Instead, I burst into tears, loud and obnoxious.
But I had reason. The tears were triple-fold. I was sad about my Mom. I was grateful to Mace for taking care of yet another one of my problems. And I was pissed as hel at his father.
Mace gathered me in his arms and held me tight.
I cried for a long time and he held me the whole way through. When I started to recover, I lifted my head and yel ed, “I’m sorry Mace, but your father is a dick! ” Then, for some stupid reason, I burst out crying again.
As my second crying jag commenced, Mace pul ed away and knifed off the bed. I sat up and watched his shadow move, stil gulping with tears. He jumped off the platform, went into the bathroom and came back, getting into bed again and stuffing Kleenex in my fist.
I took a few deep breaths to control my emotion, an effort that was luckily successful. When I was done wiping my face and blowing my nose, Mace took the Kleenex from me and tossed it on the nightstand.
Juno had come to her bel y to watch al of this. After Mace tossed away my Kleenex, she made the doggie assessment that the most recent drama was over and settled on her side with a groan. Mace stretched out in the bed on his back, pul ing me into his side. I rested my head on his chest and draped my arm across his abs.
“After that, I hate to tel you, but you gotta know,” Mace started and I sighed into his chest, heavy and huge and nodded so he went on. “It’s ovarian cancer, Kitten, it’s spread. We got info that it’s not lookin’ good.” I bit my lip for a beat then whispered, “I’l cal her tomorrow.”
His arm, curled low around my back, gave me another squeeze.
“There’s more to talk about but we’l do it in the morning.
You’ve had enough for tonight. Yeah?”
I nodded again.
Then I instantly reneged and said in a voice, so low, you could barely hear it, “I know about your sister getting kidnapped and murdered.”
I felt his body go solid.
It was my turn to give Mace a squeeze.
“Please don’t go away, please.” I was stil speaking super softly.
“I’m right here,” he replied.
“You were going to tel me.”
Hesitation then, “Yeah.”
“I’m such a bitch.” My voice was louder now and harsh even to my own ears.
“Kitten.”
I got up on an elbow and looked at his face. “Did I miss my chance? I don’t want to miss my chance. You said you’re supposed to be there for me but I also have to be there for you,” I explained before whispering, “Please, Mace, give me another chance.”
His hand came to my neck, his thumb sliding along my jaw then up to fol ow the bottom edge of my lower lip.
“Tomorrow.”
“Mace –”
“Tomorrow.”
“I want to –”
What he said next, or more importantly, admitted, rocked my world.
“I can’t talk about it in the dark, Kitten. It’l fuck with my head al night. It’s gotta be talked about in the light.” I understood that.
Effing hel but I understood that.
I would have never guessed Mace had a weakness but there it was.
And, without hesitation, he gave it to me, a piece of him.
And that piece was the fact that he lived in black too.
And it was right then, I knew I loved him.
And that my luck had final y changed.
And that, come hel or high water, I was going to pul him out of black.
This made me happy but I kept my smile to myself. My head went back to his chest and my body relaxed into his. I felt his relax under mine and listened to his breathing go even.
When I thought he was asleep, that’s when I al owed myself to smile.
Therefore, my body gave a start when he asked, his voice husky. “We final y good?”
I pressed my body further into him and whispered,
“We’re good.”
Then I noticed his chest moving, shaking in a strange way. It took a few moments to realize he was silently laughing.
I came up to an elbow and looked down at him again.
“Are you laughing?” I asked, thinking maybe he’d gone temporarily insane with lack of sleep or something.
“Yeah,” he answered.
“Why?”
He did a mini-ab-crunch and twisted so he was on his elbow too, his face in my face, so close, it was the only thing I could see.
“I win,” he murmured and his words were ful of triumph and arrogance.
For a mil isecond, I considered giving his shin a good kick.
Instead, I rol ed my eyes and muttered, “Whatever.” At that, his arms shot around me, he dropped to his back, taking me with him, me mostly on top and he burst out laughing.
*
It was a long time later when I knew definitely without a doubt that Mace was asleep that I thought he was wrong. It was me who won.
*