Trip squeezed me a little tighter, knowing full well what I was talking about, the boogeyman in our midst finally being acknowledged. But he didn’t respond right away, so I continued. “Everyone’s going away soon. It’s like we’re not going to be us after that, you know? We’ll run into each other at homecoming games or reunions or bump into each other randomly in town, but we’ll never be us ever again, will we?”
Trip’s voice was calm, soothing beyond his eighteen years when he answered, “It’s called growing up, Lay.”
“I know, but God. It really sucks.”
I looked at him and saw the line drawn between his brows and the dimple working in his cheek-the look he wore when he was really thinking hard about something. “Yeah, it does. Is it harder for you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you’ve known all these people your whole life. I’ve only known them a year and it’s-” He swiped a hand through his hair before continuing. “-it’s so much harder this time, even for me, to think about leaving. It’s like, for all the cities I’ve lived in before, this is the first place that’s ever felt like home to me. And I didn’t even grow up here, with them, the way you have.”
I put a hand to his face and said, “I’ve only known you for a year... Do you really think it’s going to be any easier for me to say goodbye because I haven’t known you as long?”
He held me tighter and kissed the top of my head. “Okay, point taken. C’mere.” He slid down to lay on the couch, maneuvering me half on top of him.
We were silent for a moment, his hand moving in a caressing gesture along my back, trying to smooth our hurt away when he said, “You’re right. This sucks.”
I could feel him getting gloomy and realized this was why we never talked about it. I felt bad for bringing up our one, big, taboo subject and wished I could have stuffed the whole conversation back in my mouth.
“I’m sorry,” I offered. “I’m sorry for even bringing it up. We still have a few weeks left and I don’t want to spend them being sad, okay? Agreed?”
I turned to look up at him, just one split second before he was able to swipe the tear from his eye. Holy Jesus, I made him cry. My heart just about splintered in two when he tried to offer a wan smile to cover.
I felt helpless, guilty beyond belief for dragging him into my sorrow. I did the only thing I could think of, which was to grab him behind his neck and plant a kiss on him. Hard.
When I broke away, I realized I’d achieved my desired result, because Trip snapped out of his misery and looked at me like I was crazy. Well, at least he wasn’t sad anymore. I’d managed to replace despair with confusion. At least confusion wasn’t such a foreign emotion.
He sputtered out, “What the hell was that?”
I started laughing, trying to jolly us out of our sadness. “I don’t know. Want me to do it again so you can figure it out?”
The old Trip was back, sounding like he was ordering another Coke when he replied, “Yes, please!”
So I kissed him again. I slid myself fully on top of him, pressing my mouth to his, licking him along the part in his lips until they opened for me. I wasn’t normally the aggressor during our makeout sessions, but I could tell by the growing knot against my hip that Trip didn’t seem to mind.
Chapter 33
NECESSARY ROUGHNESS
On Cooper’s last night, Rymer had us all over at his house for a going away party, but we knew it was pretty much a final gathering for the rest of us, too.
Rymer’s was wholly the best location for the best possible sendoff for our friend. Walking out onto the deck made everything horribly real for the very first time, however. I realized we were actually going to have to start saying goodbye.
I spent a lot of time exchanging addresses with everyone, with promises to write whenever we could and call whenever we were going to be back in town. We knew it was the last official get-together, the last chance we’d all have to be assembled in the same room, the same town, at the same time. Such a previously casual occurrence, one which we’d taken for granted for the past four years. A pall hung over our evening, even though we all pretended to be having a great time. At least I knew I was pretending, anyway.
After a while, Coop announced he had an early morning and had to cut the evening short. Becca seemed sad, but I knew she wasn’t devastated. After all, her campus at Rutgers-Camden was only about a two hours’ drive from Coop’s university in Baltimore. She’d only have to wait a few weeks, once they were both settled in, to see him again.
Unlike the rest of us.
After he’d said his goodbyes to everyone, I walked with him out the front door, trying to carve out a private moment. I’d pretty much said my peace with everyone else, but Cooper actually walking out the door kind of made things official. I wasn’t ready to do it, to start the process of watching my friends leave me, one by one. And even worse, the chain of departures had to start with Cooper!