“Nothing.” I tried to fake a smile, but it was no use with these two. They knew me better than anyone, as evidenced by the skeptical glares they both gave me in return.
I sighed, “I just can’t get what she said out of my head, the summer fling thing.” I frowned and shook my head. “I went into this trying to be cautious, but Brody has this way of blasting right through my walls and making me feel things that I was never sure I’d feel again. I always thought one day I’d marry and assumed I’d be happy, but with him it’s different—I’m way more than happy. He makes me laugh, he makes me think, he makes me want … more out of life. When I’m with him, I’m totally drunk on him and nothing else matters.”
Tears escaped Lauren’s eyes as her and Alexa gawked at me.
“Oh my God … you’re in love,” Alexa said flatly, while Lauren grinned and nodded like a bobble head next to her, dabbing her eyes with a tissue.
“I am not. I’m just confused.” I groaned. “Trying to decide whether to pull the chute now or wait it out.”
“What’s your gut tell you?” Lauren asked.
“This is Kacie we’re talking about, you know she’s gonna run,” Alexa spat.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I glared at Alexa, not liking her accusatory tone.
“That’s what you do, Kacie. Ever since I’ve known you, you’ve always waited for the worst to happen in every situation,” she said calmly. “It got worse after Zach left. The minute he was out the door, you closed yourself off and now you run the minute things start to get real.”
“That’s not true!” My hands started shaking as my tone grew louder.
“Oh, really?” She raised her eyebrows as she challenged me. “What has Brody done to make you jump ship?”
I sat silent, looking from Alexa to Lauren, hoping she would step in and defend me, but she was clearly on Alexa’s side with this.
“Exactly … nothing,” she continued. “You’re letting those two bitches get into your head about Brody and it’s ridiculous. Seems to me that Kendall still wants Brody, but he clearly has no interest in her. Why on Earth would you believe those skanky hoes over him?”
Lauren’s gaze whipped toward Alexa. “Did you just say skanky hoes?”
“I don’t know.” I ignored Lauren, fingering my silver necklace.
“You do know but you don’t want to say it, so I’ll say it. You’re scared.” She tilted her head to the side and waited for me to argue, but I couldn’t. “I’ll continue … you’re scared because while you didn’t plan for it, you’ve fallen for this guy, head over heels. You’re in love with him and that’s a good thing, Kacie, but you don’t see it like that.”
“She’s right.” Lauren finally spoke up. “It is a good thing. Brody seems like a great guy and more than that, he seems just as crazy about you. Why would you end that?”
“Because she thinks she’s not worthy of him.”
My head snapped up at Alexa, tears stinging the corners of my eyes.
“You think that because your dad left, and Zach left, that Brody will too, and that’s not necessarily true.” Alexa came around the island and pulled my hands in hers, looking straight into my eyes. “Are you gonna marry the guy? Who knows? But you can’t keep pushing people away because you’re too scared to get hurt again.”
“Zach was a dick, Kacie.” Lauren’s blue eyes were glossy, but loving. “His reasons for leaving were his issue, not yours. You did nothing wrong. Same with your dad. Stop thinking it’s you.”
My stomach rolled, this conversation was too much. I needed air.
I pulled my hands free from Alexa’s and rushed to the French doors at the back of the house.
“You running again?” Alexa called after me, freezing me in my tracks. “You don’t like what you’re hearing so you’re gonna go? I’m not at all surprised. This is exactly what we’re talking about, Kacie. Stop running!”
My knees buckled as I dropped down on the couch, pulling my hands over my face and crying. Hard.
Lauren rushed to my side, pulling me in for a tight hug. “That’s enough, Lex, she gets it.”
“I don’t think she does, Lauren. She’s gonna blow the first good thing that has come into her life in a really long time—and for what? For Blaire? For her dad? For Zach?”
I barely heard Alexa’s words over my sobs.
“It was so hard, Lauren,” I wailed in her arms. “I don’t know why he left; I don’t know what I did. I fought like hell, but I couldn’t keep my family together. It gutted me. I can’t do it again, not with Brody.”
I sat up and wiped my hand on the sleeve of my hoodie, not caring one bit that I looked like a feral animal.
“Here.” Alexa walked up and handed me tissues.
“I know you’re right, Lex,” I muttered once I calmed down. “I know I run, I don’t know what else to do.” Tears continued to stream down my face as I desperately searched both of their faces for answers.
“What if you stayed?” Lauren asked sweetly as she reached over and brushed my messy hair out of my face.