It was great to have a best friend that didn’t need to have the upper hand all the time. A lesser person could have used my blundering words to prolong the fight.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I want to apologize, too. It’s just that I know you weren’t trying to be hurtful when you said all that stuff to me the other day.”
“Well, at least you got that right.”
“But it did hurt, you know.”
“I know, I know. That’s why I’m sorry. I could have said things better.”
“Yeah, maybe you could have. But it wouldn’t have changed the fact that everything you said was true.”
Lis gave a big sigh on her end. “Look. What the hell do I know? Maybe you’re not wasting your time like I said. I was thinking about what you told me and maybe it’s not so horrible that you and Trip are just friends.”
Hearing his name out loud only compounded my humiliation.
“No. You were right. This thing between him and me is disturbing.”
“Yeah, but maybe you only started spending so much time with him because I’ve been a bad friend. Maybe you were only put in this weird position because Pickford and me have been up each other’s butts for the past two months.”
“He’s your boyfriend.”
“Yeah, but you’re my best friend.”
Lisa and I didn’t normally wear our hearts on our sleeves, mushing up and telling each other how important we were to one another. Aside from the half-pendants we used to wear in fifth grade-she was BEFRI and I was STENDS-there weren’t too many declarations of our BFF status. It wasn’t something we felt the need to reaffirm all the time. It was just who we were.
“I know. You’re mine, too.”
“Pick you up in about an hour?”
“Yep. Oh, and hey-Congratulations, Homecoming Queen!”
“Oh, sweet Jesus, if you ever call me that again, I will strangle you with my satin sash.”
By the time Lisa and I finally got off the phone, I had to rush to get myself ready for school, rallying my way through my morning ritual. I was really freaked out at the thought of having to see Trip. He’d officially left me hanging all weekend and I still hadn’t figured out why. My stomach was in knots as I stepped out my front door to wait for Lisa in the driveway.
The weather had turned colder overnight, depositing a layer of frost over every surface and blade of grass on that Monday morning. It was the time of year when most girls would wear a pair of sweatpants under their uniform skirt for the commute to school. I tried it once, but stripping the pants off upon arrival left me feeling naked the whole rest of the day. It was better to just deal with icy legs for the few minutes every morning, so as not to feel self-conscious all day long.
Frozen nerve-endings aside, I always loved that time of year, right before the season turns into winter. Summer is always the best by far, but late Fall always runs a close second. I love the smell of the cold-crisp and brisk and smoky-crunchy, wet leaves under my feet and the scent of a wood-burning fireplace in the air. I loved the promise of wool sweaters, leather boots and corduroy jackets, knit scarves and fur-lined gloves. I loved seeing my breath as I talked and writing on frosty windows with my finger.
It’s awesome to live in a place where the seasons change. Sure, a year-round warm climate might seem like a blessing at first, but after a winter or two floating around a pool, doesn’t all that green just eventually become downright boring? I couldn’t imagine looking up at Norman Hills that time of year and still seeing all the trees dressed in their summer greens. It would be a crime to miss out on such a fireworks show, oranges and yellows and the occasional red, splashing across the Earth in one last magnificent blaze of glory before succumbing to the inevitable, albeit temporary, Brown Blah.
By the time I made it to Lisa’s car, I was feeling pretty nervous and pissy about having to see Trip, because I still didn’t quite know how I was going to act toward him. I relayed all that to Lisa, after filling her in with a few of the highlights from Saturday night.
“Wait. So he just came over after the dance? Just showed up at your window?”
“Well, yeah.” Lisa didn’t realize that that wasn’t so out of the ordinary. He came by all the time. We hung out a lot. And we talked on the phone all the time.
Well, almost all the time.
“But why is it such a big deal that he didn’t call you after? You didn’t... you know...”
“Nope. Well, it’s not like we weren’t headed in that direction. He just... never made it inside the house is all.”
“But you think he wanted to?”
That was the part that had me so confused. How was I supposed to describe not just what he said, but the way he said it? How was I supposed to describe the look in his eyes? The hope that I saw there? I thought he’d said all those awesome things in the expectation that it would ultimately lead us together, but then he just left me hanging all weekend waiting for confirmation which never came.