A new force hauled him through his door. She stopped in the middle of the room and turned to face him with her gorgeous eyes speaking for her. They taunted him to hurry up.
She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth. “I am not going to ask you to show me your scars.” Oxygen froze in his lungs. “But if you choose to, understand there is nothing that will change how much I want you.”
Maybe. The darkness that tried to consume him into the world of self-doubt made its presence known. Or she could give him one of those looks that reached down to his gut and made him feel all kinds of inadequate. Like the nurses had done. Like his ex-girlfriend had. He was no longer that good looking guy that chatted up the ladies. Or the one who’d joined Ryan’s unit. No. She was looking at a show of his former self.
He took a step toward her. God she was so beautiful. Her eyes shone with understanding, and it almost made him rethink things. Almost.
“I know what pain is like, Matt,” she whispered.
“Not my pain.” Fear for her to see what he’d turned into made him lash out. “People say they understand, but they don’t. Nobody does. You return a ghost of a person. It’s easy to say things, but when you live hell day in and day out, it messes with your soul. To be so drastically changed that you’re not you anymore? How do you think that feels?”
She reeled back as if slapped, but continued to meet his gaze. “Probably as bad as it feels to trust someone and find out that they broke your trust, they killed any affection, and to top it off, they wanted to see you destroyed.”
“I’m not the man I used to be.” He forced out. His chest ached with a burning he’d never felt before. He knew that he was slowly killing their evening with his words, but he couldn’t seem to stop.
“I’m not the person I was three years ago.” She sat down on the trunk in front of his bed, hands folded in a tight grip. “I have a hard time seeing any good in men lately.”
She pressed her lips together before glancing up at him. “I didn’t want to come here. I knew there was a possibility I’d meet a nice guy. But I didn’t want to take that chance. You asked me earlier if I wanted to find love. My past experience tells me that if love hurts you to the point it almost destroys you then no, I don’t want that love.”
Sadness filled his chest. For her. For him. For the things they were both scared of in other people.
“Love isn’t like that. Haven’t you seen Kayla and Ryan? There are no lies or deceptions, just an honest need to make each other happy. Without asking for anything in return.”
She glanced down at her hands. “I’ve never experienced that before. So it’s a little hard for me to believe I ever will. Especially with my track record.”
It was then he fully realized Jessie had scars too. Probably bigger ones than him. Yet Jessie sat there, all sad and alone. It cracked something inside him. He liked her. She was beautiful, and the things she’d said so far made her one of the few people who came close to knowing how he felt without the experience.
He got on his knees in front of her and took her hands in his. It was stupid, but he wanted to tell her to trust him. That he wouldn’t do those things to her.
“Stay here.” He heard himself say.
She cocked her head, staring at him. “I don’t know. You and I. This is only going to lead to someone getting hurt.”
Yeah, and it looked to him like it would be him. His heart already beat harder when she smiled and his stomach twisted at her sad look. Maybe he hadn’t wanted a relationship before. But that was before Jessie. Before he saw that there was a nice woman who’d been hurt by lies that also needed tender care.
He didn’t get a chance to say anything else. She leaned forward and kissed his lips. Just a flutter of a kiss and pulled back.
“Matt, you’re beautiful.” Her lips tipped up in a small grin. “Not because of your eyes, or your hair, or that hard body I know lives under your clothes. No. You’re strong, a hero. You fought for our people and came back. You left it all behind to protect our country. All that, with the possibility that you might be giving up your life.”
He swallowed hard the knot in his throat. He’d never thought of what he’d done in that way. Just knew he wanted to help keep his friends and family safe.
“I’m no hero.”
Her small hand caressed his bristly cheek. “You are. You’re a hero scarred. But until you start to realize not everyone will pity you, you’re never going to move on.”
A sick sensation took over at the pit of his stomach. Should he show her his scars? Would that finally prove that she was different? Bile hit the back of his throat as he fought the sickness in his stomach.
“I’m sorry, Jessie.” He saw a flash of pain flicker through her eyes.