I felt faith.
In the most warped of possible ways, I felt hope.
June
"Are you ready?" I asked, smoothing my skirt. The thought of standing there, at April's grave, made me want to cry.
"Yeah." Cade pulled on his leather cut.
"Poor MacKenzie," I said.
"You can sympathize with her," Cade said.
"Of course," I said. "Losing your parents isn't easy. But at her age? I can't even imagine it. I was older. At least I could understand what was happening, you know? Talk about it. She can't even understand it."
"Do you think she'll end up being okay?" he asked "Eventually," I said. "It'll be a long road. Do you know what Crunch is going to do?"
"He'll hold up. I think he's going to go back to Puerto Rico with MacKenzie and grandma, at least for a while. Says he needs a break from the club. I don't know if he'll come back."
"MacKenzie will be okay though," I said. "She will." I don't know if I was trying to convince him or myself.
I was amazed by how many people had turned out, regular people and bikers, even from some other clubs who'd heard what had happened. April was a beloved member of the club family.
During the service, I gripped Cade's hand, my fingers digging into his palm to keep composed. Crunch stood still, holding MacKenzie, who buried her face in his neck, overwhelmed by all of the people. It wasn't until Crunch watched MacKenzie toss a rose onto her mother's coffin after it was lowered into the ground that he broke down, sobbing.
At that point, there wasn't a dry eye there, not among all those bikers.
Axe
“You sure you don’t want to stay, man?” Blaze asked. I looked over at June, where she stood talking to Dani after the service. June tucked her hair behind her ear, bit her lip. The circles under her eyes revealed the toll that all of this had taken on her.
Hell, I knew the toll all of this shit had taken on me.
I didn’t want to stay. Yeah, Blaze and I had once been close. Of all the Inferno MC members, I trusted him more than anyone. Crunch and I hadn’t been tight when we fled to Colorado, but now after all this, I considered him a friend.
Our friendship had been forged in blood.
But with all of that, I couldn’t stay.
It would destroy me, and I knew it.
Blaze knew it.
It didn’t matter what happened in the club. Benicio might be a good man, but it didn’t matter if we worked for him. Hell, even if we went legit, it wouldn't matter.
I couldn’t go back to it.
Killing my father’s and April’s murderers was righteous act. But if I stayed, I would have to do it again. It was inevitable.
And if something happened to June, I didn’t want to imagine what I would do, the depths I would descend to protect her.
“No,” I said. “We can’t stay. It’s over. I can’t be part of it anymore.”
Blaze nodded. “I didn’t expect it.” He was silent for a while. “Crunch is going back to Puerto Rico, taking MacKenzie.”
“It’s not the best life for her.”
Blaze shook his head. “Dani understands that, more than anyone.”
Dani would, I thought, growing up in a crime family, her own mother murdered when she was only fourteen.
I looked up as Dani and June joined us.
“It was a nice ceremony,” Dani said, sliding her arm around Blaze.
“It was,” I agreed.
Silence fell over the group as we stood there. After so much had happened, there was nothing left to say.
Crunch joined us, holding MacKenzie in his arms. The rims of his eyes were red, and his skin was ashen, his cheeks sunken. It had only been a few days, but he looked hollow, a shell of a man.
He looked broken.
I think all of us looked that way.
"Hi Uncle Axe," MacKenzie said shyly, not moving her head from her place on her dad's shoulder.
"Hey MacKenzie," I said.
"We're going to visit my grandma's house," she said. "My mommy isn't going with us. Daddy said she needs to rest for a while."
I swallowed hard, and looked at June, who was clearly blinking back tears.
"No, baby," Crunch said. His voice cracked, and I thought he was going to break right there. "Mommy's not going with us."
"Hey, Mac," June said, her voice falsely bright. "Can I see your stuffed animal?"
"It's a jaguar," MacKenzie said, smiling. "Put me down, daddy." She ran over to June, and I heard June and Dani begin to pepper her with questions.
Crunch spoke to me, his voice low. "We're going to take off for a while."
"Yeah, that's what I heard," I said. "June and I are going back to Colorado." I nearly said, you're welcome anytime, but stopped myself. I was sure he never wanted to set foot in the state again, after what had happened there. I was the opposite-it was the only place I wanted to be. I needed to lay my father to rest.
I needed to lay my own demons to rest.
SALVATION
West Bend, Colorado
Three Years Later