“Lee and Eddie are here, they’ve got him outside. Let me in, baby dol ,” she said gently. I opened the door enough so she could slide in and I closed it right behind her.
She switched on a light and then turned to me. “Eddie and Jet went to your hotel today. It’s good having a cop in the family.” I watched as she smiled a mother’s satisfied smile and my heart wrenched at the sight. I’d never seen my Mom smile at Bil y and me like that. Never.
Nancy kept talking. “Eddie explained to management and they checked you out. Your car’s outside. Jet and Indy brought in your stuff. They’re making up the second bedroom right now.”
I was leaning against the door, trying to hear what was happening outside at the same time trying not to hear.
“We al think you should go home with Hank,” Nancy said softly. “Even Tex.”
I shook my head, looking at the floor.
“I’m going to sleep for a while, then I’m going to go,” I told her.
Nancy got close to me, leaned against the door with me, more for real support than moral support, I could tel . She reached out and grabbed my hand. “Where are you going to go?”
“I don’t know,” I was stil looking at the floor. “Away.”
“You should know, Hank wanted to look for you. Jet told me. Lee and Eddie talked him out of it. When he got to his house…” she stopped. “Baby dol , look at me.” I looked at her. Her green eyes were kind and I felt my nostrils start to burn and I sucked in deep breaths to control the tears.
She continued talking. “When he got to his house and you were gone, it wasn’t good. Tex knew exactly what had happened and told them about this Bil y person. Lee was worried what Hank would do if he caught up with you and Bil y was with you. Tex told me that Lee and his boys can do things Eddie and Hank can’t do. Stil , it took a lot to talk Hank out of coming after you.”
I realized that Nancy thought I was upset that Vance had come after me, not Hank.
“It’s not that,” I told her.
“What is it?” she asked.
I looked at the floor again and swal owed.
She squeezed my hand. “What is it, honey?” she asked, her voice so soft, I could barely hear her.
My nose started burning and so did my eyes. I closed them, hard, and blinked the tears away.
“I’m dirty,” I whispered in a voice lower than hers. “He’s good and clean and wonderful and he deserves better than me.”
“Oh baby dol ,” she whispered and she moved, sliding across the door, her hand letting go of mine and her arm coming around me. “You gotta know that’s just not true.” I stood there and let her hold me as best she could. She was smal er than me and she’d had a stroke, but she was stil stronger than me. So was Jet, so was Indy, so was Al y.
Everyone was stronger than me.
Hank needed someone like them. Someone who knew good from bad, was strong enough to stand for the good or turn away from the bad.
And that was not me.
John Mel encamp sang an old adage, “You gotta stand for something, or you’re gonna fall for anything.” Mel encamp was right.
Miracle of miracles, I didn’t cry and final y I said, “I have to go to sleep.”
She pul ed away and looked at me closely. I could tel she didn’t like what she saw.
Even so, she sighed and let me be.
“I’l see how Indy and Jet are doing with that bed. You want me to send them in here?”
“No!” I said it louder than I needed to but I liked these people and spending any more time with them would make it harder to leave. “No. I want to be alone. I haven’t been alone in three days.”
She nodded, but I could tel she stil didn’t agree.
“I’l knock on the door when the coast is clear.” I took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Thank you,” I said.
She reached up, kissed my cheek, then slid out the door, not opening it any more than she needed to. I found myself hoping, again, that Uncle Tex and Nancy worked out.
I turned out the lights and resumed my position on the floor, shoulders against the door.
I heard Nancy talking to Indy and Jet, their voices a murmur and I couldn’t hear what they said.
Then there was quiet.
I waited.
A long time passed and there was a knock on the door.
“Roxie?”
It was Uncle Tex.
“Yeah?”
“It’s just you and me, girl. Everyone’s gone.” I didn’t answer.
I closed my eyes and rested my forehead on my knees.
It wasn’t with relief, it was with heartbreak.
*
I sat in the dark for a little while longer and, when I felt ready, I came out. Uncle Tex made me eat half of a frozen pizza and made me drink three shots of hooch. The whole time he watched me silently. I could tel he wanted to say something but he kept his peace.
I left him in front of the huge, old console TV in his living room and went to the second bedroom.
The double bed was made with fresh sheets, an old, mint-green, chenil e blanket smoothed over the top. My suitcases were on the floor against the wal , my pajamas had been cleaned and were folded and resting on the pil ow.
I fought back the tears (again), changed into my pj’s and slid into bed.