“I know,” I said quietly.
“You gotta call Angie, tell her all that shit,” Joker advised.
“I will, tomorrow,” I promised.
“And you and her gotta come up with some way that’s gonna make it clear to him that whatever deal you strike about how you take care of your kid is it. Whatever he’s got in his head to do to try to best me, he’s gotta let it go.”
“I’ll mention that to Angie.”
I had hoped that would end it, but Joker kept at me.
“I know he was yours, you cared about him, you gave him years of your life, your hand, a kid, and I know he fucked you and you’re over it. But you gotta know, your ex was a massive dick in high school, and I’m thinkin’ maturity didn’t wean that outta him.”
“He was just—” I started, not in defense of Aaron, more in defense of why I’d put up with the way Aaron was.
“You weren’t around,” Joker interrupted me. “Lookin’ back, the real shit he pulled, the foul shit that was beyond the pale, Carrie, he pulled it only when you weren’t there to witness it. If you knew what that motherfucker was up to, you’d have gotten quit of him before you hit your sophomore year, and my guess is, he knew it.”
I didn’t like the sound of that.
“Like what?” I asked.
“Doesn’t matter,” Joker didn’t answer. “Hope the kids he pulled that crap on got over it. It was so brutal, they probably didn’t. But that’s not on you. Everyone knew you were cool. Everyone also knew he was not.”
“Did he… do anything to you?” I asked hesitantly.
“Tried,” Joker answered and I felt my body string tight. “Cornered me, but with bad timing. Had a neighbor, man’s still a friend, he drove up when they were settin’ up for their beatdown, your ex-motherfucker and five of his crew. Linus got outta his truck and shared some wisdom with them. He was an adult. He’s a big man. One look at him you know he can handle himself. And he’s got a way with words. The words he used made it clear, they fuck with me ever, they fuck with him, and the way he’d fuck back would be surprising.”
I was struggling with contradictory feelings of relief that Joker’s old neighbor had good timing and upset that Aaron and his friends had targeted Joker, so I didn’t get a reply in before Joker carried on.
“Wouldn’t have mattered if Linus hadn’t shown. I can take care of myself, and by that time had learned to take a beating.”
That didn’t make me feel any better.
Joker wasn’t quite finished.
“But other kids who didn’t have that, Neiland put the screws to ’em. There are bullies, and there are people like Neiland. He broke the mold of a bully. He was a tyrant. He was king of the school, liked his ass on that throne, and actively sought out ways to make sure no one would forget that was his place. He got off on admiration. He also got off on humiliation. Those he considered weak, he wanted them cowed. And he got that however he needed to get it with his crew of buddies who were nothing short of high school enforcers.”
“This is making me feel a little sick, Carson,” I told him the truth, my stomach beginning to roil with nausea.
He slid his hand up my back, to the side of my neck, the calluses catching on my skin, making it tingle in a way that was oddly soothing, probably because it was a part of him. Then he glided his fingers into my hair, and when he spoke again, his tone had gentled.
“Done now, baby, and I know I’m scarin’ you. It sucks I gotta do that. I can see you’re ready to fight, able to do it, got sass in you and fire, and you’re done with him. You make that clear. But I’m doin’ what I’m doin’ now ’cause I’m worried shit that’s been ugly is gonna get uglier. And you gotta toughen up, Carrie. ’Cause he doesn’t get what he wants and he doesn’t get the message this is a battle he should let go, he’s gonna come at you with all he’s got.”
“No,” I said softly. “He’s gonna come at you.”
That was the truth, and it made me feel worse.
“That, you don’t worry about,” Joker said.
“But,” my voice was pitched higher, “he’s got a lot of money and knows people in high—”
“You think anyone dicks with Chaos?”
I shut up because I had a feeling they didn’t. Or if they were stupid enough to try, they didn’t get very far.
I mean, all the guys were really nice to me because they were just plain really nice.
But still, each one of them was a little scary.
Including Joker.
“I’m Chaos. And, Butterfly, I claimed you, and you might not get this because we haven’t discussed it so I’ll make it clear now. Claimin’ you makes you Chaos too. The fight might get ugly, and you gotta be prepared for that. But the way you got your head sorted and the firepower you got at your back, you will never lose.”
“Ugh,” I muttered before shoving my face in the side of his neck, doing this because I had no reply. I knew he was right about the good but also about the bad.
I was glad I had him and his firepower, but I still wasn’t looking forward to whatever Aaron had up his sleeve.
Joker used his fingers in my hair to massage my scalp soothingly. Strangely, it did the trick. Even with all that we were discussing, just his fingers digging in firm but gentle were comforting.
So I relaxed against him.
“I might want to bronze that tire, but if I keep being a pain in your behind, you may wish it never existed,” I muttered against his skin.
“Look at me.”
My relaxed body instantly stiffened at the severity of his command.
It was not firm. It was beyond that. It was something I not only had never heard from him but I’d never heard at all.
It was meant to be obeyed.
Without question.
And I obeyed it.
Without question.
When he had my gaze through the shadows, his hand slid down, fingertips in my hair, palm to my ear, thumb digging into my cheekbone. It didn’t hurt, but it did convey a message.