“No John Mayer, karaoke is on Sunday nights.” Jessica passed me a napkin to wipe up the Scotch I’d just spilled. “How are things with the cowboy?”
“The cowboy?”
“Yeah, you know, the center of your alleged romance novel?”
“Oh yeah. Him. Well—”
“Wait,” Caroline interrupted. “You’re writing a romance novel?”
“No, I’m not. And why don’t you”—I pointed at Jessica—“just be quie—”
“Oh, you haven’t heard Viv’s theory? Of why she’s out here?” Jessica giggled, and Caroline looked at me.
“What theory?”
“There’s no theory. It was more of a feeling that—”
“I’m totally confused.” Caroline looked to Jessica for guidance.
“That’s okay, so is Viv.”
“Viv is right here! And Viv is going to smack you if you don’t stop all this romance novel talk right now!” I said.
Which shut her up for about three seconds.
“So Viv has this crazy idea that—”
“I’ll tell her! You’ll just mess it up,” I snapped, and Jessica gestured as though the floor was now mine. “Okay, so here’s the thing. I feel like Hank and I are meant to be together.”
“Hank?” Caroline asked, frowning.
“Yes, Hank. Together with me. Like in the biblical sense.”
“Like, the earth was flooded and he’s the only man left?” she asked.
Jessica slipped her a quiet high five.
“No! Have you seen him? With the abs and the chest and the face?” I asked, spilling a little more of my drink as I told the story of his body with my hands.
“Sure, I’ve seen him. I’ve talked to him too. Well, he grunted at me.” Caroline wrinkled her nose a bit.
“He grunted at you?” I asked, confused. “When?”
“That day we were all out here. He looked at my tits and grunted something like ‘sweet’ and then disappeared into the barn. I got the feeling I was supposed to swoon or something,” she snorted.
“He does like them tall and blond,” Jessica mused. “Although he usually likes them sluttier than you, no offense.”
“None taken.” They clinked glasses.
I drained mine and waved at John for another.
“So, you think Hank and you are supposed to be together,” she said. “Why is that, exactly?”
“It would take too long to explain,” I grumbled.
“Viv reads a ton of romance novels. So when she got a call in the middle of the night to move across the country, and take over a house on a cliff she’d inherited from an aunt she barely knew, and there was a half-naked cowboy involved, she assumed she was now living in one of the books she loves,” Jessica recapped, and looked to me for approval.
I sighed. “And once again, when you say it like that, it sounds ridiculous. But it’s not just that—it’s other stuff. Like, aren’t you supposed to struggle a little? Isn’t part of a great romance the chase? The push and pull, the hunt, the uncovering bits and pieces of the great penis puzzle?”
“Um. What?” Caroline asked, and I dropped my head to the table.
“Didn’t you and Simon take forever to get together?” I asked from underneath my arms.
“Yes. But it was all foreplay. It was going to happen; it was just a question of when,” she said, her voice going all dreamy. I looked up at her, and her face was dreamy too.
“Well, that’s how it is with me and Hank,” I insisted, frowning even as I said it.
“But there’s another piece of this penis puzzle, right?” Jessica said.
Caroline nodded emphatically. “Totally. I think you’re missing something here, Viv. You’re missing the biggest piece of all.”
I sat up straight, stretching my back and looking toward the bar, wondering where my drink was. I didn’t see John. But I did see . . .
“Clark,” I whispered.
“Exactly!” Caroline and Jessica said at the same time.
I shook my head, not taking my eyes off him. “No, I mean at the table by the bar.”
Their heads swiveled, and we all watched as he pulled out a chair. For a girl.
Tall. Thin. Blond. Gorgeous. Smart, I assumed. She had that look. She must be the plans he had for the night.
Clark laughed at something she said, and I winced as that dark chuckle made its way over the din of a hundred conversations, a hundred glasses tinkling and forks forking. She unfolded her napkin, placed it squarely and daintily in the middle of her lap, and then placed her hand squarely and daintily in the middle of the table. And brushed the side of his hand. Brushed the side of his hand! Slut!
I was out of my chair and across the bar, dodging Caroline’s grab and ignoring Jessica shouting my name. Clark turned just in time to see me barreling toward him, and he jumped up from his chair.