She arches an eyebrow because there isn’t any seating evident in the room.
“I forget this is your first time.” I plaster her to my side and make my way toward the back. Down at the end of the bar I see Jack watching us with narrowed eyes. Brother, I’m sorry you had to watch me maul your sister, I apologize silently, but it was either kiss her in front of everyone or piss on her leg.
I lead her down a short dark hallway and out into the back that opens onto a tiny patio the size of a postage stamp. There’s a couple of people out here. Telly Green sits with his longtime girlfriend, along with Clifton Knowles, another offensive lineman. Their girlfriends are sorority sisters. I give them a nod of acknowledgement and go to the opposite side of the patio, where there’s a cropping of uncomfortable looking rocks.
“Just think, Ellie, once you graduate you’ll never go to a place this classy again,” I joke and brush my hand over one rock until it’s as clean as I can get it.
She sits. “Rocks are hard to find in other establishments.”
“Right?” I crouch down in front of her. She looks shy, which is not how she’s appeared before. I clear my throat. “I’m glad you’re here. Thought you might not come.”
“I debated. Not really my scene.” We both turn to stare at the back door. The music is loud, but the din of the crowd inside is even louder. It’s a party scene, but I get what she’s talking about. She prefers to stay away from the football players and the baggage they bring. For the hundredth time since last weekend, I curse myself for not being more sensitive about her past.
Picking up her hand, I turn it over and trace one of the creases from one side of the palm to the other. She trembles at the simple touch.
“I’m sorry about last week. I put some pressure on you that you didn’t deserve,” I say slowly. “I guess when I said that you weren’t ready I really meant that I wasn’t.”
She curls her fingers up around my finger and tugs. “I know you’re not the guy I dated in high school. I wanted to believe I didn’t have any baggage from dating, but I guess I do.” She gives a rueful laugh.
“You’re not. We all have stuff going on in our heads. Abstaining hasn’t been easy for me. When I first got here, I didn’t announce my status, but to some of the guys my going home every night alone, not taking the offers handed to me, marked me as strange. Some thought I was in the closet. Others didn’t know what to make of me. They got it out of me after homecoming. The booze flowed pretty heavily. It started a joke. Then it became a contest. Who would get Masters to break? I wasn’t kidding before about the number of girls available at any time—from the recruiting trip forward.”
She grimaces and I skip the details of how they tried to break me. Of how they’d parade girls through the Playground as though shooting RedTube videos. They’d have girls perform in front of me. For guys who share a locker room, having sex in front of each other is nothing. There’d be full-on orgies. Contests on who could hold out on a blow job the longest. They’d run train on a girl—willing—but sex was a contest.
“Is that why you waited? Because women were—or are—a distraction?”
“At first, yes. All the time. You know we’re walking hormones from about age ten and forward.” She covers her face to hide a smile. “And college is worse because there are no parents. Everyone has access to a bed. There’s no rules. The diner is open 24/7.”
She muses, “But the food didn’t appeal to you.”
“It did…until it didn’t. It seemed soulless.” I hesitate and rub her hand a little harder than necessary. Strap on your balls, man, I chide myself. If Ellie can share something painful from her past, she deserves some honesty from me. “My brother and I are identical twins. You seem to be able to tell us apart, but on the cover of SI, not even my mom knew until we confessed. People in high school always got us mixed up.”
“People like girl people?” Her gaze is knowing.
I nod. “Girl people. You don’t really want to be with someone who’s ready and willing to sleep with your brother. Who sees the two of you as interchangeable. One of Ty’s girlfriends told me that we looked the same and she wanted to know if we felt the same.”
I let out a sigh. “Worse thing is that it wasn’t the first time it’d happened in our family either. My cousins are twins. Let’s just say that the divorce lasted longer than the marriage.”
She winces. “That’s pretty awful.”
“Right.” I press her hand to my lips. “So, I get how what happened to us in the past affects how we act now. What decisions we make and shit like that. I’m sorry.”
“Me, too. I’m really, really sorry.” She looks dejected.