‘It’s new?’ I ask.
‘No, just refurbished. It’s now a wine bar, not a typical London pub.’ He checks for traffic and quickly guides me across the road. ‘I do love a good old-fashioned pub, though.’
I smile, thinking that I could definitely imagine Luke in a spit and sawdust pub, drinking a pint and laughing with his mates. He’s normal, just a regular guy – the type of guy who I should be investing in, now it’s become apparent that I am, in fact, investing my time in men.
Luke opens the door, ushering me in, and then leads me to a table at the rear of the bar on a raised mezzanine floor. ‘What would you like to drink?’ he asks, indicating for me to sit.
It’s that question, and while I felt perfectly fine about asking for a water when I was with Gregory, I now feel young and stupid. ‘Wine,’ I say quickly before I can convince myself that it’s a bad idea. Besides, I feel like I need a drink. Damn Miller Hart.
‘Red, white, pink?’
‘White, thank you.’ I try to appear unaffected and completely comfortable in my surroundings, but seeing Miller again has nudged me back to unbalanced and unsure. I’m wobbly, thinking of his face when he saw Luke.
‘White it is.’ Luke smiles and heads for the bar, leaving me alone at the table, feeling like a fish out of water. The bar is busy, mostly with men in suits who look like they’ve come straight from the office. Their loud chatter and laughing is evidence of their length of time here, with ties loosened and jackets disappearing.
I appreciate the stylish decor of the place, but not the noise. Shouldn’t a first date be something to eat somewhere quiet where you can talk and get to know each other?
‘Here.’ A glass of wine slides towards me, and I instinctively slide back on my chair instead of picking it up and thanking him for it. Luke sits opposite me, pint in hand, and takes his first swig, gasping appreciatively before placing it down. ‘I’m really glad you agreed to have a drink with me,’ he says. ‘I was about to give up.’
‘I’m glad I came.’
He smiles. ‘So tell me about yourself.’
I force my hands to join and rest on the table where I fiddle with my ring and give myself a quick mental kick up the arse. Of course he’s going to ask questions. That’s what normal people do on dates, not offer unreasonable propositions. So taking a deep breath, I bite the bullet and divulge a piece of me to someone new, something that I’ve never done, or ever thought I would do.
‘I’ve only recently started working at the bistro. I was looking after my grandmother before that.’ It’s not much, but it’s a start.
‘Oh, did she die?’ he asks, looking uncomfortable.
‘No,’ I laugh. ‘She’s far from dead, trust me.’
Luke laughs, too. ‘That’s a relief. For a moment there I thought I’d put my foot in it. Why were you looking after her?’
This question isn’t so easy to answer and the truth too complicated. ‘She was unwell for a while, that’s all.’ I’m ashamed of myself, but at least I’ve shared a little piece of me.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be. She’s fine now,’ I say, thinking Nan would love to hear me admit that.
‘So what do you do for fun?’
My hesitance is obvious. I do nothing, in truth. I don’t have an army of girlfriends, I don’t socialise, I don’t have any hobbies, and because I’ve never put myself in a situation where someone might want to know, I’ve never considered how utterly cut off and isolated I actually am. I always knew it – God, I aimed for it, but now, when I want to come across as an interesting person, I’m stumped. I have nothing to offer this conversation. I have nothing to offer a friendship or a relationship.
I panic. ‘I go to the gym, go out with my friends.’
‘Oh, I do the gym at least three times a week. Which one do you go to?’
It’s getting worse. My lies are leading to further questioning, which means further lies. This is not the best way to start a friendship. I take my wine and raise it to my lips, a desperate tactic to buy me more time while I frantically search my mind for a local gym. I can think of none. ‘The one in Mayfair.’
‘Virgin?’
The relief of Luke answering my question for me is obvious. ‘Yes, Virgin.’
‘I go there! I’ve never seen you.’