“But Spen -”
“Go. I’ll call you.” He says it so dismissively I wonder how she could possibly believe him. But, she seems to. She turns on her heels, looking back once to eye me up and down, and leaves.
“I’m sorry about that,” I say as I close the door and reach for my coffee.
“Don’t be. She has issues.” He walks to the kitchen and pours himself a cup of coffee.
Standing in the doorway, I watch the muscles in his back flex underneath that sexy tattoo as he moves around the kitchen. I look for signs that he doesn’t regret last night. His apparent unwillingness to make eye contact isn’t reassuring.
“I’m sorry about last night.” He finally speaks as he sits at the table.
My eyebrows pull together as I sit across from him. “I’m not.”
“I meant the lack of protection. You’re not on the pill, right?” He’s watching the creamer swirl through his coffee.
“Oh, that. It’s fine.” I sigh, thankful he doesn’t appear to regret having sex—just not wearing a condom.
“It was really disrespectful, and I could have gotten you-”
“Look, it’s OK,” my cheeks catch fire, “my cycle’s normal. We’re in the okay zone, it’s fine.” The thought of possible pregnancy was far from my mind last night.
Bo sets his mug down and stares through my eyes—through my soul.
“Ember, it’s not ...”
“Bo, really ...” I shrug and we sit in uncomfortable silence for several minutes, drinking our coffee as darkness swirls between us.
Reaching across the table, I grab his hand. Tight. He stares at our knuckles, rubbing his thumb over mine for a while, before looking at me again.
“When did you two break up?” Bo brings up Adrian of all things.
“Um, the day after Josh and Monica’s engagement party.”
He pulls his hand away from mine and grips his mug with both hands. “Why?”
I watch him slide away from the table and head to the sink. I don’t think I like where this conversation is headed.
“We shouldn’t be together, Adrian and me. He knows you kissed me after the concert, I know I’m not myself when I’m with him...obviously.” I tug at my jeans, half-blaming Adrian for their loosened state.
Bo stares at me for a while. The silence is killing me.
“I think you should go.” I’ve heard this tone before. I used it on him in Room 323 at The Centennial.
“What? Why?” Tears sting my eyes. “If this is about what happened with Ainsley, I’m sorry.”
Bo takes both of our mugs and sets them in the sink before turning around, gripping the counter as he leans his back against it.
“I love you, November. I want to be with you. But, not like this. I’ve got a long road ahead of me—”
I stand and walk, panicked, toward him. “I love you, too. I won’t leave you. People who love each other don’t leave each other ...” I shake my head as he grabs my hands.
“I need to do this alone, November. It’s going to be ugly and painful. The past two months have made both of us sick.” He slides his hands down my ribs and grips my bony hips. “I can’t pull you down any further, but I can’t help you right now either. God, I wish I could.” Waves of tears crash through his eyes.
“No...Bo ...” I tighten my hands on his. “Please don’t do this. Last night—”
“Last night shouldn’t have happened, Ember. I wasn’t thinking. I just needed you. I’m sorry.” He shakes free from my hands and places his back on the counter. He looks away.
“I don’t want to leave you here alone.” I slide my hands into my back pockets.
His voice cracks. “I’ll be fine, Ember. I’m going to spend some time with the therapist that helped me and Rae when our parents died. I just need space from everything right now. If we get our chance again, I want it to be when we’re both healthy and ready.”
If? Again?
Shit. He’s absolutely right and it kills me. We’re a disaster right now—apart and together—and I have no rebuttal.
“I’ll get my things.” I turn and make my way upstairs to collect my clothes and backpack, and head back down the stairs, where I find Bo waiting by my car.
“I’ll call you when I’m ready. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but...I just need ...” He runs his hand over his face, sweeping away tears.
“No, I get it. You’re right. Can I say one thing?” He nods as I open my door. “I’m really sorry. About absolutely everything.” A sob chokes out anything else I planned on saying and he nods, pulling me into a mournful embrace.
“I’m sorry, too.” Bo smoothes his hand over the back of my hair and kisses the top of my head. He takes my face in his hands one more time. The pain in his eyes is unbearable. “I love you.”
I nod through tears pouring down my face. “I love you, too. I never stopped.”
It’s too much for both of us. Bo releases my face and walks back to his house, face in hands. I collapse into my car and sob for half an hour before I’m able to start my car and drive home.
Chapter Thirty-Three