chapter Fifteen
Tamara wished the stars were out. As she lay unmoving on her back, listening to the sounds of her grave being dug she wished there were stars twinkling down on her, a full moon to witness the very last moments of her life.
Steven had been silent as he dug, the scuff of the shovel against the sand a rhythmic white noise as she focused on the last thoughts she wanted in her mind when he buried her.
Seth. She wanted to be thinking about being wrapped in his arms as her feet were covered with sand. She wanted to fantasize that it was his weight covering her as the sand weighed down her middle. She wanted to remember the glow of his eyes, the taste of his lips as the sand finally fell over her face and she drew in her final breath.
She’d been afraid to embrace her love for him fully because of her feeling of something hanging over her head back home. But now she remembered what that something was and realized there was nothing holding her back from loving him completely and forever.
She would die loving him.
Her heart squeezed tight in her chest as the sound of the digging stopped and Steven’s face loomed over hers. “Time for bad mommies to face their punishment.”
He crouched down beside her and even though the only light source came from a flashlight he held in his hand, she could see the madness that radiated from his eyes. “You shouldn’t have pretended that you didn’t see when he beat me with that belt, when he broke my nose. You shouldn’t have buried your head in the sand when he twisted my arm until I screamed, when he kicked me so hard I couldn’t walk for two days.”
Tears oozed from her eyes and she realized they weren’t only tears for herself, but also for the little boy Steven Bradley had been, for the torment he’d apparently suffered when he’d been young and helpless.
He’d obviously been a victim of an abusive father and a mother who wouldn’t protect him, but that didn’t excuse the choices he was making now. That didn’t excuse the fact that he was trying to heal his past by killing innocent women.
He’d become a monster and now the monster was about to strike and she couldn’t move a muscle to stop him. As he grabbed her arms and began to drag her across the sand to the pit he’d prepared, terror blasted through her head. Seth, her brain cried out. She brought into focus in her mind a picture of him smiling, that crazy, sexy grin that filled her with warmth.
She hung on to the vision as she felt herself fall into the pit and as the first shovelful of sand covered her feet.
* * *
SETH DROVE WITH RECKLESS abandon, seeking a light, a vehicle, something that might give him a clue as to where in the dunes the Sandman was at work.
Was it already too late? So much time had already passed. He couldn’t even be sure how quickly Steven had moved in to take Tamara from Linda’s place. She would have opened the door to him. She would have assumed he was stopping by to check on the dog and see Samantha. There would have been no sense of danger because she thought the Sandman was already in custody.
He couldn’t stand the thought of having to dig Tamara out of the sand again, only this time too late to save her.
The thought of having to dig her up, of never seeing her smile again made his stomach roil as if he needed to vomit. They had to be here somewhere and he had to find them in time.
Back and forth he raced in a gridlike pattern, hanging tight over the bumps, flying over the tops of the dunes as his heart beat a heart attack rhythm.
He’d been riding for only about five minutes or so when it struck him. Deadman’s Bluff. He had a feeling Steven would find it amusing for Tamara to be buried at Deadman’s Bluff after the bluff he’d pulled off with the fake arm.
Seth headed in that direction, praying that his instincts were right and he wasn’t wasting precious minutes going in the wrong direction.
He had to go with his gut instincts; it was all he had left. His heart had been ripped out the moment he’d realized that the hand in the sand was plastic and the Sandman wasn’t seated in the back of Tom’s patrol car.
Although he had a need for speed, he also knew that if he approached Deadman’s Bluff too fast in the dark he’d fly right over the edge and could be seriously injured. Despite the urgency that drummed inside him, he eased back on the gas.
As the bluff approached the clouds momentarily broke up and a faint shaft of moonlight filtered down. In that moonlight, Seth saw him...Steven Bradley in his uniform, a shovel in his hand.
With a roar of rage, Seth jumped from the quad, which continued to race forward and flew off the edge of the bluff. He raced toward Steven and the young man turned, his face radiating a killing rage. Steven raised the shovel and swung it, managing to connect with Seth’s shoulder.
Pain seared up his arm, but the pain was minimized by the fact that he could see Tamara in the sand, her legs covered, but the rest of her sand-free.
He’d gotten to her in time and knowing that numbed the pain and gave him a strength that surged up inside him. But Steven had the strength of madness, of nothing to lose shining from his eyes.
He advanced toward Seth again with the shovel but this time when he swung Seth sidestepped the blow and dove for Steven’s legs. Steven fell to the ground with a grunt and let go of the shovel handle.
Instead he used the end of a flashlight in an attempt to pummel Seth’s head and shoulders. A hard smack to the side of the head had stars dancing in Seth’s head and he realized if he didn’t get control of the situation, there would be a double tragedy tonight.
Seth managed to grab one end of the flashlight and together the two men wrestled. Sand flew into Seth’s eyes, making them burn and tear. Any skin that was bared became quickly abraded by the rough land surface.
He punched Steven, an uppercut to his jaw that snapped his head upward. Steven’s hold on the flashlight momentarily released. Seth threw the light to the side of where they lay, precariously close to the edge of the bluff.
Steven appeared stunned as Seth pulled himself to his knees and went for his gun in the holster. He should have had it out and ready before now, but all he’d been thinking about was finding Tamara alive. Now he had to make sure he lived to keep her alive.
Before he could grab his gun to end the fight, Steven was on him again, punching and kicking as they once again rolled on the ground, first Steven on top of him and then him on top of Steven.
Panic welled up inside him as he recognized that they were so close to the edge of the bluff a single wrong move, a simple half turn would plunge either one or both of them over the edge.
In the distance, sirens sounded. Backup was on the way, but there was no way to guess if they’d arrive in time. Tamara had yet to make a move, which meant some kind of drug still possessed her body and as a light rain began he worried that the sand around her might shift, that she would end up dead despite his greatest efforts.
“She has to be buried,” Steven screamed at the same time lightning slashed the sky and a second later thunder clapped overhead. “She spent my whole childhood with her head buried in the sand. I’m just finishing the job.”
Seth had no idea who he was talking about, but at that moment he bucked and rolled and Steven slid off the lip of the bluff, the only thing visible his fingers digging into the sand to keep him from falling.
A patrol car pulled up and light filled the area. Seth scrambled to the lip of the bluff and grabbed both of Steven’s wrists in an effort to keep him from falling.
Below where Steven hung the quad runner lay on its back, the headlights still on and steam hissing from some ruptured hose.
“Please help me. Don’t let go,” Steven said. There was nothing of a crazed killer in his eyes as he looked up at Seth. He looked like just a scared kid, afraid to fall, afraid to die.
And yet at least two women had met heinous deaths at his hands. He’d tried to kill Tamara. An emotional battle momentarily warred inside Seth’s head.
It would be so easy to just let go. If the fall didn’t kill him it would probably severely injure him. The crime scene photos from Rebecca and Vicki’s murders flashed through his head. The memory of digging Tamara out of the sand was forever etched inside his brain.
Just let go, a little voice whispered inside Seth’s head. Let him die in the dunes where he’d left two women dead.
But Seth wasn’t a murderer, and intentionally letting go would be murder. With all the strength he possessed, he attempted to pull Steven up.
As he worked, he was conscious of the sound of footsteps running toward him and a moment later Tom knelt beside him and together they got Steven onto safe ground.
Tom rolled him over to cuff him while Seth ran to Tamara. The rain had begun in earnest, but he scarcely noticed as he dug the sand away from her legs and then picked her up in his arms.
She was deadweight, the only emotion on her face radiating out from her eyes. Relief and love, they were both there. He held her tight and at that moment Raymond Michaels arrived in his car.
Seth carried Tamara there and once he and Tamara were loaded in the backseat, Michaels took off for the hospital.
“It’s over,” Seth murmured to Tamara. “It’s over and you’re safe.”
Her head gave a barely imperceptible nod as her fingers flexed outward. Seth’s heart jumped as he realized whatever drug she’d been given must be wearing off.
Raymond said nothing on the drive and Seth was grateful for his silence. Seth didn’t want to hear the deputy run his mouth. He just wanted to focus on the woman in his arms, and to listen to the slow even breathing that let him know Tamara was okay.
They were met at the hospital by orderlies and a gurney. Apparently Tom had called ahead to let the hospital staff know that they were coming.
Tamara was whisked away, Michaels left assumedly to return to the crime scene and Seth sank down in a chair in the waiting room, his heart still pounding with residual adrenaline.
She was safe and the case was over. He’d done his job and now the town of Amber Lake would never have to worry about the Sandman again.
The hardest part was yet to come. He loved Tamara, but he intended to tell her goodbye. She had to go home and figure out her life and how this experience had changed her. There was absolutely no doubt in his mind that she had changed. Everyone who was touched by murder, by terror, was somehow transformed.
He loved her and he knew she believed herself to be in love with him, but her feelings for him had to be all muddied by this experience. He couldn’t trust that she knew right now if what she believed she felt for him was real.
It was time he cut his losses and run, head back to where he belonged and maybe with time he’d forget about Tamara and his time with her here in Amber Lake.
He’d been seated in the waiting room about an hour when the doctor came out. Dr. Kane took one look at him and frowned. “She’s doing fine, but you look like you need a little cleanup and maybe an ice pack or two.”
“I’m fine. Can I see her?”
“Not until you let me clean you up. One look at your ugly mug and Tamara might go into shock. Come on.” Dr. Kane gestured for Seth to follow him in through the emergency room doors.
Seth followed him to a small cubicle where he winced as Dr. Kane cleaned off his face with an antiseptic swab. “You’re already bruising on the side of your face. Are you dizzy? Feel sick to your stomach?”
“I’m fine. I just want to see Tamara.” He needed to see her, to assure himself that she was really okay.
“She’s being moved to a room for the night. Whatever drug she was given seems to have worn off but I’m keeping her for observation for a night. You know that cut on your chin could probably use a stitch or two.”
Seth couldn’t even remember how his chin had gotten wounded. The fight with Steven now seemed like a distant dream with fuzzy parts he didn’t care to remember. All that mattered was that Tamara was okay.
“I’m fine,” Seth said with a touch of impatience.
Dr. Kane stood from his little stool. “Okay, she’s in room 124.”
With that information Seth was out the door and hurrying down the hallway. He just needed to make sure she was all right. He now understood the need that had driven Sam the night he’d been standing across the street from the house...the need to assure himself that she really was okay, that the sand hadn’t swallowed her whole.
There were still unanswered questions. What had driven Steven to do what he’d done? What kind of drug had he used on the women and where had he kept them before taking them to the dunes? But Seth didn’t care about that. With Steven in custody, Tom and his team would soon find the answers to those questions.
Apparently Tamara had already had a shower for she looked clean and comfortable and was clad in a blue-flowered hospital gown. She smiled as he entered the semidark room. “My two-time hero. I have to admit I was starting to get worried out there on the dune. What took you so long?” Although her voice was light, her eyes held the darkness of that time when she’d been alone with Steven on the dunes.
“Oh, you know, I had to change my shirt and give myself a quick shave. Heroes have standards to uphold.”
“Looks like you shaved a little too close,” she replied. He sat in the chair next to her bed and she automatically reached out her hand for his.
He hesitated a moment before taking hers, but when her fingers curled around his, he felt the connection deep in his heart. “You scared me,” he finally said, speaking around the large lump that had formed in the back of his throat.
“I was scared for me,” she replied. “I was foolish. I opened the door to him. I just assumed he was there to visit with Samantha and Scooter and then he stuck me with a needle and I went down.”
“None of us suspected Steven. He wasn’t even on our radar. It was just dumb luck that I found you when I did.”
She finally let go of his hand and propped herself up higher in the bed. “How did you find me? What made you realize it was Steven?”
“The ostrich thing.” He explained to her how he’d figured it out and that he knew Steven would be someplace on the dunes to complete his job.
“It was his mother,” Tamara said. “He blamed his mother for not protecting him from his abusive father and he was burying her over and over again. When I was in his trunk and he was driving me to the dunes, all my memories came rushing back.”
He listened as she told him what she remembered of the night she’d spent in the animal pound and couldn’t imagine the horror of that time.
“I also thought of what has kept me from wanting to go home,” she said.
“And what’s that?”
“Grief and self-pity.” He raised an eyebrow in curiosity and she continued. “My apartment was filled with it for the past two years. I’d buried myself in loneliness, wallowed in the grief of a lost child.”
“A lost child?” He reached for her hand once again, unable not to touch her in some way as she spoke of the trauma in her past.
“Jason wasn’t particularly happy when I got pregnant after we’d been married for almost a year, but he seemed to resign himself to the fact that he was going to be a father. There were already cracks in our marriage, but like so many fools I thought maybe a baby would help, that somehow we’d be better as a family than as a couple.”
He felt the tension in her fingers as a deep sadness filled her beautiful eyes. “Something happened in my seventh month, the doctors aren’t sure what, but the little girl that I carried died. They induced labor and I gave birth to her and then picked out a casket for her to be buried in.”
Seth’s heart ached with her pain, although there was no way he could feel the depth of agony such an experience would produce. “I’m sorry, Tamara.”
For a moment her eyes shimmered with tears and then she swallowed hard and seemingly willed them away. “It was a tough time, but the worst part was that I knew deep in my heart that Jason didn’t really grieve the loss, that I thought he was more relieved than sad. I filed for divorce the very next day. I moved out of our house and into the apartment and brought all my pain, all my grief with me and I never really moved past it. That’s why I didn’t want to go home, because there’s nothing there for me.”
She looked at him expectantly, but he knew he couldn’t allow himself to get caught up in the emotion of the moment. He let go of her hand and stood, needing to distance himself before he did something they both might regret.
“Now you can go home and build a better life for yourself. You’re such a strong woman, Tamara. It’s time to let your grief, your fear and all of your baggage go and learn to live with happiness.”
Her gaze remained locked with his, and she went so still it was as if she was once again drugged. He knew what she was thinking, that there had been no offer of anything for them in his words. He took a step toward the door.
“Will I see you tomorrow?” she asked as she raised her chin.
“I don’t know,” he replied. “Tom will be in to see you and wrap up all the details. I’ll make sure he has all your things from Linda’s place. I’m not sure when I’ll leave to head back to Kansas City. Maybe it would be best if we just said our goodbyes now.” His chest hurt, as if her arms were wrapped too tightly around him.
“I don’t want to say goodbye...ever,” she said, her eyes simmering with emotion. “I’m in love with you, Seth.”
Her words were like a knife in his heart. He didn’t want to hear them. He didn’t want to know them. He definitely didn’t want to embrace them as real.
“Tamara, I care about you deeply, but I’ve never made any promises. We both knew this...us...was just a temporary thing. I’m built to travel alone and you need to go home and face whatever demons haunt you there. Find happiness, Tamara, that’s what you deserve.”
He didn’t wait for a reply, but hurried out of the room. He made it almost to the front door of the hospital before he sagged against the wall, a grief he’d never felt before washing over him. It was the grief of what might have been if they’d met at a different place, at a different time.
When she’d told him about the loss of her baby, he’d wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms, to hold her until the pain inside her stopped, but that was a heart pain that would haunt her on some level forever.
He lingered only a minute and then shoved off the wall and headed for the exit. There would be loose ends to tie up and then he could head back to Kansas City, where he belonged.
It was time for this vacation to be over and for him to somehow reclaim the life he’d left behind...a life without Tamara.