. At the same time, the guy can make me smile and flirt! Me, flirting? I thought that part of me broke. Flirting’s okay, right? It doesn’t mean anything – and it’s a helluva lot of fun. I can flirt and he can flirt back. It doesn’t mean that there’s anything there. It’s just fun, that’s all. And, it makes me happy. He’s the only thing that’s actually made me happy in years—Dan the lawn man..
I close my eyes. He’s over ten years younger than me. What is that going to look like? Even if we just hang out, what will people think? The age gap is huge. He’s in college and I’m a widow. It won’t look right. Actually, it’ll look very wrong.
CJ begins babbling and I smile down at him. I’m certain that he’s telling me about all the fun he had today with Daniel. Taking him upstairs, I settle him in the bed with me after cleaning up his messy face.
I know letting the baby sleep with me is a bad precedent to set, but I need the comfort of having him close to me tonight. It doesn't take long for CJ to fall to sleep, but it takes longer for me, and not just because of the nap I had earlier. I can't shut my mind off, the possibilities and consequences of spending time with Daniel are running through my head.
What if? What if? What if? A million scenarios fly through my mind and none of them end well. I need a friend right now. He’s just a friend. Everyone else can suck it if they don’t like how young he is. Yeah, I’m all bluster in my bed with my baby asleep next to me, but if my mom found out—she’d have a stroke and I’d be a blabbering idiot.
I'm up until the early hours of the morning before finally succumbing to my exhaustion.