It was my blatant, unsophisticated attempt to veer away from discussing my family, but it didn't get through to him, and he barreled ahead. "Not many people would be able to get past that, and then become a doctor, join the Navy, serve their country."
It drove me crazy being made out to be some girl struggling against all odds to make something of myself. There were lots of people genuinely struggling in the world, living hand to mouth, and I had never been one of them. My parents died in a tragic accident, and my sister killed herself. But they didn't leave me destitute, and I had people who loved me, an aunt who took me in, enough money for years of therapy. I was more fortunate than a lot of other people.
"No, really," I said. "It happened a long time ago, Jed. I tried not to let it define my whole life."
"See, that's what I'm talking about." He sipped his coffee, set it down. I sat there, detached, trying to decipher his expression. That's what it was. Adoration. Like some kind of damn puppy dog.
"You are just so modest," he went on. "That's what I like about you, June. That's what I've always liked about you."
Oh, hell.
He kept talking, extolling my virtues, and I just sat there, staring at him, while his words drifted into the background. I wasn't some kind of goddamned saint, and I wasn't the straight-laced do-gooder Jed seemed to think I was. Yeah, I joined the Navy to do something meaningful; but I also joined for selfish reasons. The idea of moving every few years, re-inventing myself, not getting too attached...there was something alluring about it.
I wasn't Mother Theresa.
"Really," I said weakly. I smiled, but it felt forced. "It's no big deal."
"How can you say that?" Jed continued, oblivious to my growing discomfort. "You deployed with the Marines. I mean, I read about what happened when you were in Afghanistan. The explosion. It was amazing stuff. The hero surgeon - they didn't call you that for nothing."
I felt chilled, down to my fingertips. “It’s not something I like talking about.”
Jed plowed ahead, leaning forward, his eyes bright. "Oh, I read about it, though, the interview you gave -"
"That was for a Navy magazine," I said.
Cade doesn't think you're some kind of saint.
The thought nagged at me.
Jed opened his mouth again, started to say something, and I stood up. "I'm going to the ladies' room," I said.
He cleared his throat, face reddening, and I couldn't tell if it was embarrassment at being blown off or anger behind his eyes, but I didn't care. I was tired of dropping hints. Actually, I was just tired.
On the way home, we made awkward small talk, the ride stretching out for an interminably long time. That is exactly the kind of thing I was trying to avoid by meeting him at the restaurant. Why had he insisted on picking me up at home?
We stood awkwardly on the doorstep, and I looked behind him, scanning Stan's house for any sign of movement, half-expecting Cade to come walking out at any moment, brandishing a shotgun and making threats to Jed.
In your dreams.
You told him your dating life was none of his business, and he told you to go out with Jed, to do whatever you wanted.
That's right. It's what I wanted, wasn't it? I'd wanted Cade to leave me the hell alone, to stop prying. He'd always had a jealous streak.
Jed was talking again, lingering. Expecting me to ask him inside?
"You know, June," he said. "I always had a thing for you, way back in high school."
"High school crushes," I said, trying to be casual, trying to steer the conversation away from where I thought it was headed. I didn't need some awkward declaration from Jed. "We grow out of them."
Had I really grown out of mine?
"It's more than that, June," Jed said. "You moving back here...I think it's maybe life giving us a second chance. Maybe it's fate's way of bringing us together again." Before I could say anything, let him down gently, he moved in toward me, to kiss me.
And I...ducked out of the way.
Literally, ducked. Like I was a boxer, bobbing and weaving away from a punch.
"Jed." I backed toward the door. "I don't think I'm really in a place right now where I'm looking to start something serious, and I'm not sure - "
My eyes darted behind him, to Stan's house, a reflexive movement, really. But Jed noticed, and turned, looking behind him. When he faced me again, his expression was dark. "Him," he said. "I heard he was back in town."
I shook my head. "No, it's not him. It's me. I'm just not comfortable - "
I was lying. I wasn't fooling anyone. Including myself.
Jed held up a hand. "Say no more. I know when I'm being let down easy." He stepped down from my porch, and turned toward his car. "I'll see you both around, June."
You both.
I swallowed hard as I watched him walk away. Damn it. I didn't need trouble with Jed now, too.
As he pulled down the driveway, I looked up to see Cade, standing on the front porch at his father's house, his arms crossed over his chest.
Watching me.
Axe
“Where were you?” Crunch asked.
“I went out for a ride,” I said as I pulled off my boots and stood them by the front door.