I’d blown it, though. I’d forgotten the depth of my own weakness, and it’s never safe to think that you’re stronger than you are.
My thoughts have propelled me through the mall back to the escalator. I take it down to my parking level and climb back in my car. I feel better even if I don’t feel whole. But it’s good that I’ve made the decision about Stark. I will see him, and I will apologize. But not yet. A few days. Maybe a week. I need time to get centered again. Time to grow strong.
Because Damien Stark is like crack to me. Seductive and very, very addictive.
13
Jamie’s car is parked in her spot when I get back to the apartment, and I’m glad. With luck, she won’t have plans for the evening. It’s Saturday, and on the drive over the hill I decided that we should do the whole best friends hanging out thing. Maybe a hike in the hills above Studio City, then hit the showers, get dressed up, and do dinner and drinks in some trendy Los Angeles hot spot. After all, I’m still new in town. Los Angeles and I are still in the honeymoon phase.
I’m not overtly planning on telling her the details of my day, but I know that after a few glasses of wine I’ll probably reveal all. The thought cheers me, actually. I’ve had my few hours to brood. Now I want to dish with my best friend and let her remind me that as screwed up as I might be, I’m not the biggest head case in the world. That’s Jamie’s special talent. No matter how many knots I twist myself into, she’s the one who can unravel me. She and Ollie. I suppose that’s why they’re my best friends.
I circle the building, then take the stairs two at a time to 3G, our unit.
The door’s unlocked, and I throw it open and stomp inside. “Dammit, Jamie, why not just post a sign on the door inviting every whack job in the city to waltz right in and—oh.”
She’s home, all right. Sitting on the couch, the television blaring out an old episode of Jeopardy! And sitting right next to her is Damien Stark.
At least he was sitting when I first burst through the door. Now he’s standing and moving toward me. Jamie shifts position, pulling her feet up onto the couch and raising herself up so that I can’t help but see her face over Damien’s approaching form.
OMG, she mouths. He is so fucking hot.
Yes, he is.
He’s still wearing jeans, but the sport coat and button-down shirt are gone, replaced with a simple white T-shirt that accentuates his broad shoulders and strong, tanned arms. I imagine those arms holding a racquet. Then I imagine them holding me.
Then I clear my throat.
Damien grins, and although I know he’s barely thirty, this is the first time he’s looked so young. Almost boyish, like a guy you’d hold hands with as you walk across a college campus. I catch the scent of him as he comes closer. A musky cologne. Or maybe that’s just the man. I’m not sure. All I know for certain is that I’m desperately aware of him. Desperately aware of my own body. His scent, apparently, works on me like pheromones.
“You’re here,” I say stupidly.
“I’m here,” he says.
“Right.” I look around the condo that has become so familiar to me over the last few days. Right then, it looks like alien territory. I set my bag down on the ground, then ease myself off to the galley-style kitchen. With the wall separating the kitchen from the living room, I’ll have a moment of privacy to gather myself.
Except he follows me, then leans up against the refrigerator. I turn away from him toward the sink, but I can feel his eyes on me as I grab a glass from the dish drainer and fill it with water. “So, how come you’re here?” I ask brightly, then chug the whole thing down. Only after I’ve refilled the glass do I turn to look directly at Damien.
His eyes are locked onto me, holding me in place. “I wanted to see you,” he says. From his expression, though, I know what he’s really saying: I wanted to see if you’re okay.
I smile, understanding that his discretion means he hasn’t told Jamie what happened. “I’m good,” I say. “I went shopping.”