Radiant

- 5 -


Reflections


"Are you sure you don't want to take another day off?" Mom asked on Monday morning.

"If I stay home any longer, I'll jump out the window," Mary said.

"Don't do that," Mom said. "Think of the property value. Rent is already a killer here."

Mary laughed. Her mother kinda had a messed up sense of humor. "Hey Mom? Can I make a large sculpture?"

"Is it for school?"

Mary shook her head. "I was talking to Ben at the art store. He just finished this cool phoenix that he's going to exhibit at an art show. He invited you, Ba, and me to it, actually. You wanna go?"

Mom took a slow sip of coffee. "I'll have to check. I might need to work."

"Okay," Mary said. "But if you can't, can I take Ba?"

Mom took another slow sip. "I don't see a problem with that. Just as long as you get her back in time for her curfew."

Mary nodded. "Anyway, about this sculpture. I'll need a big space and some tools. Ben said I could use his workshop and he can get me the materials at a discount."

Mom set her cup on the table. "I don't think that's a good idea. I don't feel comfortable with you going over to a stranger's for hours."

Mary wrinkled her brow. "Ba and I have been buying stuff at his shop for years. He's not a stranger. Maybe it's because you've never met him. You should go there with me one day."

"There's also the matter of money," Mom said. "You remember how Ba was recently switched to a stronger medication? It's almost double the cost as before. I don't know if we can afford it, even at a discount."

"Oh," Mary said. She thought for a moment. "Mom? Do you ever think that maybe I should just go to public school?"

Mom looked at her. "Why do you ask that?"

"Well, we'd have more money," Mary said. "We could live in a nicer place. Maybe Ba could come live with us again and we could hire one of those home care people so that she wouldn't have to be at the retirement home all the time."

"Perhaps," Mom said. "But you're forgetting about something important in all of that."

"What?" Mary asked.

"Your future," Mom said. "Your school is one of a handful in the whole state where a hundred percent of the graduates go to college."

"I know," Mary said. "But lots of people who go to public school go to college, too."

Mom chuckled. "Yes, but most of them don't get into the colleges that you will be able to. Remember, Ba went to Agape because she wanted to. She has friends there and she sees us regularly. And she knows that by doing things this way, you'll have a better shot at being successful."

Mary poked at her cereal. "You're successful."

Mom smirked. "Only after I did things the hard way. I'm sorry, Sweetie. I wish you could do your art project."

Mary shook her head. "It's all right. I understand." She got up from the kitchen table and hung her bag on her opposite shoulder. Her bruised side was still not ready to bear the burden of her schoolwork. "I need to go to the library after school. But I'll see you tonight."

"Don't be late. It's bánh cuốn with Ba tonight," Mom said.

She kissed her mother. "I'll be there. Love-you-buh-bye."

"Love-you-buh-bye," Mom said.

Mary headed out. On the first floor, Bruce was fixing a cracked tile.

"Hi Bruce," she said.

"Hm," he mumbled.

And that was the extent of their conversations, except when he yelled at her for running down the stairs. Sometimes Mary thought about talking back to him, but Mom told her not to. Otherwise, their maintenance requests would definitely be ignored.

Mary paid unusual attention to the things around her today. The convenience store on the corner. The newsstand near the bus stop. The fire hydrant with chipped paint, showing the years of dog piss it had endured. The bus noises were sharp again. At school, people in the halls said hi and asked how she was. She answered truthfully, "Fine," but never went into details. Mary didn't normally talk much to anyone at school.

She stopped by the girls' restroom before heading to Pre-Calculus. After finishing at the toilet, she set her books by the sinks and began washing her hands. She glanced up at the mirror.

A boy was standing behind her. It was Carter.

Mary gasped and spun around. Her heart raced as she scanned the room quickly, but she only saw the plain tiled walls and the puke-green stall doors. For a school that cost an arm and a spleen to go to, you'd think it could afford to change those doors out.

Mary went to each stall, pushing the doors open. But no one was there. She returned to her bag and pulled out the bottle of painkillers. Dizziness and anxiousness numbered among the side effects, but not hallucinations. Had she just imagined seeing him?

The water in the sink was still running. Mary shut it off and looked in the mirror again. Only her reflection stared back at her.

Suddenly, she remembered the movie on TV a couple days ago, where the dead kid's ghost tracked down and killed the ones who tried to cover up his death. "He died," she said to herself. "He died, and now he's haunting me."

Brrriiiiinnnnggggg!

Mary jumped at the sound of the bell. She looked at the painkillers in her hand. The word "anxiousness" stood out on the label.

"That's stupid. I'm just imagining things." She shoved the pills back into her bag and headed to class.

When she got there, she sat next to Sienna. Sienna was one of only two people Mary spoke to beyond the obligatory niceties. Part of it was because Sienna was also mixed—her dad was Brazilian and her mom's family was Persian. In a prep school where non-Caucasian kids made up less than a quarter of the student body, mixed kids were an anomaly. But it was also because Mary took Art with Sienna and her boyfriend, David, and they had always sat together.

"You're here!" Sienna said cheerfully. "How are you doing?"

"Ok, thanks," Mary said.

"I was sick the day of the accident," Sienna said. "I heard about it from David. It must've been crazy."

Mary took her books out of her bag. "Yeah, it was." She didn't elaborate.

Sienna watched Mary quietly for a moment as she finished getting her stuff settled. "So, have you seen Carter?"

"Once in the hospital," Mary said.

"How about today?" Sienna asked.

Mary shook her head. "I haven't been back to the hospital. Besides, it'd be kinda weird since I'm not a family member or friend, you know?"

Sienna raised her eyebrows. "No, I meant here. Have you seen him here at school today?"

Mary looked at her. "Of course not."

"Mary," she said. "He's here. He was back at school on Friday."

"What?" Mary gasped.

Sienna nodded. "I didn't believe it either at first. But David and I saw him in the hall after lunch."

It had taken Mary days to stop aching enough to function. With pain meds. Carter had nearly died, and he came back to school just two days after the accident?

"I heard he went to class and basketball practice and everything like normal," Sienna said. "Well, maybe 'normal' isn't the right word. He was acting a little weird."

"Weird?" Mary asked. "How so?"

"Well, you know what an a*shole Carter Maxwell can be," Sienna said. "But not since he's been back. He hardly talks to anyone. Not even Laci."

Mary stared at her blankly.

"Laci Wallace. His current girlfriend. Or his flavor of the month, as people like to say," Sienna explained.

"Oh," Mary said.

"No one saw him during lunch last week, which is weird because he's always at the popular table with his friends," Sienna continued. "At practice, Coach Hannigan made him sit on the bench. You know, being in an accident and all."

"What's strange about that?" Mary asked.

Sienna looked at her dumbly. "Carter Maxwell? On the bench? He would've had a fit! But I heard that he just sat there without a single complaint. He's totally different."

The bell rang again, and Mr. Hubert began the Pre-Calculus lesson. But Mary hardly paid attention as she thought about what Sienna had told her. Was Carter really here at school? Now? She only had her last class with him—Physics. He normally sat in the back with some of his friends, while Mary took one of the lonely desks near the front. She'd have to wait until then to see if he was in a body cast or something.

When Pre-Cal was finished, Mary gathered up her stuff and headed for the door with the others as usual. But the moment she stepped outside, she collided with another person. "Gah!" she cried as waves of pain surged through her bruised side, bringing her to her knees.

"Mary!" Sienna said as she came over to her. "Geez Carter. What's wrong with you?"

Mary looked up. The person she had run into was Carter Maxwell. He wasn't in a body cast and he didn't have crutches or anything. He looked normal, actually. Except for the thick black sweater he wore over his school uniform.

"I am sorry," he said. "I did not mean to cause harm." He then knelt down and looked Mary in the eyes. There was a subtle spark of life in his green irises. "Are you all right, Mary?" he asked.

She didn't say anything for a moment. Mary didn't know that Carter knew her name, and she had never noticed he had green eyes before. Nor how nice they looked when he was concerned.

She shook her head quickly to break off his gaze. "No. I mean, yeah. I'm fine."

The corners of his mouth curled into a half-smile. "I am glad."

People were staring at them. Mary blushed under the added attention, and she quickly got to her feet.

"Need help carrying your stuff?" Sienna asked.

"Thanks," Mary said. "But I'm just gonna swing by my locker. I'll be fine."

"All right. See you in Art." Sienna shot one last warning look at Carter before heading down the hall.

Mary picked up her bag and turned the other direction. As she walked, she realized people were still looking at her. That's when she noticed Carter was walking next to her. And he was doing it in a really weird way. He made each step deliberate, like he was doing mini-lunges.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I am walking," he said.

"Um. Okay." Mary looked forward again, thinking that when she got to her locker, he'd go away. But he didn't. He stopped with her.

"I'm all right, Carter," she said. "You don't have to help me."

"Okay," he said.

Mary looked at him from the corner of her eye as she put her Pre-Cal stuff away and got her Art things. "Are you all right?"

Carter smiled. "I am. Thank you for asking."

Sienna was right. Carter was acting weird. That bus sure did a job on his brain.

"Don't you have to go to class or something?" she asked.

"Yes," he said.

Mary closed her locker and headed towards Art. Carter followed. The halls were emptying as kids got to their rooms, but it was still embarrassing with him lunging next to her. Mary stopped and faced him. "Listen, Carter. I really am all right. You don't have to walk with me to class." In fact, she preferred that he didn't.

He smiled. "You said that already."

"Yeah," she said. "So…stop following me."

Carter wrinkled his brow. "Do I make you uncomfortable? Walking with you like this?"

Give the man a prize. "Uh, yeah," Mary said. "Very."

He looked a little sad suddenly. "I am sorry. I will leave you alone." He turned and walked down the other hall.

Mary felt bad. She didn't mean to make him sad. She just wanted him to stop following her. She sighed and headed down the same hall to apologize. But when she got there, she didn't see him. "Carter?"

He was nowhere. Despite the weird lunges, he apparently could move quickly.

That's when she remembered. For days, Mary had put herself through a series of guilt trips, thinking Carter was going to die or end up a vegetable. She had never considered everything going back to normal. Or, relatively normal. This was the first time she'd seen Carter since the hospital, and she had forgotten to thank him for what he had done.

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