“All the way?” I laughed. “It’s just a few miles. You act like 116 is a fortress.” I joked about the stretch of road that separates our campus from those of Amherst College, UMass, and Hampshire College.
“It ought to be.” She rolled her eyes. Tosha was a snob, but I loved her anyway. She was irritated that Mount Holyoke wasn’t exclusively women, as it had been in the past, and really wished that it could be an island all its own. “Let’s go, though, their pizza is too good to turn down—even if we have to slum it with ZooMass.”
I laughed and kicked her as we left the bookstore.
Twenty minutes later we were sitting at the bar in the window of Antonio’s. The place is tiny, and usually standing-room only, but damn they make good pizza.
“Fluid Mechanics?” Tosha scoffed as she drank her soda.
I looked around. “What the hell?”
“That pretty face down there with the UMass t-shirt.” She nodded to the benches just across the sidewalk and down a bit. “He’s reading a fluid mechanics book . . . outside in the sun . . .”
I looked up, and there he was. He was pretty. Too pretty, almost. His skin was bronzed, but it looked natural, like he’d be dark even in the winter time. His black hair was longer than I cared for, but it was tucked just behind his ears and hidden under a Redskins hat.
“What’s your point, Tosh?” I chuckled, trying not to stare as he thumbed through the book with concentration searing across his face.
“He’s totally checking you out, Nat.” Tosha slid off her stool and threw her paper plate away. I followed.
I whispered as we walked out of Antonio’s “He wasnot checking me out. Now, shut up so he doesn’t hear us.”
“Whatever, I’m going to grab a coffee, want one?”
“No, caffeine-a-holic, I’ll get some vitamin D while you fund Starbucks,” I laughed and took a seat on the bench next to the boy she’d been staring at. The line was long and I knew Tosha would wait, no mater the length. I needed to get comfortable.
People passed by like they were on a conveyor belt as I checked out what would be my new surroundings come fall. North Pleasant Street in Amherst was not foreign to me; it held some of the best bars and restaurants in the area. I breathed in the smells of fresh-baked popovers from Judie’s restaurant right across from me as I turned my head to the right—where I found “fluid mechanics boy” watching me.
You know that split second? The one where you decide if you’re going to just smile and continue looking around, or chance an encounter with a stranger? It’s a dangerous moment. It changes absolutely everything.
*
“Come on, Natalie. Let’s not do this again.” Eric pulls me back to the present.
I roll my eyes and walk to the bathroom. He doesn’t try to follow me; he learned early on I lock doors behind me. Plus, the boys are sleeping and he won’t want to wake them . . . being that he’s “Father of the Year” and all.
Reaching under the bathroom sink, I locate the peroxide and alcohol and run them over the razor I used earlier. There’s no need to risk infection; I’ve been there, and it’s just a sure-fire way to get caught. I can’t cut somewhere new this time because the “cat scratches” are already on Eric’s radar. I stare at the marks from earlier and decide that reopening them is the easiest route to go; the easiest way to be mad at him without screaming and starting a blow-out. I’m sick of yelling. Sick of fighting. Sick of crying.
Just a little. Just one more time
Acknowledgements
Scott- Thank you for taking over extra household duties, including our monster children, so I could write this. Your support means a lot.
Michelle Pace—Thank you for spying my original outline and being on board with me even when the story looked a lot different than it does now. Hours-long phone calls about motivations, “are they going to hate me?” and “no, really, are they going to hate me?” helped me get through this in one piece. You’re more than a beta reader; you’re my person.
Maggi Myers and Melissa Brown-Pretty Little Writers. I love navigating this crazy new world and am thrilled to have you ladies on either side of me. Geography means nothing as far as our friendship is concerned. Thank you for the Skype sessions, responding to panicked text messages, and making me smile. I love you both.
Charles Sheehan-Miles- While I’m honored that you came on as a last-minute beta reader, I’m even more honored to call you a friend. Thank you for taking the time to hash things out with me and always pushing me to be better. I look forward to working with you for a long time.
Lori Sabin-Glorious editor, fabulous friend. Thank you for your time and care with this novel.
Sarah Hansen-This cover is more than I dreamed it could be. Thank you for being a rockstar.
Erica Ritchie-I’m so grateful you took the time and care to produce the amazing photo shoot that lead to this cover. It’s breathtaking.
Valerie Laramee-Thank you for the impromptu New Year’s Day photo shoot so my author picture could be from something other than a cell phone. Even if it was nine degrees outside.