“You know him as Jeremiah Levine,” I explained.
At my words, Olivia, already ready to blow, pushed the lever up to engage the rocket launchers.
“That no-good motherfucker beat you up?” she screeched and I was pretty certain my eardrums were close to bleeding.
“Duct taped her to a steel post in her basement,” Daisy shared then went ultra generous with information. “Once he’d taped her, he stuck his hand down her pants, dry humped her and then left her in a basement coal room for hours before one of our boys found her.”
Shit.
Olivia’s eyes bugged out and all her girls sucked in breath. “What?” she shrieked and the windows on Winnie’s house shook.
“You didn’t tell me that last part,” Winnie Conrad said from beside me, her voice sounding not-sweet-old-lady-who-goes-to-church-on-Sunday at all.
“Well –” I began, turning to Winnie but I was interrupted.
Olivia turned to Daisy. “What’s this got to do with you, bitch?”
“Olivia, girl, watch your mouth,” Winnie put in but Daisy ignored Winnie.
“She’s a Rock Chick and I’m a Rock Chick. Rock Chicks look out for each other. We’re after Jeremiah-Noah whoever the hell. And don’t call me bitch, comprende?” Daisy answered, her own rocket launchers fired up and blazing, ready to roar.
“I hear what you’re sayin’, lookin’ out for your girl but no one disrespects me,” Olivia shot back.
“You punched me in the face. What’d you expect me to do?” Daisy fired her bullet.
“I wasn’t aimin’ at you. It was a mistake. You got in the way when I was aimin’ at your other girl. What’d you expect me to do?” Olivia retaliated.
“I expect you to get over it. It all started when Indy stun-gunned you during a bar brawl and she was protectin’ her man by stun gunnin’ your man and you got all attitude,” Daisy carried on.
“What? She got a right to protect her man and I got no right to protect mine?” Olivia asked what I thought was a valid question.
“Your man had skipped bond, Indy’s man’s a bounty hunter. Sounds to me like your man ain’t worth your troubles. Not that I judge what he’s gotta do to make a livin’, I just judge the motherfuckers stupid enough to get caught,” Daisy retorted.
Hmm, I didn’t think that was the right thing to say.
“Tell me you did not just say that,” Olivia demanded, her head bobbing, her ringlets bouncing.
Yep, I was right, that wasn’t the right thing to say.
“Sugar, I said it,” Daisy replied.
Everyone tensed.
Time to de-escalate the hostilities.
I went for the sympathy tactic. “Listen,” I put in. “I think Mrs. Conrad and I have been through enough without a catfight between my girls and her girls on her porch. Everyone, please, help us out and stand down.”
“We don’t got time for this silly-ass girlie shit anyway,” Tex boomed. “We got a dickhead on the loose.”
The Rock Chick Posse and the Pissed Off Black Women Posse turned to glare at Tex.
Shit.
Foiled again by Tex being a lunatic.
“Don’t look at me!” Tex shouted, if it could be believed, sounding even louder. “Jee-zus, huggin’ and cryin’ and badass motherfucker showdowns in livin’ rooms and takin’ a break from the action to have Sunday breakfast with your man’s mother, what the fuck? We gonna take a side trip to the mall next or do we want to find this fuckin’ guy?”
“Actually, I could use a side trip to the mall,” Sissy put in. “I didn’t bring enough clothes with me from Wyoming and I don’t want to go back to my house. It depresses me.”
“What’s wrong with your house?” One of Olivia’s girls asked.
“Drive by, AK-47 through the living room. It’s a mess, all my pottery, dust.”
I stared as all of Olivia’s girls nodded, accepting this as if Sissy had said her house had been accidentally flooded by the normal, everyday, but annoying, occurrence of blocked pipes.
“I could go to the mall too,” Daisy added. “Marcus is takin’ me out to dinner tonight and I don’t have a thing to wear.”
A thought hit me and I said, “I need thirty minutes in the lingerie section, Luke and I have special plans tonight.”
Tex looked to the heavens. “Lord, forgive me for what I’m about to do.”
“What are you about to do?” Sissy asked.
“Wring all you alls necks,” Tex boomed back.
“We take Tod and Stevie to the mall with us, we’d be in and out in thirty minutes. Those boys don’t fuck around at the mall. They got, like, a different kind of gay-dar,” Daisy told Tex. “It’s the kind that they can hone in on the best outfit, pair of shoes, or whatever you need, find your size without even askin’ and feed you the shit in your dressing room without you havin’ to leave it. They don’t spare your feelin’s either. If it don’t look good, they just snatch it from you and find you somethin’ else. They could do it in the Olympics, they’re so good.”