Silence. The ball is in my court. He really does seem to expect me to go to him now and pursue the contract. I am still confused and uncertain about what I want. I’m sitting on my bed, listening to Dr. Kat again, and I like her. She is fun and honest, and makes sense when she responds to people. I am almost desperate enough to dial the number provided, and use an alias, though I expect the callers are lined up long in advance. But maybe I’ll try . . .
Yes. I think I’ll try.
“Welcome to the Dr. Kat show. What’s your question?”
“A man has asked me to enter into a BDSM relationship with him and this is new to me,” I told her. “I’m not sure how to be certain that it’s right for me.”
“Is this your first BDSM experience?”
“Yes. Yes, it is.”
“Well then, it’s normal to feel uncertain. Will you be bottom or top?”
“Bottom or top?”
“Are you the submissive?”
“Yes.”
“And how do you feel about that?”
My reply was speedy. “I’ve never thought of myself as submissive, but he says I need an outlet where I don’t have to be in control.”
“Do you?”
“I didn’t, but now . . . maybe.”
“What’s your hesitation? Is he pressuring you to do things you aren’t comfortable with?”
“No. He’s given me space and time to make this decision.”
“That’s good,” Dr. Kat said with approval. “That’s how it should be, but you’re still hesitating. Why?”
“I’m afraid of losing who I am, and being only what he lets me be.”
“It sounds like you’re afraid of losing control. For many people, giving away control in a safe BDSM environment can actually help them get over this fear. It sounds like you’re drawn to the idea.”
“Yes . . . yes, I think I am, but I’m nervous.”
“The important thing is to set limits, the things you won’t tolerate. Talk to him, and if he won’t agree to those limits, then you need to consider if this is right for you. He only has control because you give it to him. Don’t ever forget that.”
I hung up from my call with Dr. Kat and sat there thinking about limits and control. I never thought I’d see the day I would give a man any control over me at all. Now, my biggest fear is giving one too much.
Click through for an exclusive sneak peek at Lisa Renee Jones’s sizzling beginning to the Inside Out trilogy
If I Were You
featuring a young woman who has stumbled upon Rebecca’s journals and finds herself drawn down the same path . . .
Available from Gallery Books
When the gallery comes into view, I pause to watch a group of elegantly dressed visitors pour through its double glass doors, which are lined in shiny silver for the black-tie affair. Artsy swirls of red letters, displayed above the entry, spell ALLURE.
Nerves flutter in my stomach, though I can’t say why. I love the contemporary art Allure specializes in, love their mix of local new artists who I can discover, as well as the established names whose work I already appreciate. My nerves are ridiculous. I’m uncomfortable in this world, but then, this isn’t my world. It’s Rebecca’s, and Rebecca is the real reason I’m here.
A glance at my dainty, handmade, gold wristwatch, also bought at the pier, confirms I have plenty of time to spare. It is seven forty-five, fifteen minutes until Alvarez will be unveiling a new painting that will be displayed in the gallery and up for silent auction through the end of the week. Oh, how I’d love to have an Alvarez original, but they don’t come cheap. Still, a girl can dream.
Excitement filters in with nerves as I rush toward the door. A young brunette woman in a simple black dress holds it open for me and offers me a smile. “Welcome.”