Rock All Night

48




It happened pretty quickly.

First Derek said to me, “I liked those kids’ convertible last night. You want to get a convertible?”

“No,” I said loudly.

Derek ignored me. “I want a convertible. Show me the best convertible you’ve got on the lot,” he said.

The salesman – who, after he got over the worst of being star-struck, introduced himself as Tad – showed it to us.

It was absolutely gorgeous.

I about choked on the price tag, though: $78,000.

But Derek saw something else a few rows away, and walked over to check it out.

It was a beautiful little retro convertible with rounded lines and powder blue paint. Perfect condition.

“Oh yeah – sorry, I forgot about that one. 1969 Mercedes convertible,” the guy said. “We just got it yesterday – guy got divorced, had to sell it and get a cheaper car to pay off his lawyer. My heart broke for him when he gave me the keys, man.”

“I’ll take it,” Derek said.

“Don’t you want to know how much it is?” I asked, my mouth agape. There wasn’t even a ‘For Sale’ sign in the window yet.

“How much is it?” Derek asked.

“I think we’re listing it for $95,000,” the salesman said.

“I’ll take it.”

And just like that, we wound up in Tad’s office.

What followed was a comedy routine.

But as it turned out, the joke was on me.

“So, how did you want to pay for this?” Tad asked. “I could let you talk to our finance guy if you want.”

“Well, see, the thing is, I’ve got to be in San Diego for a show tonight, so I need to get out of here, like, an hour ago.”

The guy nodded sympathetically. “Uh huh, uh huh.”

“And it turns out I don’t have my bank card or anything on me right now.”

“Well, we could fill out the paperwork and run a credit check – which I’m sure would be excellent – ”

“Probably not. I don’t have any credit cards.”

I stared at Derek in disbelief.

He felt me staring at him and stared right back. “What? I told you, other people take care of all that.”

It was true: the rich really were different.

Especially the rock star rich.

“Could you just fill out all the paperwork and bill me later?” Derek asked.

“Ohhh,” Tad winced. He grit his teeth and made a sympathetic noise of sucking air into his mouth. “Oh, man, if it were up to me, I would totally front you the car, dude. But… I can’t. I’m so sorry, bro, but, see, the manager, he’s a real hardass – I need to run a credit check and file the paperwork and – ”

“I’m good for it, man, I just need to hit the road,” Derek explained impatiently.

Tad put his hands up like he was afraid he might have offended his hero. “Oh, hey, I wasn’t suggesting anything – I mean, you’re Derek Kane – of course you’re good for it! But, see, my manager – ”

Derek gave me a raised eyebrow. “See why I don’t like managers?”

“Because they reign in irresponsible behavior?” I asked sarcastically.

“Exactly,” Derek grinned, then turned back to the salesman. “Can I borrow your phone?”

“Sure!” Tad bubbled, and turned around the multi-line phone system on his desk so Derek could reach it.

“I thought you didn’t have Miles’s number,” I said as Derek punched out a number.

“I don’t,” he said, then put the call on speaker as it started to ring.

It took a few seconds, but finally a voice answered.

“Hello?”

Ryan.

I leaned my head against my hand. I felt a headache coming on.

“Hey, Ryan!” Derek called out.

Tad the salesman just about lost his mind. He bounced up and down in his chair like a five year-old on a sugar high and kept mouthing, Is that Ryan Miller?! Oh my god, you’re shitting me! Is that Ryan Miller?!

“Dude – what the hell happened to you?” Ryan asked.

“Life.”

“Is Kaitlyn with you? Because we can’t find – ”

“Hi Ryan,” I said meekly. “I’m okay.”

There was an awkward pause. Then –

“Uhhh… hi, Kaitlyn.”

I’m sure I was blushing scarlet. I was just thankful Ryan wasn’t there to see it.

“Miles is about to crap a brick,” Ryan continued.

“Tell him I’ll be there for the show tonight,” Derek said.

“I’m not sure that’ll be good enough. I’m pretty sure he wants a human sacrifice.”


“Remind him he works for us, not vice versa.”

“Derek – ”

“I said I’ll be there.”

“Yeah, I remember you saying that another time, too. This isn’t going to be a replay of the Cleveland incident, is it?”

I frowned and looked at Derek. “What’s the Cleveland – ”

“I SAID I’ll BE there,” Derek said testily. “Look, I need a favor.”

A loud sigh. “What is it? You need me to send somebody to pick you up?”

“No, no… but can you put something on your credit card for me?”

Ryan’s voice immediately became super-suspicious. “…what, exactly?”

“A car.”

He relaxed. “Oh, yeah, sure. Where are you – Hertz? Enterprise?”

“No, a dealership.”

There was a long pause.

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“Dude, you know I’ll pay you back – ”

“Why don’t you just RENT one?”

“That’s what I said!” I called out.

“Listen to Kaitlyn, sounds like she’s the only grown-up there – ”

“Uh, I’m a grown-up,” the salesman volunteered. Then, excitedly: “Hi, Ryan!”

“What? Who’s that?”

“That’s Tad. He’s going to sell me a 1969 Mercedes convertible.”

Stunned silence. Then –

“…what?!”

“It’s beautiful, man. You gotta see it,” Derek enthused.

“It really is beautiful,” Tad agreed.

“And how much IS this beautiful car, exactly?”

“Ninety-five,” Derek said.

“Ninety-five hundred? That’s not so – ”

“Thousand,” I spoke up. “Ninety-five thousand.”

There was a choking sound on the other end of the line.

Derek and Tad both just scowled at me like I was the big spoilsport of the party.

“Ninety-five thousand DOLLARS?”

“Dude, you have an American Express Black Card – you can totally put this on there,” Derek cajoled him.

“Derek – this is CRAZY – ”

“Come on, man.”

“Get something cheaper!”

“But I want THIS one.”

“Derek – ”

“Come on, you handle my money – just take it out of my account and pay yourself back.”

I frowned. “He handles your bank account?!”

“Derek – ”

“I’d hate to miss the show tonight,” Derek said nonchalantly.

There was a pause on the other end.

“You DICK,” Ryan said, though he didn’t sound quite as outraged as the bare-bones words might suggest.

“Just sayin’.”

“This is Cleveland all OVER again – ”

“Not if you help me out, it isn’t.”

Another sigh – this time, resigned. “If I do this for you, do you PROMISE me you’ll be at the show on time?”

“Yes. Uh… where’s the show?”

“This is NOT inspiring my confidence.”

“I’ve got to know where to go, don’t I? So where’s the f*ckin’ show?”

“Viejas Arena. San Diego State University.”

Derek looked at Tad. “Can you get me directions to that?”

Tad could not have been happier to help out. “Oh, yeah, for sure!”

“Okay. I’ll be there,” Derek reassured Ryan.

“I’m NOT messing around, Derek – ”

“I’ll BE there.”

“FINE. Uh… what’s the sales guy’s name again?”

“Hi Ryan! It’s Tad,” the salesman said cheerily.

“Mm,” Ryan muttered. “You take American Express, right, Tad?”

“Yes we do!”

Fifteen minutes later, we were on the road to San Diego in a powder-blue 1969 Mercedes convertible, fully paid for.

And I have it admit…

…it was pretty f*cking awesome.