Raw

I’ve never begged before. Never in my life. I sure as fuck am not gonna start now. Playing it cool, I chuckle. “Babe, what do you think you’re doing here anyways? This place…it’s not for the likes of you.”

 

 

What I don’t say is ‘You’re too good to be in a place like this. A place like this pulls at your good and dulls your sparkle. And I like your sparkle.’

 

Staring down at my chest, she takes a step closer to me and whispers miserably, “I’m here to let Brad fuck me.” My cheek ticks and my head implodes. She steps closer to me to add, “He’s going to fuck me. Fuck me ‘til I forget you. ‘Til I forget I ever met you. He’s helping me drown you out, and I like when I’m not thinkin’ about you.” She looks into my eyes and repeats on a whisper, “You’re poison.”

 

I’ve officially had enough of this conversation.

 

Taking her elbow, I pull her towards me, when Brad the asshole stands and starts, “Hey! Let go of her! She doesn’t want to go with you. You heard—”

 

Reaching into the back of my jeans, I pull out my .32 semi and point it right in the middle of his brows. Stepping away so quickly with his arms raised, he stumbles backward into a stool.

 

But I can’t walk away yet. His humiliation is something I need right now. I need him to learn. What, exactly? I’m not sure. But I want to see his fear.

 

Lexi pulls on my elbow and quietly says a defeated, “Okay, Twitch. You win. I’ll go with you. Leave him alone and we’ll leave, babe. Just me and you.”

 

It’s my turn to snatch my elbow from her alcohol-weakened grip. Taking two large steps, I push the barrel of the pistol into his forehead, hard. Listening to him whimper brings me a rush. Warmth spreads through me. Leaning closer to him, I grit my teeth and say quietly, “You got something to say to me, wise guy? Fuckin’ say it.”

 

Brad starts to shake, and I can feel eyes on me. Most likely from everyone in the bar. Lucky, I know the bartender. Well. Jimmy and I had business dealings. I know he knows I’m doing what I think I have to.

 

I give Brad a full thirty seconds to answer before I whisper, “Yeah, I thought so,” and move away from him. Placing the Colt back in my waistband, I move to stand by Lexi, wrap my arm around her shoulders, and tuck her into my side. Her hand slides up to the middle of my chest, and she fists my shirt. “Let’s go, babe. Let’s go,” she whispers.

 

Lifting my finger, I point hard at the quivering mess that is Brad and announce loudly, “No one plays with my things. No one touches what’s mine. This…” Sliding my hand down to Lexi’s ass, I make a show of cupping it and squeezing. Hard. “…this is mine. Got it?”

 

Brad – still with his hands raised in surrender – nods vigorously, and I know I’ve made my point.

 

To Brad. And to Lexi.

 

It’s selfish to keep her around when I know she wants time alone. I know it is. But I can’t let her go.

 

You need her.

 

I don’t need anyone. I’m just selfish.

 

At least, that’s what I tell myself.

 

 

 

 

 

“You left.”

 

Driving Lexi back to her place, I know we have to talk about what happened. This whole having a girlfriend thing blows so far. I repeat myself, “You left after you said you wouldn’t.”

 

Looking out of the window, she mutters miserably, “Yeah, well, I figured if you couldn’t keep your promise, then I shouldn’t have to keep mine either.”

 

It’s times like this that I wish my brain worked like everyone else’s.

 

Breathing deeply, I try in vain to calm my racing heart. “I’m not… It’s not like… I didn’t mean it, Angel. I swear. There is no one else. Just you.”

 

I wait patiently, but she doesn’t respond. Why did I think I would say what I had to say and she would just jump into my open arms cooing, ‘I’m yours!’?

 

Stupid movies and their completely inaccurate argument scenes.

 

Reaching over to hold her hand, I’m surprised that she lets me. Linking our fingers, I pull her hand onto my thigh and try again. “I’m not used to having one woman, Lex.” She scoffs and I cringe, knowing (now) that it wasn’t the right thing to say. “What I meant is that I’ve not ever given myself to one woman. I’ve always avoided relationships because I don’t like what comes with them. This being one of those things.”

 

She mumbles, “You said it yourself. You’re going to hurt me.”

 

Underplaying my words, I shrug. “It’s bound to happen, baby. I’m sure you’ll hurt me too. But that’s just something that happens when you care about someone too much. Everyone gets hurt.” She turns her sad eyes to me. I add, “But it makes the sweet so much sweeter. If every relationship was perfect, think about how bored everyone would be. Not to mention, make up sex is supposed to be fan-fuckin’-tastic.”

 

Her lip twitches and I know I’ve got her. She turns her face back to the window, “You’re a dork.”

 

Lifting our hands to my mouth, I nip her fingers. “I’m your dork.”

 

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