Friday
Paul swipes a hand across his smile. “Probably not.”
Hayley slides her hand into mine and says, “You can come and listen to mine.” She tugs my fingers so I follow her into her bedroom. I stand there, not at all sure where I’m supposed to go.
Paul sits down on the bed with his back against the headboard. “Which book?” he asks.
Hayley points to one, and I look around the room. I don’t know where to go because she doesn’t have any furniture aside from her bed and her toy chests, so I sit down on the carpet beside her bed and lean against it. My head is near Paul’s knee and his feet are crossed, pointed toward the end of the bed. He’s taking up a lot of space, and Hayley snuggles into her covers with a stuffed rabbit in her arms.
Paul opens the book and starts to read about a bull named Ferdinand. It makes me smile, hearing him read to his daughter. He loves her so much that I’m a little bit jealous. Not because he loves his daughter, but because I feel like I missed out on having anyone love me like that.
His voice gets softer and softer, and he stops when he’s about halfway into the book. “She’s asleep,” he says, and he closes the cover.
“You can’t stop now,” I protest. “I have to find out what happens.”
He grins, opens the book back up, and continues to read. He turns pages with one hand while the other strokes down the length of my hair. My eyelids grow heavy, so I lean against the mattress and let them fall closed. His fingers dig deeper and start to massage my scalp. I finally look up when I realize he has closed the book and all his attention is on me.
I get up on my knees and lean on my elbows, looking at Hayley snuggled and safe under her blankets. “She’s beautiful,” I whisper.
“Yeah, she is,” he says. He brushes my hair back over my shoulder. “So are you.”
My heart stutters, and I force myself to take a deep breath through my nose. But all I can smell is him and the little-girl scent that’s all Hayley.
“Did you ever want this?” he asks, jerking his head toward his daughter.
I nod. “Once upon a time, yes,” I whisper. “I wanted it. More than anything.”
“What changed?” he asks. His blue eyes stare into mine.
“Everything,” I say. Regret hits me like a truck smashing into my body. I push to my feet and walk to the door. I turn back to look at him. “Are you coming?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Sometimes I just like to watch her sleep.”
“Okay. Good night,” I say softly.
He looks up at me and smiles. “’Night.”
I go out to the kitchen and clean up a little. The pizza boxes go into the recycling and so do the beer cans. I load the dishwasher and wipe off the counter.
I startle when I see Paul with his hip hitched against the counter. “You don’t have to clean up,” he says. He’s quiet, probably because he doesn’t want to wake Hayley.
“I don’t mind.” I wipe my hands with a dishtowel and smile at him. He looks at me. He really looks at me, and it makes me want to squirm. “We never did talk about how much I’m going to pay you for the room.”
“I thought we’d just take it out in trade. You know, sexual favors?”
I snort and toss the wet towel at his head. He catches it. “Have you ever paid for sex?” I ask.
This time he snorts. “Never had to.” He grins, and it’s so damn sexy I could drop my panties right here and not even feel bad about it.
“Women come easily for you.”
He smiles even more widely. “Some come more easily than others.”
He knows that’s not what I meant. “You and Kelly…you weren’t exclusive, were you?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “We were before we had Hayley. Then we weren’t.”
“And that was okay with both of you?” I go sit down on the couch, and he follows me. He sits beside me and takes my hand. Heat shoots from his palm to mine, and a tingle spikes up my arm. I shiver.
“It was okay with us,” he says quietly. “I like that you shiver for me,” he adds, his voice so soft and rough I can barely hear it.
I take a deep breath, and he watches my chest rise and fall and licks his lips. “I can’t have an orgasm,” I blurt out.
He sits back a little. “What?”
“I…um…I can’t have an orgasm. I can’t come. I can’t get off.” F*ck, I should have stopped at orgasm. I groan inwardly.
He chuckles and scratches his head. “Well, that’s a challenge. But I feel sure we can get past it.” He leans down until his lips are almost touching mine. “I’m sure I can make you come,” he says. “I’m a hard worker.”
“That’s not what I meant,” I squeak, pushing him back with a hand on his chest.
He sits back. “Talk to me.”
“Since the insemination, I’m not allowed to orgasm. Not until after my checkup. It’ll lessen the chances of the baby taking root.”
His brows rise. “Really?”
I nod.
“Oh, so on a normal day, you don’t have a problem with orgasms? Getting off? Coming?” He adjusts his jeans, tugging on the zipper, and I can see his manhood pressed hard against it. He doesn’t touch it or do anything inappropriate, and I wouldn’t even know how affected he is if he wasn’t so f*cking big. God.
My cheeks are on fire. “No, normally not an issue. Although it has been a really long time.”
“How long?” He turns to face me and rests his elbow on the back of the couch, and drags his fingers through my hair.
“A really long time,” I repeat. I let my head fall back and groan to myself. “I know you’re not used to waiting…” I let my voice trail off.
“I’ve been waiting for you my whole life,” he says. “I can wait as long as it takes.”
“You’re so not what I expected, Paul,” I tell him.
“What did you expect?” His hand stops moving in my hair and starts to trail slowly up and down my arm.
“Sex on a stick,” I say quickly. I want to bite the words back as soon as they fall from my lips, but now they’re out there.
He chuckles. “I thought the same thing about you.” He tweaks my nose. “I’ve been fantasizing about you for years.”
I roll my eyes. “But your fantasies included me and another chick.” He did think I was a lesbian, after all.
He shakes his head. “No, it was just you in my head. All you, all the time.” He gets quiet for a second, but it’s not uncomfortable. “When you kissed me, you shocked the shit out of me.”
I wince. “Sorry.”
He holds up both hands. “Oh, please don’t be sorry. I loved it. But then I knew I had to make some changes if I wanted anything real with you. So I did.” He shrugs.
“Why me?” I ask.
“Because you’re you.”
“You don’t know the real me.”
“I know. That’s why I wouldn’t sleep with you right now even if there was no medical issue with it.”
I shove his shoulder. “Liar.”
He shakes his head. “I want to know everything about you.” He lifts my wrist and looks at my tattoos one by one. I have lettering up my inner forearm, and he starts to read it, but I twist my hand before he can finish. “You have these all over, right?” he asks. “Just like me.”
I nod.
He grins somewhat sheepishly. “I want to explore them all with my tongue.” He chuckles.
“Changing your mind about sleeping with me already?”
He shakes his head. “Nope. Exploring your body would give me just about as much pleasure as f*cking you, Friday. I want to know everything.”
“There are some things I’ll never tell you.” I know this about me. He should know it, too. That way, he won’t have any unmet expectations. “I don’t think I can go that deeply. Not with anybody. I’m sorry.” I start to fidget because I don’t know what to do with my hands. “So after my little medical issue is over, I still won’t bare my soul to you.” I lean forward and take his face in my hands. I swipe my fingers beneath his eyes, back and forth in gentle sweeps. “I’ll sleep with you, though. On my terms.”
“I don’t like to share,” he says.
“Neither do I.”
“I won’t share,” he clarifies.
“Neither will I.”
He smiles. “You’re not going to make this easy, are you?”
I shake my head. “Probably not.”
“I have a feeling we could be really good together.”
“You always keep your promises, right?”
He nods. “I try to.”
“Promise me that you won’t break my heart.”
He heaves a sigh. “Friday,” he says.
“Paul,” I say, mocking his tone.
“You’d have to hand me your heart before I could break it.”
I nod. That’s true. “Okay.”
“But if you ever do trust me enough to give it to me, I promise not to harm it. Is that what you want to hear?” He shakes his head. “I don’t even know why this is an issue when you just plan to use me for sex.” He chuckles then raises a hand. “I volunteer as tribute!” he cries quietly.
I laugh. The bad thing is that if anyone could get me to hand my heart over, it’s him. Because I’ve had him in my head for so long that I don’t even know where to compartmentalize him anymore.
“Want to be my girlfriend?” he teases.
I shake my head. “Let’s just start with roommates.”
He nods. “I’ll take whatever you’ll give me.”
He gets up and holds out a hand. I take it, and he gently tugs me to my feet. He walks with me to my doorway, where his fingers pull from where they’re wrapped up in mine and fall away. “Lock your door,” he says.
“Why?”
“So Hayley won’t wake you up in the morning. She’s nosy. And she gets up at the ass crack of dawn.”
I laugh. “I wouldn’t mind.”
“Lock it so I won’t come to you in the middle of the night. I’m nosy, too.”
“I’ll take my chances,” I whisper as I close my door. I hear his footsteps creak across the floor as he walks away. I fall back against the door and finally allow myself to breathe. God, what have I gotten myself into?