By the way, Bex was a pretty straightforward woman, she could be softly-softly but most of the time she cut to the chase.
I pulled my lips in, feeling the calm slip away and then replied, “Just making out a couple of times.”
It was her turn to smile. “That’s good.”
She didn’t know the half of it.
She watched my face and her smile got bigger.
“It’s not going anywhere,” I said quickly before she got the wrong idea and, at my words, her smile disappeared.
“Why not?” she asked.
I shrugged and my eyes slid away.
She pulled her chair closer but she didn’t touch me. Still, her getting closer made my gaze come back to her.
Her face was gentle. “Sadie, you know, what Ricky Balducci did to you was not an act of intimacy. It was an act of violence.”
I inhaled sharply through my nose but nodded fervently in the hopes she’d think I understood and she’d move off this particular subject.
My hopes were quickly dashed.
“What you do with someone who cares about you is an entirely different thing. It’s a good thing, giving and, hopefully, getting.” She gave me a small grin.
I nodded again and squirmed a little bit. I did not want to be talking about this. Ever.
My Mom had disappeared way before it was time to have The Sex Talk and my father never bothered. I’d had a couple of lovers, one in college, one after, both of whom I liked as much as I would allow myself to like anyone. Also, both of whom my father frowned upon and sent packing.
I knew what sex was, I’d even had good sex.
I knew what Ricky did to me wasn’t that.
Bex, unfortunately, did not have clairvoyant powers so she couldn’t read my mind and therefore she kept talking.
“It’s going to be difficult, you can get it confused but try to remember that letting someone close to you like that, letting them show you why it’s good, having that togetherness, it’s part of healing.”
“Okay,” I responded immediately.
She scooted even closer and I got the impression she wasn’t buying into what Tex would call my “bullshit”.
She kept at it. “I’m not saying you should go faster than you’re ready. I’m just saying your mind can shut down to that part of life and it’s important not to shut it off, twist it so you’re convinced it’s wrong or dirty. It’s important to remember it’s right, it’s natural and it can be very, very good.”
I blinked and my gaze slid away. Then I sighed and set aside the bullshit.
“Okay,” I whispered.
Bex wasn’t quite done.
“If you’ve got worries, talk to him. I think Hector’s the kind of guy who’ll listen and wait until the time is right for you. But keep him in the loop and let him know where your head is at.”
There was no way I was going to keep Hector in that loop (or any loop, for that matter).
I didn’t tell Bex that.
Instead, I said again, “Okay.”
“You need to talk to me, you know where to find me,” she finished.
I nodded then looked at her and in an effort to change the subject, I informed her, “We’re going to watch YoYo for you.”
She gave me a gentle smile that I understood with a gratitude so strong I felt like hugging her (however, I did not) meant she was finally letting me off the hook.
“I know,” she said.
Luckily the door opened, the nurse walked in and the latest trauma in a life full of traumas was thankfully over.
And I’d survived, yet again.
*
After I signed the paperwork, Bex went back to the rape crisis center and Hector took me to Art.
During the ride I didn’t speak. Hector didn’t either. I found this uncomfortable. Hector acted like this was perfectly normal. This made me want to throw my squeezy ball at him.
Of course, I did not.
Hector parallel parked in a very unusual prime spot a door down from Art.
Before he had the Bronco’s ignition shut down, my door was open, I was out, around the front of the Bronco and hoofing it on my Manolos down the sidewalk toward the gallery.
I was feet away from the door when an arm tagged me around my shoulders, I came to a rocking halt and he turned me into him.
My body went rigid and I lifted my chin to grant him with a patented Chill Factor Sub-Zero glare.
“I have to get to work,” I informed him.
“You’re welcome,” he said in return, looking down at me unaffected by Chill Factor Sub-Zero, his fantastic mouth fighting a grin.
Seriously a squeezy ball throwing moment if there ever was one, however, I was not at a distance which would allow for it and further, an action such as that would not befit The Ice Princess.
“For what?” I asked instead of throwing my squeezy ball at him.
“For the ride,” he replied.
Chill Factor Sub-Zero descended sharply to Chill Factor Dry Ice. “I suppose I shouldn’t have to remind you that I didn’t ask for a ride.”
He lost the fight and grinned casually in the face of Chill Factor Dry Ice.
“True enough,” he said calmly.
I waited for more but, apparently, that was it.