“Oh my god, Casey shut up!” I squeal, struggling to find my composure.
“Ah, get over it. Everyone has a porno dream at some point, just not usually while watching a movie with their girlfriends,” she manages to say through her laughter.
I can’t think of a single moment when I’ve been this embarrassed. And I do a lot of embarrassing shit.
“So is he as good in bed in real life?” Brie asks, raising her eyebrows and grinning like a Cheshire cat.
“I wouldn’t know, we haven’t slept together yet.”
The room goes deathly silent as both girls’ mouths drop open and they gawk at me.
“What?” The staring and silence is making me feel all kinds of awkward.
“Hold on a sec, re-the fuck-wind!” Casey bites out.
“You’ve been dating Ethan Jamison for over a month and you haven’t slept together yet?” Brie asks, her eyes wide as she takes in the ‘um…yeah’ expression I’m obviously wearing. She shakes her head like it’s the most unfathomable concept that’s ever been put to her. I stare blankly back as her face scrunches up in confusion. You’d think I’d just asked her to explain the theory behind Quantum Entanglement.
“We’ve done other stuff,” I offer, suddenly feeling conscious of why Ethan and I haven’t gone further. I’ve never been one to bow to peer pressure and I’m not sure now what has me so eager to defend our relationship. It feels like I have this overwhelming compulsion to seek confirmation that what we’re doing is normal. That our relationship is as it should be.
“Wow!” Casey breathes out. “He’s usually got a girl’s panties off before she’s even told him her name.”
“Um, shut up! Thant’s my boyfriend you're talking about”
“Sorry, that sounded way less harsh in my head,” she says with a meek expression. “But you can’t deny his rep, Blair. Has he tried to get in your panties yet?”
I feel my cheeks color again but this time my embarrassment is laced with a tinge of anger, both for the fact that Casey even asked that question and that Ethan really hasn’t tried very hard.
“Not really. Well, we’ve fooled around and he’s got me off, but we haven’t gone any further than that.” Why the hell I’m telling them this I have no idea. I’m not the girlie gossip type; in fact, I’m completely the opposite. My private life has always stayed private. The only person I ever shared things like this with was Em, and that’s the way I liked it. Apparently now I’m happy to discuss my sex life. Who am I?
“Wow,” Casey says.
“Will you stop saying ‘wow’? You're making me freak out,” I shoot, as Casey holds her hands up in surrender.
“Do you think he doesn’t want to sleep with me?” I ask. I can hear the uncertainty in my own voice and it's irritating the shit out of me. I’m not this person; I’m not this weak.
“Blair, relax, trust me…Ethan Jamison wants to sleep with you. It’s written all over that sexy face of his every time he sees you. Actually, I kinda hate you,” Brie says smiling and I feel my shoulders relax slightly as I exhale and take in what she’s said.
“Yup, that boy has got it bad for you. I was just surprised, is all. He’s definitely turned over a new leaf with you.”
“Thanks, Brie.” I smile and although her words have eased me a little, I can’t help the nagging question I still have at the back of my mind: why hasn’t he made a move?
I sit back and draw my legs up against my chest and glance over to the television; the movie credits are rolling and I realize that I slept through the whole thing.
Brie reaches across and grabs the remote to stop the movie.
“If I put another one on, do you think you could manage to stay awake and watch it with us without passing out and having more sex dreams?”
I stick my tongue out like a twelve-year-old and laugh.
“Yes, I think I can manage that.” I smile as she stands and motions for us to follow as she hurries out of her room.
“Cool, let’s go make popcorn first.”
“I didn’t mean to make you pissed. If I overstepped the mark I’m sorry,” Casey says as we follow Brie.
“Nah, it’s fine,” I tell her. And actually it is. For the first time since Emily died, I feel like I have girlfriends again. The thought is bittersweet.
I’M OUT IN the yard shooting hoops when my mom pulls into the drive. She’d dropped my dad off at the marina; he’s going on his annual fishing trip with a few of his buddies from the force and I couldn’t be happier. A whole week of not treading on eggshells sounds like nirvana. There’s something wrong when a father spending a week away from home is the highlight of his kid’s year.
“Hey honey, can you help me with these bags?” Mom shouts from the back of her car.
I sink my last shot and retrieve the basketball, holding it propped against my hip as I walk around the car to help her.