“I’ve gotta get to Boston.” I sigh and walk to the door.
“By the way, Asshole,” Monica walks over to me and smacks my arm, “I googled your parents after the night of the Coldplay concert. You and I are going to have a serious discussion.”
“Way to hold out on us, Ember.” Josh fakes annoyance as I leave.
*
After the longest drive to Boston in my life, I’m standing at the private entrance of The W, filled with dread. Adrian’s going to want answers and I don’t know if I have them. Why did I carry Bo out of a bar when he was doing a perfectly fine job of drowning his sorrows? Why did I insist my ex-boyfriend stay at my house when Regan offered his? Why, for the love of God, why did I walk away from Adrian last night when he headed down the beach? I have the answers...there’s only one answer.
My body has been rejecting my actions with Adrian for weeks. I’ve lost weight, I can’t sleep, and I walk around with a solid knot in my gut most days. I’ve lied to my friends, my family, and myself. And for what? Because I was pissed off a few weeks ago? My spirit has become a complete disaster, a junkie tapping its veins for the release Adrian Turner provides.
“Ms. Harris.” The doorman nods and I force a tight smile, mouth closed so I don’t throw up all over his nice suit.
“Thank you,” I whisper through my clenched teeth.
With trembling knees, I knock on Adrian’s door. It swings open freely. Adrian doesn’t look at me as he motions me in.
“Hi.” I jump with the slam of the door behind me.
“You came.” With a dead tone, he leans against the door, crossing his arms and ankles.
“You’re kidding,” I punch up the sarcasm. “You don’t answer my calls all night, then tell me your brother drove all the way from Boston to pick you up. Then,” I stand toe-to-toe with him at the door, “you barge into my apartment and demand that I choose between the two of you? What does that even mean?” I can’t let Adrian know how I’m feeling until I get some answers about last night. His face doesn’t change.
“I saw you watching him play. You were in your own world. Damn, Ember, you jumped three feet in a crowded bar when I came up behind you.” He slides past me and paces thoughtfully toward the expansive window.
“It’s music, Adrian, I’m always lost in it.” I shoulder next to him with a whisper as we watch the busy city below.
“You should have seen your face when he started playing that song. It was like someone punched you right in the gut.”
“It hurt my feelings.”
Adrian takes my hand. “He shouldn’t affect your feelings at all, Ember.” Hurt saturates his eyes and seeps down his face.
As I lock into Adrian’s eyes, I know Bo will always affect me. I’m miserable and it’s not Adrian’s fault.
“No,” Adrian startles me from my thoughts, cupping my face in his hands, “You’re mine, Ember, and I’m yours.” His vocal cords strum panic as he scans my eyes.
“Adrian ...” My voice has never been so shaky. He tightens his grip on my face as I try to pull away.
“You’re not bailing on us, Blue. We just got started.” His voice is approaching a yell.
Grabbing Adrian’s wrists, I pull his hands away from my face. “It’s not about bailing, Adrian.”
He walks over to the bar, pouring himself a shot, while I sit on the couch. I don’t mention that it’s barely past noon on a Sunday.
“So what’s it about, then? I sat by and watched you date another guy who was lying to you. You bailed on him and came to me when shit hit the fan. What is it now, if this isn’t bailing? What’s it about?” The shot glass glides between his thumb and forefinger.
“Me,” I state flatly.
“Goddammit, Ember, it’s always fucking about you!” Adrian hurls the shot glass through the air, and it shatters against the window. Reflexively, I stand and walk into the kitchen. My heart races as he strides toward me and starts yelling. “In college you wouldn’t even let me speak when you broke up with me. It was about your fears, and it crushed me, November. It fucking crushed me!”
His nostrils flair with each ragged breath he takes. Anger clashes with the hurt in his eyes, and I start doing the most unattractive thing possible—yelling and crying at the same time. The feral yell that comes from my throat startles both of us as tears pour down my face. I’m exhausted, angry, and confused.
“So what the hell is your problem then, huh?” I sniff back the tears that are pouring through my nose. “Why the hell would you want to be with me again if I hurt you so bad?”