Shit on a stick! We aren’t using protection! What the hell is wrong with me?
I blame Twitch for my lack of thinkage. He has me all wound up, and now I have the dumb.
A slap to my ass brings me back to reality. “Yes. I’m on the pill.”
Not a second after I respond to him, his fingers tighten around my hips, and he thrusts so hard, so deeply into me, that it feels like I’m bouncing on a trampoline. His grip tightens on me. He impales himself into me one last time and holds my hips tightly in place.
And I feel it.
His orgasm.
He groans deeply, then stills as his cock jerks, and with every throb of his release, a feeling of comfort washes over me. And what a feeling! Wet warmth coats me from the inside. It’s amazing. I’ve never had sex bare.
My brain interrupts me with, “You do realize you just had crazy-assed sex with a homeless, crazy-assed stalker-dude, right? You also let this guy come inside you and you’ve known him about a minute and a half.” My brain’s eyes widen and it nods. “You, my dear, are a stupid ho.”
Twitch still hasn’t removed himself from inside of me. His thumb absently strokes my hip, and the only sounds that can be heard in my room is a duet of heavy breathing. I smile to myself.
Meh.
I’ll worry about the BS tomorrow.
What the fuck was all that?
My head itches around the empty space where my brain should be.
Get out of there, man.
This was not how things were meant to go tonight. She was meant to be scared, and weak, and fragile. Not all…fucking hell.
She was meant to be everything I needed. She was meant to be something I could work with.
Who says she isn’t?
I’m getting used to ignoring my mind’s voice when it talks stupid smack like that.
She says the magic words – I give in – and my cock gets happy. I can’t wait to break her in and start what I’ve waited years for. But no. She doesn’t give in so easily…and even when she thinks she’s giving in, she’s only giving up a small part of herself. Not what I need her to give for this to work.
And it’s not e-fucking-nough for me.
I need her. I want her. I will own her.
The need to punish her is getting worse.
So why didn’t you?
Searching for my tee, I find it by the front door with the rest of my clothes and slip it over my head. Like I said, tonight did not go as planned. And I need to get away from her. From her sweet smell and soft mouth. I need to think.
Walking back to her room, I sit on the edge of her bed and go about putting my shoes on. Without turning to her, I walk back down the hall, grab my jacket from the sofa and walk out the front door. Giving her a false indication of what tonight meant to me.
Nothing.
I know I’m an asshole. I’m not even sorry.
As I close the door behind me, I force my eyes down, making sure not to look down the hall and into those big blue eyes.
No. Tonight definitely did not go as planned.
I hear the latch click over as Twitch walks out of my apartment. I’m not really sure what I expected…but that was not it. I think I expected at least a goodnight.
My brow furrows. My brain works overtime.
With that exit, I’m left feeling like a hooker who paid her hero back through sexual favors.
And I suddenly feel dirty.
Standing on shaky legs, our combined juices run down my legs as I make it the bathroom just in time to throw up.
I woke this morning in a foul mood. This was expected. I went to bed in a foul mood, so it makes sense to wake up in one too.
After Twitch left and I made my mad dash to the bathroom to lose the contents of my stomach, I showered for the second time that night to wash the dirty feeling off of me. And while I was showering, I wondered what in the hell I was thinking allowing a man I don’t know – a potentially dangerous man – to have his way with me.
My mind blanked. I had no answer.
It was a stupid thing to do. Something I’ll never do again. I vow to never do anything like that again.
Because I am better than that.
“What’s up your ass today?” asks Ling through narrowed eyes.
I barely spare her a glance and keep reading the newspaper without answering. But, Ling being Ling, she can’t help herself. “No, seriously, Twitch? Or should I drop the t-w and add a b instead?”
I hear the smile in her voice and I want to turn her over my knee. This wouldn’t be an unusual thing between us. In fact, most mornings lead to a hard and rough quickie. But my mind is on last night. In short, I’m not up to it.
More like my cock isn’t up to it. Ling is not the person he wants to play with.
I’m rethinking a lot of things since last night. I take a good look around me, at the rooms of my house that are visible from the dining table, and I think the view should make me happy. But today, it doesn’t.
What do you do when the goal you’ve been working toward your whole life goes up in a cloud of smoke?
Right. You find a new goal.
As of today, my new goal is set.
Lexi.
I smile cruelly into my paper.
I’m going to break her.