“How would you feel, you’re set to go to Harvard, your life laid out beautifully, and your ex-drug dealer dad shows up and fucks with your head?” he asked.
“I don’t know. Probably about the same way Darius, who had much the same scholarship to Yale for exactly the same reasons, his life laid out beautifully, felt when his dad was murdered,” I shot back. “Difference is, his dad was dead and couldn’t show him the way to get rid of his anger in a healthy way. Darius is not dead.”
“Do you think he has the tools to give that to his son?”
“What I think is, neither of them will know if they don’t try.”
“Ally—”
But it was safe to say I’d had enough.
“This is fucked up bullshit,” I hissed.
“Baby—”
I jumped off the desk and stated (loudly), “If he’d let us in, he’d know we’d have his back. His kid doesn’t need to know any of that shit. And we’d be there to prove how great Darius is. Anyone knows the people around you that give their hearts to you shows to the world the person you are. He’s got tons of friends who love him, which means he’s not only making Liam live without his father, he’s making all of us live without Liam. And, Ren, that is not on.”
Ren stood and put his hands to either side of my neck, dipping his face close to mine.
“You need to tread cautiously with this, and by that I mean leave it alone,” he advised.
“Why? Do you think Darius would whack me?” I snapped sarcastically.
“No. What I think is that you love him and you’ll have difficulty living without him in your life. And more, you’ll have difficulty explaining to Shirleen, your brother and Chavez why Darius got shot of the lot of you because you stuck your nose in.”
Fuck!
He was right.
And I suspected Darius would do that. This was why Lee and Eddie hadn’t already stepped in. Maybe they’d tried and got their hands burned. So they learned.
“Goddamn it,” I bit out.
He knew I was stymied and that was why he pulled slightly away and some of his intensity left him. But, in an effort to make me feel better, he stroked my throat with his thumb which, even frustrated as all get out, kind of worked.
Then he asked, “How’d you learn this shit?”
“An anonymous source, namely Eddie Chavez. And if you share that with anybody, I’m telling Smithie to ban you from entry so you can’t watch me strip again.”
His lips quirked, but his eyes went reflective.
So I asked, “What?”
“Surprised Chavez shared that with you.”
“He’s as stymied as I am. Probably wants to do something about it, can’t, so he’s heard I’m all over Darius’s ass and, obviously, is willing to throw me under the bus.”
“Hmm,” Ren mumbled.
“Hmm, what?” I asked.
“Hmm, if I tell you what that means, you’ll get ideas so I’ll keep the what of my hmm to myself.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Do you honestly think that’s gonna work?”
He studied me. Then he slid his hands from my neck so he could wrap his arms around me loosely.
I returned the favor and waited (but not patiently).
When he didn’t say anything, I said a warning, “Zano.”
He pulled me closer and asked bizarrely, “Have you heard the song Hold on Loosely?”
Had he temporarily lost his sanity?
I was a Rock Chick.
Of course I’d heard it.
“Hello?” I called unnecessarily. “I’m Ally Nightingale.”
He took my meaning therefore stated, “So you know the words.”
I rolled my eyes, rolled them back and said shortly, “Yes. Now can we get back—?”
“I heard that song this morning on the way to work and realized that’s how I gotta deal with you.”
I snapped my mouth shut.
Then I stopped being peeved.
Because he was so right.
And that was sweet.
“So I’m gonna tell you what that hmm means. But first, I’m gonna say that what Tucker’s givin’ you is all he thinks he has to give. I’m sensing that isn’t enough for you. And before you do shit, you need to ask yourself if what he has to give is enough, because what you have to lose with him is everything. You also have to understand that what’s at stake for you is at stake for everybody in your posse. You have to make that decision for everybody. All or nothing, or accept him as he comes. And that’s a huge decision to make, baby.”
“I get you,” I said softly.
He studied me a moment, obviously took in that I processed what he said, then he again spoke.
“My hmm meant that Chavez would not share shit with you if he didn’t trust you to use it wisely. He has faith in you to handle this situation. He’s not throwing you under the bus. You’re his partner in a tag team and he just tagged you in. But he’s expecting you to enter the ring and kick ass. Not let the team down. Now you gotta decide if you go through those ropes, honey, or throw in the towel.”
“I’m not a towel throwing type of girl, Ren,” I shared honestly, and his arms got tighter.
“I know. Still. Think about it.”
I nodded.