My feelings still swirling, I countered with, “I don’t know. Did you kiss her back?”
Kellan’s mouth dropped open, and I saw the struggle in his eyes. He could lie as seamlessly as he could sing. I’d seen him do it. It was one of the many issues that had held back our relationship for so long. It’s hard to trust someone who was so comfortable being duplicitous. But I had absolutely no room to talk on the matter, so I tried really hard to never use that fact against him. We were both capable of horrible things. Which is why honesty was so important to us now.
Mouth in a firm line, he told me, “Just for a micro-second.” As my eyes misted, he started rambling. “I’m drunk, she caught me off guard. It was instinct. I moved my lips once, just a tiny fraction of an inch, but I didn’t do it again. I pushed her away when I realized what was happening, but the lights had already blacked out by that point.” He tossed his hands up. “Griffin’s gotten more action out of me, but I have to say yes to be honest with you.”
I wanted to be angry at him, I really did, but I understood him too well, and I was actually sort of proud of him for telling me a painful truth when a white lie would have been so much easier. Sniffling, because it did hurt a little bit, I slung my arms around his neck and pulled him tight.
“It’s okay,” I murmured in his ear, “I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at her.”
His body relaxed against mine. “So am I.”
Chapter 17
Proof
I had no idea how long I’d been on the road at this point, but I was getting used to the constant traveling. Sleeping had been difficult at first; the motion of the bus kept waking me up, especially when it turned or slowed down. But now I barely noticed it. The bus could probably slam to a stop, dumping me to the floor, and I wouldn’t wake up. Well, okay, that might wake me up.
As was typical most times I opened my eyes, the bus was moving. It took a while to tear down Sienna’s shows—they were much more theatrical than Justin’s small tour had been—so the busses usually started their journey to the next venue late at night or early in the morning. Some of the stars and members of the crew utilized the hotel rooms provided to sleep for a few hours, but Kellan and I liked our private room on the bus, so we stayed if we could.
As I looked over at the world rushing past the wide window on the far side of the bus, I noticed that it was early in the morning; a rosy glow was still in the sky. Kellan’s toy muscle car that I’d given him last Christmas was perched on the ledge, gently rolling back and forth with the rocking movement of the bus. As was also typical first thing in the morning, I was alone in our bed. Kellan was on the floor of the bus, doing pushups. It was something he routinely did when he first woke up—pushups and sit-ups. He said it was to keep his body conditioned, but I think it helped clear his mind too; Kellan didn’t always sleep well. I was usually asleep while he was exercising, but occasionally I’d hear him, wake up, and secretly watch him while I dozed on and off. I usually had some pretty fantastic dreams in that half-awake state.
Peeking over the edge of the bed, my smile was unstoppable as I mentally traced the lines of his bare back. Kellan’s arms were shaking as he fluidly moved up and down. I wondered how long he’d been working out while I slept. He really pushed himself sometimes, almost like he was punishing himself.
I hoped his fervor this morning had nothing to do with Sienna. She hadn’t kissed him again on stage, but the fan photos of that moment were everywhere. True love sealed in a kiss, was the tagline often used with it. The gossip magazines were having a field day with Kellan and Sienna now touring together. I’d seen more stories about how they “couldn’t stay away from each other” than I cared to count. Headlines like, “Kellan Kyle Ditches Tour with Avoiding Redemption to Rush to His Lover’s Side” were all too common. Everyone was enamored with the fact that, regardless of his abject denial of their relationship, Kellan seemingly couldn’t stay away from Sienna.
Wondering if Kellan was all right this morning, I whispered, “You okay?”
He paused an inch from the floor and looked up at me. Then his arms gave out and he crashed to the ground. Laughing a little, he mumbled, “Yeah, I’m good.” Standing up, he swung out his arms; his muscles flexed and released as he stretched them out. “I just missed feeling sore, so I was doing a few extra today. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
My eyes drifted down to his signature black boxers. “You didn’t. I was ready to get up.”
Lifting up the covers, Kellan crawled back into bed with me. His skin was warm from working out; slightly moist, but not yet tacky. I cringed back from him anyway. “You’re sweaty.”