Bo steps outside and holds the door for me as I step onto a grassy lawn facing a thick tree line. He walks around the corner and leans his shoulder against the brick building, crossing his arms in front of him. My heart searches for an escape. We’re outside, so anywhere will do, but my pride roots her feet in place. I’m not going anywhere. I mimic his position as the foundation in my throat begins to crumble under threatening tears.
I allow myself a second to finally look into his eyes. They’re tired. He looks pale, but put together. Too many feelings pulse through me at once, and I can’t sort them out. The last time I saw his face, I was screaming at him. A few hours before that, I was kissing him. The thought of his kiss threatens to seal my throat again. I look over his shoulder when I start speaking.
“I don’t want today to be weird,” I start with a shaky cadence. “I mean, I know everyone knows everything, and whatever, but this project is really important to both organizations and I don’t want to screw it up.” I hug my torso and scan the grass.
“November ...” As soon as his voice hits my eardrums, my vision blurs with tears. If I blink, it’s all over. I look to the sky and silently beg for a downpour. Bo takes one step forward and deliberately, but gently, places his hand back on my shoulder.
“Don’t.” I turn my back to him in time for the tears to stream wildly down my cheeks. I purse my lips tightly to prevent a sob from giving me away. In record time, my shoulders shake in response to the sheer amount of tears they’re releasing.
“Ember, please don’t cry. Damn it. Please, please don’t cry.” Bo doesn’t raise his voice as he crosses in front of me and takes both of my shoulders in his hands. I tilt my head to the side and rest it on the cold brick, not meeting his eyes.
“Can I just...just have a minute?” My voice is reaching a weird octave and I’m straining to form words. This is an ugly cry. The kind saved for the bathtub or a best friend’s bedroom. This is not acceptable. I take a few deep breaths through my mouth and start dragging my fingers under my eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Ember. I was such an ass. I tried calling you. I stopped myself from showing up at your house, and I thought about not coming today. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. You have to believe me when I tell you I never meant for you to get hurt ...” He trails off as I shift and press my forehead against the building. He knows I’m about to bail, that’s why he’s speaking so fast. He wants to get it all out before I shut him down. I simply shake my head without turning around.
After a few seconds of silence, I hear the door shut and I look over my shoulder. He’s gone. I sink to the soft ground and bury my head into my knees. I just need another minute of this and I should be good. After a few minutes, the door opens again, but I don’t look up. A small hand brushes the hair away from my face and tucks it behind my ear.
Monica.
I look up and find her kneeling beside me, her eyes brimming with understanding and no judgment.
“I brought makeup,” she states plainly.
Breaking into soft laughter, I let her lead me up from the ground. “Thanks. You’re the best.” She opens the door and I hesitate.
“He’s gone. I stayed in my car until I saw him leave. Rachel’s in the meeting room. I met her in the hallway and she pointed me out the back door. She’s awesome. We’ve gotta hang on to her.” Monica smiles as we head into the bathroom.
I take several deep breaths as I touch up my makeup, and pray the remaining red splotches leave my face by the time the meeting starts.
“Do we have a few minutes to get our shit together in a spare office?” I ask Monica as we head out of the bathroom.
“Yeah, I brought our stuff in there. Follow me.”
We spend ten minutes preparing our notes before heading to the large meeting room. I see David Bryson, Carrie, Rachel, and what I assume is the legal team—including Adrian. Carrie and David carry on a quiet conversation, Rachel randomly shuffles papers, and Adrian watches my every movement until I meet his stare dead on. I give him a nod and a smile, but his smirk tells me he doesn’t buy it. We’ll be talking about this later.
The meeting goes smoothly. I don’t have to say much, since Carrie and David do most of the talking; and David and I have already met, so he knows what I do. David directs our attention to the legal team, who formally present the contracts we’ve all already gone through. It’s the first time I’ve seen Adrian on the job. I like it, he seems proud. He should be, he has an incredible game face that wouldn’t lead anyone to believe he knows anything about the giant elephants flying through the room. It’s decided that Monica, Carrie, and I will spend three days a week in Concord helping to develop and open the new DROP community center.