Reclaim My Heart

chapter TWENTY

Tall trees, lush with green summer foliage, shaded the trail and cooled the air. Loose gravel littered the hard-packed dirt path and made walking a little treacherous. A stone became lodged between the sole of her sandal and the bottom of her foot. She skipped a step and then wobbled on one foot while she worked it loose.

“I’m sorry.” Lucas offered some balance with a firm hand on her elbow. “I should have suggested you wear sturdier shoes.”

“It’s fine,” she assured him. The breathlessness in her voice had her directing her gaze at the ground where the reddish earth of the trail collided with thick, mossy underbrush. She’d had an inkling where they were headed, and excitement skittered along her nerves like static electricity as she wondered if he remembered the significance of these woods, this place. She suspected he did because he’d been acting peculiar since returning from Jasper’s earlier this morning.

Conversation had been animated over the breakfast she’d made of Creole omelets and warm apple-citrus compote. He’d thanked her, over and over, complimented her cooking several times too, and engaged Zach almost non-stop throughout the meal. She’d sensed that Lucas’s spirited mood was covering some sort of anxiety, and that had left her quite curious.

Her interest had only increased when he’d waited until Zach had left to visit friends to invite her to go for a drive. Clearly, he wanted to be alone with her.

He’d driven through Oak Mills and then he’d turned south along the river. Easy conversation filled the twenty minute trip. They’d talked about Zach and the radical change he’d made during his stay at Wikweko. They’d discussed what to expect when Zach faced the judge in just ten short days. He’d told her about his visit with Jasper, and about his uncle’s exciting new commission. He’d also explained his realization of how his overwhelming need to succeed in his career had compelled him to downplay his ethnicity and that hmy orciting ne now knew that, in doing so, he had betrayed his Lenape heritage. When he’d told her he’d decided to change that, his spine had been straight, his shoulders square.

When he’d steered the car onto the grounds of the state park, a shiver raced across Tyne’s skin. She hadn’t been here for…‌oh, Lord, so many years it was scary.

“Do you remember this place?” he asked her just as they broke through the trees.

She smiled, hugging herself. “Are you kidding me?” The high bluff offered a magnificent view of the Susquehanna. Good thing she wasn’t afraid of heights. “I could never forget.”

With a gentle hand at the small of her back, he guided her toward a nearby boulder, the same large chunk of granite they had perched on when he’d asked her to go steady with him back in high school. Although she had tried everything—painting the ring with clear nail polish, gluing felt to its inside surface—she hadn’t been able to wear the plain metal band he’d given her that day. She’d been crushed, but she’d blithely shrugged it off in an effort to alleviate his embarrassment.

“I still have it.” She looked up at him standing there. “The ring you gave me, I mean. It’s in my jewelry box.”

“Don’t know why,” he groused. “Damn thing turned your finger three shades of green. Made you look like your skin was rotten.”

But she could tell he was pleased that she had kept the token of their affection.

“I brought you here—” he settled himself next to her “—so we could be alone. I want to talk to you. About some…‌things. Several things, really. And first, I, um, I’d like to talk about Zach.”

“We talked about Zach in the car.”

He nodded and looked away. “Yeah. Yeah, we did.”

“Lucas, you’re making me nervous. What’s this all about?”

A tiny frown drew his brows together, darkened his gaze. “I don’t know how you’re going to feel about this. But, well, I might as well go ahead and say it.” He inhaled deeply. “I’d like for Zach to use my name. He’s my son, which makes him a Silver Hawk. I’d like him to be able to call himself that.”

Tyne’s eyebrows arched, Lucas’s request utterly blindsiding her.

“Zach’s found a connection in Wikweko,” Lucas hurried to say. “I think having a name to go along with that connection is important. He’s Indian. He’s Lenape. He should have a Lenape name. He should have my name.”

A stab of annoyance shot through her. “Zach is my son too, Lucas. He’s half white, remember.”

He immediately looked contrite. “I know, Tyne. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…‌I’m really sorry.”

Pressing the heels of her hands on either side of her, she scooted to make some space between them.

“Tyne, don’t do that. Don’t move away from me.” He took her hand, flattened it between both of his. “Don’t be angry. I was only thinking of Zach. He’s made great strides. He seems to have found his place here. He’s made a bond. He’s made friends who understand him. Who appreciate how he feels and what he’s experienced.”

She couldn’t deny that everything he said was true. Her son seemed happier, more content, more at ease, here than he ever had in Philadelphia. He and Jasper had developed a wonderful relationship. This place, these people, seemed to bring out the best in him.

“Of course,” he told her, “I understand that we can’t make definitive decisions when we’ve been here less than three weeks. But you’ve said yourself that Zach has truly changed.”

The river below rolled by at a lazy pace. She sighed, and then turned to look at Lucas. “Your son would be absolutely thrilled to use your name. You know ite. d. as well as I do.” For some ungodly reason, tears blurred her vision. “That child—” She stopped suddenly, repressing a wave of solid emotion. “He’s not a child. I know that. But I can’t help thinking of him that way.” She swiped at the tear that slid from the corner of her eye. “He’s been looking for a father all his life. I was able give him a lot of things. But I couldn’t give him what he wanted, what he needed, most.”

Lucas squeezed her fingers. “Tyne, you have to stop this. You gave our son everything you had to give. There’s no reason for you to feel guilty.”

Another tear slipped down her cheek as past regrets tore at her heart. “I kept the two of you apart. I didn’t tell you about him, Lucas. Our child is fifteen years old, and—

“I knew, Tyne.”

Surely she hadn’t heard him correctly. But the categorical quality of his tone made it almost too clear. Her fingertips felt chilled when she pulled them from his grasp. “What do you mean, you knew?” She searched his face, not really expecting an answer to the unnecessary question. But when he didn’t respond, she pressed, “You knew I had Zach?”

“I knew you were pregnant.”

He reached for her, but she drew away.

“Tyne, I was told you were pregnant, but I was also told you were getting rid of the baby.”

“Who told you that? No one else knew. No one who would dare tell, anyway. When were you told? Before I left Oak Mills?”

He scrubbed at his forehead, raked his fingers through his hair. “Let me explain.” His exhalation was rough. “There’s a hell of a lot to explain.”

“I’m listening.”

He looked out over the bluff. “I’m not sure where to begin.” Then he turned to face her. “When you stopped talking to me, stopped taking my calls, I went nuts. We hadn’t fought. You seemed a little distracted that last weekend we were together, but I thought everything was fine. I got annoyed when I didn’t hear from you and it seemed you were avoiding my calls. I imagined you out partying with your college friends, and I decided to leave it alone. Give you some time. But after a couple of weeks I couldn’t stand it and called you again. Your roommate told me you’d moved out of the dorm. That she hadn’t seen you. She didn’t know if you’d moved off campus or what. I tried to ask her more questions, but she blew me off. I didn’t know what had happened, but I knew something was wrong.”

He was looking at her, but she had the distinct feeling he wasn’t seeing her.

“I called your house and got nothing but the runaround from your mother. At first, she claimed you weren’t home. On the third call, she admitted you were home, but that you couldn’t talk. Then after half a dozen calls, she started saying you refused to talk to me.” He lifted one hand, palm up. “Tyne, I didn’t know what was going on. All I knew was that I had to see you. I went to your house and had words with your mother. She said you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. That I should go away. And stay away. That I should stop trying to see you. I got so angry. I brushed past her. Started searching the house. Calling your name. I was…” He shook his head, exhaled in frustration. “Desperate. And scared.”

Of course, Tyne hadn’t been aware that he’d called, or that he’d come to the house. She’d suspected he would. Would have been stupid to think he wouldn’t. They’d been serious for three years. But she figured that one firm lecture from her father would have Lucas running. She’d also been certain that once Lucas had learned she’d dropped out of college, that she’d left town, he’d leave things alone.

“Your mother picked up the phone. Threatened to call the police.” The hand resting on his thigh tensed into a fist. “Stillfis’d le, I refused to leave until I had a chance to talk to you. That’s when she finally admitted that you’d left Oak Mills. She wouldn’t tell me where you’d gone, but she did say that you wouldn’t be back any time soon. Then she told me you’d made some decisions. That you’d come to your senses. That you wanted nothing more to do with an Indian. That I should forget about you and get on with my life. She said that’s what you wanted me to do.”

Tyne slid her palms over her upper arms and squeezed tight. She’d never imagined her mother would be out and out cruel. But that had probably been the only way to make Lucas resign himself to the fact that their relationship was over. Tyne couldn’t blame her mother entirely, not when she’d done exactly what Tyne had wanted. Oh, she hadn’t meant to hurt Lucas. But she had thought it best for him to forget about her and to act as if they’d never been together.

“So I went away,” Lucas said. “But it wasn’t over. I went to see your father. At least half a dozen times, maybe more. He visited Jasper to see if he could get me to stop hounding him. Then your father called me to his office. I thought I was finally going to get some answers.” He slid his hand down his thigh and cupped his knee.

“That’s when he told me. That you were pregnant.”

Tyne sucked in a sharp breath.

“I guess he knew I wouldn’t stop, wouldn’t let up,” he said, “until I knew the truth. He said you’d decided to give the baby up for adoption. That you’d already met the parents. That this is what you decided to do, what you wanted to do, and if I caused any problems, I would only be hurting you.”

Strain pulled at Lucas’s face. Never would she have guessed that her father would tell Lucas about the baby, about the adoption. Her father had fought her so hard, had pushed her and prodded her to have an abortion. On the day she’d left the house, he’d been so furious that he hadn’t spoken to her.

“That alone would have been enough,” he told her, “to get me to stop asking questions. To leave you alone. If that’s what you wanted, I wouldn’t have gone against your wishes. I’d have walked out and never looked back. I think I would have, anyway. Who the hell knows what I would have done?” He tilted his head, scanned the expanse of the Susquehanna, then looked back at her. “Then your father sweetened the pot. Told me if I stopped trying to contact you, if I left all of you alone, he’d see that my tuition was paid. Four years at Temple.” Again, he gazed out toward the horizon. “A college degree sitting there on that desk in a fat, manila envelope.”

Even though sunshine dappled through the leaves overhead, Tyne felt chilled to the bone as she listened to Lucas talk.

“So you gave up your son for the price of tuition.”

She couldn’t have punished him more had she slapped him hard across the face.

“But…‌Tyne…‌you have to understand…‌I was told…” His voice drifted, whatever words he’d wanted to say evidently lost in stormy agitation.

The sigh she heaved came up from the depths of her soul. “I’m sorry, Lucas. I had no right to say that. Everything you were told was the truth. I’ve already shared my nightmare with you. I nearly aborted our son. I nearly gave him away. I have no right to condemn the decisions you made back then. No right whatsoever.”

Neither of them spoke for several minutes. Birds chirped in the treetops, a chipmunk scrabbled across the path behind them.

“I was surprised,” Lucas said, “when I realized you thought I didn’t know. And then I had a devil of a time trying to tell you. What I did, the decision I made—picking up that money and walking out of that office—makes me look like such a…‌callous shit.”

She uncrosse">Sd to Lucasd her arms, stretched out her hand and touched him on the forearm. “Don’t say that. You look no worse than I do for the awful things I considered.”

“Yes, with ‘considered’ being the operative word. You ended up doing the right thing. And that’s what matters most.”

“What is this?” she asked, a grin quirking one corner of her mouth. “A competition?”

He only looked at her, not a hint of humor on his face. “Why didn’t you tell me, Tyne?”

It had been the most difficult decision of her life. “The last time I saw you, you were so excited. You said you’d finally saved enough money for your first year of college. You’d have to live at home, you’d said, you’d have to commute, and you’d have to continue to work, but you were so happy. I didn’t actually know I was pregnant then. My period was late and I was worried, but I didn’t want to spoil our weekend. I loved you so much, Lucas.” She shifted on the rock. “After I was sure…‌I was absolutely sick. I was going to ruin everything for you. I felt I would be a burden. Just at a time when you seemed to be getting yourself on track.”

After a moment she groaned, swiping her hair back over her shoulder. “Lucas, what did we do? Could we have twisted our lives into a more tangled knot?”

His silence drew her attention, and she swiveled her head to look at him.

“I think,” he murmured, “the question should be, can we untangle it?”

Her smile was soft and sincere. “We’re working on it.”

“Yeah.” He nodded, capturing her hand in both of his and sliding his fingers up her bare arm. “We are working on it, aren’t we?”

There was a measuring in his eyes that made her heart flutter.

“Tyne, I know you wanted to wait. You wanted us to get to know one another again. But I don’t need more time. When I’m with you—” awe intensified his dark eyes as he shook his head “—I feel as if no time has passed at all. I know you, Tyne. I love you.”

Her breath caught, held.

“I know what’s in my heart,” he said. “Just as surely as I know my own name.”

With all he’d come to realize over these past days of their living together in his small ranch house, she understood the depth of meaning in his statement. She trusted him, believed that he meant what he said, and she’d like nothing more than to reveal her feelings for him, as well. But a strong maternal instinct held her back.

She glanced away. “Lucas, I’m worried. This is moving too fast. We have Zach to think of. If we try and fail…” The rest of her thought faded when she saw the firm set of Lucas’s jaw.

“We’re not going to fail. Not again. It just won’t happen.”

“What about my parents?” she asked. “From the looks of it, they haven’t changed much. But, Lucas, I can’t shut them out of my life anymore. As imperfect as they may be, they’re still my parents. I love them.”

“I know you do. I can live with that. I can’t sit here and tell you that I’ll ever feel about them the way you do, or that I’ll be rushing over there every Sunday for a family meal. But I can tell you I’ll do my best to respect your love for them. And I’ll always appreciate them purely for who they are. Shutting them out of our lives would be a mistake.”

She didn’t miss his choice of pronouns.

“We’ve already made all the mistakes, all the bad decisions, we’re going to make.” His thumb smoothed hot, tiny circles on the back of her hand. “In fact, I say we make a pact right now. We promise not to make any decisions without talking things out, you and I. What do you say?”

Tyne studied his gorgeous face, his warm, intense eyes, her heart filling with so much haith>“Weppiness she felt it might split in two. She pressed her palm to the side of his neck, slid it up to his jaw. Then she leaned in and kissed him softly before whispering against his mouth, “I promise.”

“Ah,” he said, “you’ve done it again, Amëwë. Got me right in the heart.”

Her eyes went round. “You remember?”

He slid his arms around her and pulled him up tight against him. “Like I could ever forget.”

• • •



“All rise,” the bailiff announced.

Everyone, Tyne, Zach, Lucas, and the Assistant State’s Attorney, stood as Judge Taylor entered the small courtroom and seated himself. The uniformed officer called the room to order, declared that court was now in session and ordered all of them to sit.

“Folks, because we’re running behind today,” Judge Taylor said, studying the file in front of him, “I’d like to get right down to business. So, Mr. Zachary Whitlock, tell me what’s been happening.”

Zach slid out his chair and stood. Tyne gave him an encouraging smile.

“Well, Your Honor, ah, Judge, ah, Sir,” Zach stammered. He stopped talking, turning bright red in the face.

The judge leaned forward. “It’s okay. Any of those will work.” Without cracking a smile, he added, “But we don’t need all three at once, understood?”

“Yes, sir, Your Honor.” Her son’s eyes widened and he clamped his mouth shut, his cheeks and neck flaming to crimson.

“Relax, son,” Judge Taylor told him. “Now, tell me what’s been going on in your life for the past month. I see from your file that you succeeded in keeping your nose clean, so that’s good.”

“My dad took me to his hometown—Wikweko.”

“Ah, yes.” He peered over top of his reading glasses. “I remember now. And your mother? Did she go along?”

“She did, sir. And I met my family. My dad’s uncle. He’s Lenape. And my mom’s parents. My granddad is the mayor of Oak Mills.”

“Meeting family is good. What’d you spend your time doing?”

“My dad taught me to shoot a bow. And I went camping. My uncle taught me to build a shelter and start a fire to cook the fish we caught. I learned about edible plants. I played the water drum during a pow-wow. I heard all about my Lenape history. I whittled a bird out of pine wood.”

Zach continued his litany of activities until Tyne could see the judge was fighting the desire to glance at his wristwatch.

Finally, her son said, “I learned a lot of things, sir. But the best thing I learned, I think, is that I’m responsible for me.”

Judge Taylor perked up.

“I told you before,” Zach continued, “that I didn’t know those guys I was with the night I got into trouble. And I wasn’t lyin’ to you, sir. I didn’t know them. But when I said it, I have to admit that I was trying to, like, blame them. ’Cause I was scared, and all I wanted was to get out of trouble. But I learned that what happened to me was my fault.”

Her son had the judge’s full attention now, and anxiety squeezed Tyne’s stomach until she felt nauseated.

“I learned from my Uncle Jasper that I should never jeopardize my integrity. That my choices matter.” Zach glanced at Tyne, and then at Lucas. “I learned the same thing from my parents. I figured out that they made some bad choices when they were young.”

Lucas turned questioning eyes on Tyne, and she arched her brows and lifted her shoulders the tiniest fraction.

“They made choices that they regret. And it helped me realize that my uncle was right.” Zach rested hiZacftes fingertips on the tabletop. “I’ve decided that I don’t want to get old like them and regret the choices I made while I was a kid.”

Lucas looked pained, his dark eyes glittering, his lips twitching, as he looked over at Tyne and mouthed, “Old?” Her cheeks puffed and she clamped her hand over her mouth. The last thing she wanted to do was laugh. Not at a moment like this. When Zach was trying his damnedest to do a good job of explaining himself to the judge. She faced forward and studied the overly-stiff collar on the bailiff’s olive uniform shirt.

“So I’m going to be careful,” Zach said, “about what I say and do, and who I hang with. ’Cause like my Uncle Jasper says, when it comes right down to it, all a man has is his reputation. If he ruins that, he’s got nothing.”

Judge Taylor gazed at Zach for a few drawn-out seconds, nodding. “Excellent.”

Something in the man’s voice made Tyne look his way. An awkward smile cracked a fissure across his marble-like features.

Then the judge murmured, “Wonder if this Uncle Jasper of yours would mind if I sent a few dozen young people his way.” He picked up the forms and typed pages that made up Zach’s file and tapped them smartly on his desk. “I’m satisfied by what I’ve heard.” He directed his attention to the prosecutor. “Is the State satisfied?”

“Yes, Your Honor,” the woman said.

Judge Taylor nodded. “I’m going to file your case on the stet docket. What that means, Zachary, is that if you keep out of trouble for a full year, then these charges will be automaticall





y dropped and expunged from your record. If you get yourself arrested, however, you’ll face whatever charges you’re up against plus these charges. Is that clear?”

“Yes. Sir.” Zach let his hands fall to his sides. “I understand.”

The black-robed man closed the manila file and handed it to the clerk. “I’m feeling good about this one. I don’t think I’ll be seeing you again, Zachary, so you have a good life. That’s all.” He rapped the gavel.

On their way out of the courthouse, Lucas slid his hand in Tyne’s. They paused just outside the door and watched their son descend the concrete steps.

“Damn,” Lucas whispered. “Would you look at him? His head is high, his shoulders are square.” He looked at Tyne. “This feels good.”

She smiled. “It does, doesn’t it? He did a good job in there.” Nothing in the world could beat being proud of her son. Well, almost nothing. Being able to share that proud-parent feeling with Lucas was pretty damn great too.