Mom blew me a kiss and walked down the hall to our apartment. I heard the door close behind her as I pulled my phone out of my pocket to see if Brody had answered. Nothing.
My show was over and I had just finished up my cereal and put my bowl in the kitchen sink, when I thought I heard a quiet knock on the front door. Pausing, I listened again. Another knock. I raced through the hallway, excited at the thought of another surprise visit from Brody. Maybe more pier sex?
Whipping the front door open, I stopped dead in my tracks. “I was hoping it was—” I blinked, not sure if I was seeing what I was really seeing. “Zach?”
“Hey!” A lazy grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Are the girls awake?”
Confused, I slowly shook my head back and forth. “No, they’re in bed.”
“Aw, crap. I really wanted to see them again. They’re cute.”
I took a step closer to him and sniffed. “Have you been drinking?”
“Oh, yeah,” he slurred. “It was so good too. I forgot how fucking good it tastes.”
Oh, shit.
“Listen…” I stepped out onto the front porch and closed the door quietly behind me, praying my mom hadn’t heard him. “What can I do for you? Is there someone I can call? A sponsor maybe?”
“No, fuck that.” He waved off. “He’s an asshole. Always bossing me around and never letting me have any fun.”
“Zach,” I said calmly, sitting on the swing, “I know this isn’t what you want. You’ve worked so hard to stay sober all this time.”
“One thousand one hundred and seventy-five days!” he yelled, thrusting his fist into the air.
“Shhh!” I hissed. “Come sit down. What’s going on?”
“Nothing is going on. I just liked sitting with you at the park and I wanted to see you again.”
I frowned at him. “You saw me at work today, remember?”
“Yeah, but there you’re always busy with patients and preoccupied.”
“Zach, you’re not making any sense. Really, who can I call to help you?”
“No one!” he snapped. “I have no one, remember? My mom is dead, my dad is dead, Tara got married and moved away from me. I have no one!”
I cringed at how loudly he was yelling. “Shhh, it’s okay. Come sit down.”
He staggered over and dropped down on the swing so hard, I was worried the bolts were going to fly right out of the ceiling. “Talk to me. What brought this on?” I asked.
“You. Them.” He sniffed, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.
“What?” I searched his face, looking for any clue as to what he was talking about. His blonde curls peeked out from under his baseball cap as the muscles in his biceps flexed over and over. He was extremely agitated and I had no idea why.
“You, but mainly them. That day at the park.” The muscle at the corner of his jaw was popping as he clenched it in between sentences. “It was remarkable watching them. They are people, real little people, with opinions and personalities and thoughts. You’ve formed them into these tiny beings that are amazing to watch and I… I had nothing to do with any of it. I’ve missed so much, their whole lives, really. So much time gone that I can never get back. And then there’s you.”
Oh no.
He turned his head and captured me in his gaze like a wounded animal. My heart was racing and a small part of me felt very nervous sitting here with him. Unsafe. I barely knew him anymore and I had no idea what he was capable of, especially in this state.
“Me?” I asked, barely audible.
“I never stopped loving you, Kacie. After all these years, I’ve thought about you constantly, compared every woman I’ve been with to you, wondered what you were doing every second.”
Oh God, no.
“All this time, did you think about me at all?”
“Um…”
“You didn’t.” He stood up and angrily marched to the edge of the porch, raising his hands above his head and gripping the trim. Looking out across the property, he continued, “I don’t blame you, though. I wouldn’t have thought about me either. I was awful to you and you did absolutely nothing to deserve it.”
I stared down at my hands, which were folded in my lap to keep from shaking, too scared to respond. The fear of saying the wrong thing and setting him off gripped me like a vice.
“Sorry is a stupid word,” he mumbled, though I was unsure if he was talking to me or to himself.