My vision is suddenly blurry; I didn’t realize I was crying. I take my glasses off and wipe at my eyes with the sleeve of my sweater. It's a pointless task though, and the more I try to wipe away the tears, the more they fall.
“Tell me what to do, Em.” I sit for a long time just staring at the rolled-up blades of grass in my hand, waiting for an answer I know isn’t coming. The sky’s turning gray and a cold breeze is blowing through the trees. I pull my sweater tighter around me and say goodbye. I don’t know what I was expecting coming to speak to Emily. Maybe just to try and make sense of the situation and to feel better by telling someone about Ethan. Or, maybe to shed the guilt of feeling like I may be falling for him...I’m not sure. I just know that it didn’t work: I still feel guilty, I still feel afraid, and I still don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do.
I SPENT ALL day Saturday thinking about her, I spent all day Sunday thinking about her, and now I’m early to school to see if I can catch her before classes start. It’s official. I’m whipped. I’ve turned into Drew. I walk to my locker on autopilot, paying zero attention to my surroundings, too busy thinking about Blair.
“Hey Rock Star, what happened to you Saturday night?”
Shit! Della matches my stride and is staring at me expectantly. She’s wearing her cheer uniform; it’s so small it looks like it’s been shrunk in the wash. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. She has a smoking hot body. I make a mental note not to stare at her tits and try to maintain eye contact.
“Sup, Del?”
“I turned up late to TJ’s and you were MIA. Jackson said you’d left with some girl. Am I being replaced?” She’s twisting her long red hair around her finger and pouting at me. Della’s cool, she knows the score—we’re friends with benefits, just without the friends bit. She steers me into a classroom and leans her hip against one of the desks.
“Yeah, about that. I don’t think our arrangement’s gonna work for me anymore.” I know it’s straight to the point, but I don’t want there to be any misunderstanding. She moves forward and places her hand against my chest, leaning close so she can whisper in my ear.
“Let me know when you’re bored of this one. I’ll be waiting.”
I narrow my eyes in confusion. What’s that supposed to mean? Her words register and I pull back. Instantly I know Blair is behind me, I can feel her presence.
Della steps forward again kissing me on the cheek. “See you around, E.” She disappears and takes her seat.
I spin around to Blair and I feel like a dick. She’s eying me like I’m a dick too. Not good!
“Della ‘I’m gonna fuck your fella’ Fields…really?” Her nose is scrunched up in disgust and I can’t help the laugh that escapes.
“Della what? Is that what people call her?”
“Is that a serious question?”
“She’s not that bad,” I say, trying to keep a straight face. If I didn’t know any better I’d swear Blair looked jealous.
“Look, I’m not saying she’s promiscuous, I’m just surprised that Facebook hasn’t made her panties a place to check in, yet!”
I instantly throw my head back and laugh so hard my eyes water. “Shit, you don’t hold back do you?”
Her cheeks redden slightly and she bites her bottom lip. Fuck, I want to do that for her.
“Sorry, that was kind of harsh, huh? I shouldn’t judge. She’s just got one helluva reputation!”
I’m aware that she’s talking to me but I’m too busy letting my eyes roam all over her body to listen. She’s in skinny jeans that are so tight they look like they’ve been sprayed on and she’s wearing sneakers and a plaid shirt. Then it hits me.
“Hey, no slogan tee today?”
“Nope, not today.” She’s sporting a huge grin.
I’m about to reply when Jackson, Drew and TJ appear behind Blair, batting their eyelashes and acting all dreamy. Drew decides to start pretending to rub his nipples behind her like a complete dick while grinning at me. The other two are trying not to bust out laughing like idiots. Blair notices me trying to kill them with my stare and turns to see what’s caught my attention.
“This isn’t your class, why are you all in here?”
“We noticed E and came to drag him away from the party animal herself! Recovered yet?” TJ asks, putting an arm around her shoulders like they’ve been friends for years. I instantly want to rip it off and beat him with it for touching her. I’m not a territorial person normally, and I’ve been friends with TJ for years, but hell if seeing his hands on her doesn’t make me want to piss in a circle around her, beat my goddamn chest and shout ‘mine’.
“Yo, guys, give us a second, will you?” I pull Blair out from under TJ’s arm and maneuver her out into the hall.
“Wanna meet me at lunch today?” I ask, trying to school my voice so that I don’t sound like some desperate *.
“Actually, I can’t today. I was cornered by Casey and Brie the second I got out of my car. I actually came over to see if everything was okay when you got back from taking me home Saturday.”