Her head was spinning. This wasn’t at all going like she planned. “Are you saying you want us to move in with you?”
“Okay. Yeah. I’m kind of handling this backward. It’s not like I’ve done this before.” He was smiling at her. He looked genuinely happy, as if he hadn’t just turned her world completely upside down. “I love you, Kat.”
The words should have elated her. After all, she loved him, too. But love changed things. It made everything messy and complicated. As if their lives weren’t messy and complicated already.
And why would she uproot the kids and move in with him? She’d established a life for them in New York. A life that worked well. She was successful there. She had a launching point for European travel.
So typical for a man to think she’d give up everything and follow him. Wasn’t that what her mother had done? She’d left Russia and followed her father to a new life in America. And then he’d made her life miserable, abandoned her …
Abandoned them.
Abandoned Katrina when she’d needed him most.
Because that was what men who loved you did to you. They made promises, and then they left.
She shook her head, the past mixed with the now.
No. She would not do this.
It was like she’d been living in a dream these past couple of months. A hazy fog where everything had been hot and sexy and uncomplicated. And in the middle of all the hot and sexy and uncomplicated had been Grant, who’d swept in with all his sweet words and his incredible body and made her feel like a princess in a fairyland.
But that wasn’t real life. She had other people besides herself to think about, which was nothing like a fantasy.
She’d worked so hard all these years, had sacrificed so much, so the kids could have their futures. So she could have her future. So she’d never have to rely on anyone. It had taken order and discipline and a precisely structured plan. All the order and discipline she’d carefully crafted would never work with him, living with him at his house.
Her heart sank.
She shook her head. “No.”
His smile evaporated. “No to which part?”
She lifted her gaze to his. “No to all of it. We can’t make this work.”
He circumvented her luggage barrier, took her hands and sat on the bed, taking her with him. “Tell me what you think won’t work and we’ll talk through it.”
She didn’t want to talk through it. She didn’t want him to try and convince her. All she wanted right now was to go back to the way her life was. When it was simple and uncomplicated and didn’t have Grant in it. When her heart didn’t hurt and her mind wasn’t confused. When the kids wouldn’t be hurt—again—because they couldn’t have what they wanted.
Only this time it wouldn’t be Dad who hurt them by leaving, or Mom by dying. It would be her who was going to hurt them, because they’d fallen in love with Grant—and with his family—just as she had.
This was just as much Grant’s fault as it was hers. How could she not have seen this coming?
Dammit.
She stood and paced back and forth. Grant got up, too.
“Kat. Talk to me.”
She stopped, turned to face him.
“I have to get the kids. We have to go home.”
“No, you don’t. You have to tell me what’s bothering you so I can fix it.”
Anger and frustration boiled inside of her. She pointed a finger at him. “That’s the problem. You think you can fix everything when you can’t. You exploded into my life and made all these changes to it. You expected me to blindly follow along as if you knew best. Well, you don’t know best. You don’t know me or my family or what’s best for us. And while I appreciate you taking my brother and sister under your wing, and while I really love your family, you’re all a little overwhelming for me. And you never once asked if this was what I wanted.”
He frowned. “If what was what you wanted?”
She opened her arms wide. “This. All of this.”
He looked around the bedroom, then frowned. “You’re not making any sense. Are you saying you don’t want to be part of my life?”
She knew she wasn’t making sense. None of it made sense to her, either. All she knew was she didn’t want to be here anymore, because it hurt too much. She didn’t know what she wanted, only that she had never been so scared of the way she felt, of the possibility of change in her life.
The possibility that he could hurt her someday.
“I need to go home.”
“No, you need to stay here and talk to me.”
She shook her head. “The kids and I have been doing fine. I’m perfectly capable of supporting them and myself. I don’t need you to take care of me. To take care of us.”
“I know that.”
She gave him a pointed look. “Do you? Do you really? I don’t know if you care about me, or feel as if you need to shelter us, to protect us.”